Category Archives: year of dating fearlessly

Happy Valentine’s day

Posted in First Love at 37, Happy Valentine's Day, Love, StoryCorps, Valentine's day, year of dating fearlessly by
Fall in LOVE Fridays 
on LOVE’s most celebrated day

Here’s an inspiring love story ~
you never know who they are, where they’re from, or when they’ll come into your life, 
but when they do you I wish you the openness to fall madly in love 

I first heard their story in a great collection of LOVE stories from Storycorps, worth checking out if you’re a fan of true life tales from the heart like me 😉
With love, have a great day!
xo

Time

Posted in apps, Facebook, finding my happiness, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Love, Time, Timer, Tinder, Valentine's day, year of dating fearlessly by

I seem to keep getting messages about TIME lately.
Maybe it’s because I seem to have a lot of it free lately
or
maybe the Universe is trying to send me a message…

I’ve always been sensitive to feeling the pressure of time.
   I have learned I thrive under a deadline, that rush of racing the clock, 
but I’m also painfully aware when it feels like it’s slipping away. 
You’re gonna laugh, but I used to believe that I was going to die young. 
Now I have no clue where that feeling had come from, but in my teens I felt like my time here was going to be short-lived.
So my master plan was to go to college & study what I loved ~ fashion ~ get in, get out in 2 years & start having an amazing live, squeezing in all the goodness I could before my TIME was up…
Thankfully somewhere in my early 20’s that notion seemed to fade 
& I began to relax a little.
So when reference after reference about time kept popping up over the past couple of weeks, it became apparent I needed to listen.

It started when a friend told me about this movie from a few years back called “Timer”.
The basic plot is you can have a timer that will tell you when you’ll meet your soul mate.
My immediate thought was “nooooooooo, I so would not want to know!”
It’s like looking for your presents before Christmas, knowing takes all the fun & surprise out of it!
But with a quiet Saturday night in, I curled up with my Netflix & got lost in the quest for love.

I quite enjoyed the movie, mostly because it brought up so many questions ~
How would you spend your time while waiting for the clock to tick down?
Would you give a nice guy you met today a chance if your timer said he was still 8 months away?
If you’re given a match date way into the future, do you live it up & enjoy all the men you meet, with no commitment, no strings attached?
Or do you get focused on your career, get all the pieces in place so when love arrives, you’re ready?
What if you’re timer is blank? 
Do you still believe in love? 
Can you find it organically anyways? 
What if you meet your soulmate according to your timer when you’re still so young, do you miss out on a variety dating experiences?

I can see where knowing that your mate exists, or that love will happen, can give some peace & reassurance, even hope, but I wonder at what cost?
What or who else may you miss out on while you count it down? 

I’m curious ~ would you want a timer?

And if maybe not a timer, would you use an app that’ll tell you when you’ll get married?
Yep, it exists!
TIME (as in the magazine) has come up with an app that can tell you roughly when you’ll be walking down that aisle by just accessing your Facebook page.
I know, right?!
I figured I’ve already given access to Tinder find me love from Facebook, 
I might as well get a good laugh & see what they predict.
Right after I clicked the button, I panicked!
What if it said “oops, you missed it, you were supposed to do that 7 years ago” or
“yeah, don’t hold your breath”?
Kinda funny since I’ve never pictured my wedding.
 I never had the ’til death do us part, I do fantasy in my head, so why was an app causing me heart palpitations?
Then it popped up…6 months, 21 days…
Well, I do thrive under deadlines 😉

Just kidding…& even though marriage isn’t my ultimate goal, I did feel a wave of hope & peace roll over me, maybe there is something to knowing, just not knowing the exact date.
What I do know for sure is that a loving man who desires to be in a committed partnership with me awaits & when our time is right our paths will cross.
Until then, I will enjoy this time & not fear its running out 🙂
xo

Welcome to LOVE month

Posted in dating hiatus, dogs, hopeless romantic, Love, new beginnings, no expectations, Passion Pit, second dates, Sleepyhead, sunsets, Valentine's day, year of dating fearlessly by

Ahhhh February, how did we get to you so quickly???
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts calling you the Month of Love,
and well since I love love, I can stick with that theme!

Let’s catch up from where I left you last ~ 2nd date time with Mr Manhattan Beach.
To be fair, since we have a sizable amount of distance between us & he came to me on the 1st date, I ventured to his neck of the woods for this round (its not a hard twist of my arm to get me to the beach).
A great thing about dating an entrepreneur is his flexible schedule, so there we were on a Wednesday afternoon grabbing a coffee & taking his lil Yorkie, Hayley, for a walk along the beach…

I love dogs. Grew up with them & truly miss having one in my life right now, so I was excited to get some dog time in. I love how excited they get to see you, even if they don’t really know you, cuz in 5 minutes you’re their new bestie. I love how if they’re in need of some petting & affection they don’t hesitate to ask for it, they just nudge your hand until you give in. I think if we, as humans, were as transparent with our needs life may be a whole lot easier, just sayin…we could learn alot. I love how easily distracted they can get ~ “SQUIRREL!!”. They’re priceless…

It is quite adorable to see the nurturing side of a man come out,
and Mr Manhattan Beach looooooves his Hayley.
She’s cute, I’ll give her that.
But I quickly began to feel like a 3rd wheel on my own date!
All conversation started with asking Hayley’s opinion, followed with that cutesy-wutesy talk usually reserved for infants.
When he started encouraging her to speak, I learned this bitch has opinions! She had lots of yapping to get off her chest.
He swooned.
Again, its sweet to see that men too can have their hearts melted.
But when the excessive kisses started, dog tongues, human lips, open mouths, I KNEW my lips were goin no where near either of their’s!

I’ve loved all the dogs I’ve grown up with ~ Bertha, Tiffany, Barney ~ but always drew the line at the lips…call me a puppy prude.
I’m a petter & a snuggler.

Funnily enough I realized just this morning that my reaction to this is yet another, drum role please…daddy issue.
Our dogs all worked their way into my dad’s heart, where my brother & I could barely crack his tough exterior. When he’d come in the door from work, he’d walk right past us & go straight to the dog with much curiosity about how it’s day was.
Yes, I may have issues being the runner-up for affection, but I think its an issue I’ll keep when comes to me vs pet.

While the date was fun, the scenery gorgeous & the conversation good, I think I learned too much about some areas we differ on to keep going forward.
Chalk this one up to some winter beach fun.

 At this point I’ve decided to hit the “pause” button on my dating life, just temporarily!

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the concept of having “no expectations” in life, with a focus on it in my search for love.

I’ve gotten pretty good about having no expectations while out on the dates, really just being present & going with the date as it unfolds, but its the expectations my “heart” has that’s tripping me up lately.
I find myself disinterested & pulling away after these dates because my heart remembers how it felt after a great 1st date, how it soared after a wonderful 2nd date, how it couldn’t wait for a 3rd…
I mean, how do you tell yourself its never going to feel like it did before? To just drop it & be open to accepting a new version however it feels? 
Hence the “pause” while I ponder this…

And in an effort to save myself, from my “expectation self”, I am on my dating hiatus til after Valentine’s Day – talk about a day filled with expectations!
I mean this is like Christmas for us hopeless romantics!

Valentine’s Day has been one of those holidays for me that has never gone as expected.
I have yet to be kissed on this day
& only once have I had a boyfriend on this holiday (& like a fool thinking we’d share more of them, I went out of town for work – idiot!)
Ever since junior high with my 1st crush on cutie boy Joey, I’ve hoped for something magical to happen on that day ~ a card, a flower, a secret admirer, candy, you name it I’ve dreamt it…and each February 14th would just go on by.

In high school, they’d deliver colored carnations during 7th & 8th period, each color representing various emotions ~ love, like, secret admirer, friendship, etc.  I can remember how anxious I felt when the classroom door would open & in came the flowers. I could always rely on my best friend to send me a blue carnation & I’d send her one too. It always complimented her colorful bunch.

Every year I have continued to tell myself “next year” creating the biggest expectation ever.
So this year, I can be free of these expectations at least, free from the letdown & truly just enjoy the day as any other day 🙂

Even though dates may be not be happening to report back on, I always have thoughts & commentaries on love, so stay tuned!
xo



**I’m a lil obsessed at the moment with this pop-y tune from a few years back, if you’re in the mood to smile & dance it out with me hit play!**

The Weekly Date Roundup!

Posted in 1st dates, eharmony, Find Love Now, First Love at 37, Love, Marni Battista, second dates, Tinder, vulnerable, year of dating fearlessly by
Ok, I’ve got a lil confession to make ~
I stayed in the shallow end for another week.

On the Tuesday morning of the scheduled 2nd date with the Librarian I woke with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The first thoughts one has when they wake up should not be dread for the upcoming evening’s date.
Which in turn caused me to argue with myself about not “being open”, closing off, yada yada ~ you can imagine this delightful conversation while still laying in bed, geez I mean what a way to start the day off…
And of course I couldn’t just drop it, I kept chattering to myself about it all morning.
Do I trust my gut?
Is my gut just acting like a silly lil girl?
If I’m feeling this way, is it even possible go into the date “open” to anything positive?
If I cancel, am I letting myself down?
How will I ever learn if I avoid experiences?
Am I avoiding?

This could go on & on, but I’ll spare you & just say
I cancelled the date.

I felt better physically after that,
but mentally I just felt safe (& not in a good way).
I was thankful for a busy week/weekend of ahead of work & time with friends that I could just throw myself in to…

Then while at a conference my perspective shifted.
I was busy still being right about how I handled the situation as told my tale to the ladies on Friday evening, but by some point Saturday afternoon I knew I needed to return his call & accept the 2nd 2nd date offer.
We had a fun, flirty conversation over the phone & set up for drinks on Monday.
I was open & excited.

Its hard to pinpoint exactly what caused the shift, but I knew if he directly asked 
why I didn’t feel we were a match, my answer would only reflect my 
fears of being vulnerable, not valid reasons.
It is the Year of Dating Fearlessly, time to walk the talk!

I am currently living in a new space of freedom as I am not employed full time on a tv series. Sure this brings up a lil anxiety financially, but it has also opened up an amazing window to live my life balanced & do things I enjoy!
So while the prior week was a mix of work & play, this last week was a week of play, which all focused around multiple dates & living creatively.
Totally awesome!

Monday night was the Canadian Librarian’s turn again & I was ready.

 I felt open to the adventure of getting to know him this time. We met for drinks at the Roosevelt Hotel, which has such a great old-Hollywood ambience. 
Yes we still debated & argued pretty much over every topic, but it was kinda fun. He is quite smart.

Due to a car issue of his, our date was in his neighborhood, which I didn’t mind since he chose a cool locale. Oh & by the way I got him to man up & actually plan the date instead of him putting it on me 😉

Since I was enjoying his company this round, when he suggested a night cap at his place, I figured why not, it seemed a lil early to cut the date short.
You’d think I’d be dating savvy enough to expect what he had in mind & I did, but I was amazed at how quick the moves happened! Damn!
Well, I’ll just say I got more practice in setting my boundaries.
I never blame a guy for trying, it in their DNA.
But by gosh, if it’s one thing I’ll rock at by the end in the dating game, it will be stating my needs & setting my boundaries!
Practice on!

3rd date is pending, as he’s out of town for the next week…
So while the cat’s away, this mouse is playing.

Date #2 for the week was a 1st date with a Cop from eHarmony.
Wasn’t sure how I felt about dating a cop cop, but his profile seemed interesting, pics were handsome, tall(!) & get this, lived only a block from me – that NEVER happens in LA!
He seemed to be a very “to the point” type of guy, not much for chatter about frivolous things, so I wasn’t sure what to expect connection-wise…
Staying open.
The plan was to meet at the Americana, a local open air mall with a ton of options, which was good since I didn’t know if it was dinner? Drinks? Coffee? A stroll?
Our meeting spot was to be at the large fountain in the center.
He had let me know he was already there, and as I get to the fountain, I’m looking around, all I see are families & couples, 
not a single man in sight.
Then I get this feeling I’m being watched.
I spin around, am I blind? I know he’s here…then I see a lone figure in the shadows along the wall of the Apple store – is that him? I can tell that person sees me looking at him, but I get no acknowledgment. I keep scanning the crowd, but move his direction, really hoping this wasn’t my date.
It was. In full stakeout mode.

I had visions of the Det. Stabler-style detective from Law & Order: SVU & I ended up with Sipowicz from NYPD Blue, minus the mustache.

I will never understand using old, inaccurate photos, it helps neither party involved.
Ok, so off to an awkward start from the get-go. We make a lap around the mall, with no plan forming. I’ll admit to expecting a cop to be the take charge type of guy, but I was wrong.
After one loop, we found ourselves at the corner facing a new restaurant, who’s signage is quite illegible, so I was commenting on that & wondered if he had been there or knew of it, trying to guide us somewhere.
We cross over, the menu seemed good, cool vibe but he wasn’t showing an interest.
He did finally suggest dinner if I was hungry & offered up the Indian restaurant next store.
There’s an Indian restaurant next door?
Apparently…in the basement.
Down the stairs we went to the completely empty, sparsely decorated Indian restaurant.
As we were the only customers there, we did get impeccable service & lucky for us we were in time for the early bird specials, so he ordered us a beer – to share!
Dinner was uneventful. 
I noticed early on he wasn’t ever making direct eye contact, so I started making it a game – he actually looked me in the eyes only 4 times!
He asked a lot about my experience with eHarmony. Then the past relationship questions came up.
Here is where I have to work on owning my limited relationship experience past. 
I need to devise a good response that that doesn’t leave me defending 
the “what’s wrong with you?” question. 
So I haven’t had a ton of long-term relationships, maybe that’s a good thing! 
Stop asking me why. 

We walked back to the Americana post-dinner & found seats by the fountain, where he then states “how stupid are the people who watch this, its just water, so lame”.
I LOVE THE DANCING WATER FOUNTAIN!!!
Its mesmerizing, its magical, its dancing freakin-water  – its beauty found in the most ordinary thing combined with the emotion of music – how can you not love it?
Thankfully he was “fading”, looked at his watch & at 7:48pm on a Friday night, we called time of death.

Date #3 sprung up kinda quickly.

Thursday evening while letting a girlfriend play Cyrano with my Tinder app, she reached out to Beach Guy.
Friday he & I are chatting. 
Turns out he’s from Manhattan Beach, but is passing through my area Saturday afternoon, so a coffee meet & greet it is.
Perfect lil squeeze in before my date that evening.
High energy, very talkative.
We both admit to the distance as an issue but are willing to give it a shot one more time, see if there’s anything…
why not, right? Fearless!
Date night this Wednesday…

Ahhhhh Date #4, the one I’ve been looking forward to happening, finally materialized –  Mr Second Time Around made a second appearance!
Funny thing about women, or well at least me, I don’t quite pick up where we left off if it’s been over a month. We had a lot of chemistry on our 1st date,
 but as the weeks went by I kinda forgot what it felt like. Its gotta be built back up.
So, when his texts were all sexual & he wanted to start the date at my place where we left off last, I knew more boundary practice was coming, sigh…

Traffic was looking bad between our places, which according to him was due to the Ducks-Kings game at Dodger Stadium. 
I wondered how gullible he thought I was, hockey at a baseball field??? 
Um yeah, turns out he was right…but of course I didn’t believe him until I saw for myself. 
Once he arrived I was quickly reminded of our chemistry. A breather needed to be taken, so to cool off  we decided to go grab some beers at the local brewery & watch the game

It was a fun date. I really enjoy hanging out with him, but I think that was probably it.
Between his boys & work, I get the impression a relationship falls low on the priority list…too bad, but I can’t settle for crumbs…

I’m a lil exhausted from a power week of dating. 
All nice guys. Any matches? We’ll see…
xoxo

Just when you think you’ve got things handled…

Posted in 2014. happy new year, christopher reeve, Dating with Dignity, faith in dating, father issues, Find Love Now, first dates, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, second dates, Tinder, year of dating fearlessly by
Oh crap!
My dad issues are affecting my dating life!!

I mean I was aware I had some “dad issues” but I I thought I had worked through those in these past few years. And, please don’t get me wrong I love my dad! I think we get along quite well now, but apparently there’s some stuff I gotta look at…sigh

Let me take you back to last week’s date that triggered all this…

I was finally meeting up with the Canadian librarian who I had met on Tinder.
We had been exchanging messages for a couple of weeks over the holidays, as we were both were busy traveling or booked with family in town, so it was finally time to meet up.
Our messages had been light & easy, starting off with the usual asking of the basics. Where we then moved into more witty banter. 
His flirting had an intellect to it that sparked my interest.
I’ve always found an educated man to be sexy. He doesn’t have to know everything about everything but if he’s got a passion & loves to share his knowledge in it – hot!
I was really looking forward to this date.

Pre-date giddiness, feelin pretty
We were meeting up at a small lil neighborhood wine bar he picked, which sounded casual & cozy.
I always love to let my girlie side show & decided to go with a dress & heels.
Always heels!
LA is a city overrun with short men & I gotta know early on how high a heel I can get away with, cuz I ain’t giving them up 😉
One thing I have learned from my Tinder dates, if their pics are mostly waist & up, they will be shorter than me…they have ALL been shorter than me.
(This may be where Tinder falls short since their stats aren’t listed, its kinda a crap shoot)

Sure, yeah, you can make the argument of falling for their personality is more important but if you can’t get attracted while bending down for a kiss, I’m not sure you ever will.

Ok, so yes, he fell into the shorter than me category, but possibly eye level without heels, so not giving up hope yet.

We get our glasses of wine. He’s a white wine guy. I’m a red wine gal.
Maybe we’re the opposites attract type?
We start picking up & elaborating on conversations we had messaged about.
I quickly notice with every comment I make I am corrected.
But he’s backing it up with facts & data, quoting obscure books & references, so kinda hot, right?
Have I mentioned he’s a librarian?
I’m soaking up new information, I’m learning while on a date ~ very cool.
Until it keeps happening, with every topic! Even fashion!
I’m getting triggered, my combative-ness is starting to come out…not pretty Carlie, take a deep breath & hear him out.
I was trying really hard to not shut down mid-date. Yes, I had pretty much written him off as potential at this point, but I might as well enjoy the night, right?
But then I’d hear myself argue something back to him, like I had no control over my mouth!

Managed to survive through the conversations with a couple of glasses of wine & as he walked me to my car, he leaned in for the kiss – either he was on a different date than me or he get turned on by debating where he always wins.
I cringe to admit I kissed him back, seemed a quicker way out & as I pull away he suggests we do this again – seriously????
BUT
he says its up to me to invite him out & plan the evening
(I will leave my rant about gender roles & dating for a future post).
I say ok & quickly hop in my car, figuring I just dodged a 2nd date.

Of course he reaches out a couple of days later via text & I find myself even being combative & snarky in my responses. He does not bring out my best self!

Cut to a couple of days ago & I’m sharing this experience with my therapist
(yes, the therapist thing is happening now)
& in doing his brilliant job of holding the mirror up to me & making me actually look, he shows me how this gentleman’s behavior was triggering my childhood reactions of dealing with my dad – who is always right…
And I reacted exactly how I used to as a child – dammit!
Instead of just listening, I was immediately forming judgements based on my past & writing him off.
Maybe he was anxious & was trying to impress, he suggested, but how would I know that if I’m not giving him a chance.
I cannot keep shutting down if its not how I “expect” it to be.

Sooooooo, I’m giving him a 2nd chance…while I currently feel this is against my better judgement, by Tuesday I will go into this open-minded, if anything for the practice & the experience of staying present

Christopher Reeve said “either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean.”
I’m learning how to swim in the ocean, no more shutting down & playing it safe in the shallow end.

**Other Player’s Update**
Going into the new year I was looking forward to meeting up with a couple of other suitors too, here’s their latest…
The Restauranteur – has been benched due to a hernia, we’ll see if he comes back swinging.
The Second time Around Guy – has also been out of play due to family health issues which took him out of town & between juggling when he’s got his kid’s, I feel we may never get that 2nd date in. We chat, but missing the in-person connection…

In the meantime, I’m just gonna hang my heart out there & go enjoy life!
Have a great week!!
xo


The Year of DATING FEARLESSLY

Posted in 2014. happy new year, Dating with Dignity, Find Love Now, First Love at 37, happiness, hopeless romantic, Love, Marni Battista, online dating, vulnerable, year of dating fearlessly by
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Hope your’s is off to a great start!!

Thought I’d share my horoscope for the year ahead, cuz it freakin rocks!
Even though I don’t put much stock in them, I enjoy reading mine every now & again, especially when they say gooooood things – thank you Refinery 29 😉
Illustrated by Emily Forgot


“Pisces (February 19-March 20) You are in for one heckuva year, Pisces, so get ready. Romance, possible fertility, and even continued education is on your cards in 2014. Take this time to define your life and call your own shots, instead of letting others dictate your actions. The first half of the year will be exciting, but by July, things will have thankfully died down so you can settle and take it all in. The four eclipses this year will reshape your life in more ways than one from your mindset to the number of stamps on your passport.”

Woot woot!!




Ok, so last month I claimed 2014 as the year I was going to date fearlessly in my search for  love…
What does that mean?????
I’ll be honest my heart is racing a lil & my palms are sweaty as I type this.
When I had this brilliant plan, I hadn’t quite thought through the whole “facing my fears” part, hmmmmmm, on second thought…

Nope, no I’m gonna do it, I’m sticking to the plan!

Step 1 to dating fearlessly, one has to figure out what fear(s) are blocking her progress in the love dept.

For the first time ever in my 39 years , I’ve been actively casually dating, no one specific man has had all my attention & I’ve been enjoying it ~ I will say it is quite fun having such a busy social calendar.
Getting to know different personalities, trying on different like/dislikes, learning about a new restaurant or activity ~ all good!

Throughout my 20’s & most of my 30’s, the concept of dating was lost on me. 
Finding dates seemed impossible, online was hit or miss back then,
flirting? phffftt, what was that?
If I had a date, I was nervous & awkward.
2nd dates were not common.
So I’d just sit back & swoon over the men who weren’t interested, daydreaming of love…
This then lead to the long stretch of throwing myself into my career.

A few years into that & tired of being alone, I decided to make some changes and take a good long look at myself
~ my thoughts, my beliefs, my patterns ~
I was ready, I wanted to find love.
I got me a dating coach & got to work!
Yes, I was that clueless when it came to relationships & needed guidance.

My amazing coach, Marni*, after much work got me back out there dating 
& almost instantly a quality man showed up!
Magic I tell ya, when you’re in the right space!
I had never experienced the fun & the joy of dating until him. The excitement of getting to know someone, reveling in their stories & sharing your’s, the rush of connecting to another soul, letting down of your walls & revealing your true self.
It was the most wonderful feeling.
I finally knew love.

It was amazing how easy it could be ~ why had I struggled so much before?
Why am I struggling again?
Am I struggling now? 

Lately I’ve started going for runs, a slightly shocking activity for me, 
but I’m really enjoying it. I love the feeling of strength & possibility I get while out on my run.
Music pumping, the sun on my face, the freedom in the moment.
So yesterday while doing a lap it hit me, this moment of clarity!
I’m too afraid to let myself be vulnerable again!

vul·ner·a·ble: adj    capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt

I am struggling within myself to let my guard down.
While these dates & men are great, I’m not letting them in…or letting them see the real me.

AM I willing to expose myself & my heart again?
Could I handle the pain again?


I want to say yes! Yes, I’m willing to let go of my fear!
Yes, to being open to the possibility of falling in love again.
But will I let down the safe walls I’m hiding behind?

I’m scared.
(funnily enough I’m willing to be vulnerable here with you, on the page, but in life? Oh boy!)
But I’m willing to try.

So the new goal going forward on these dates ~ share myself!
Be vulnerable!
LET GO!


Keep ya posted after this next round of dates 😉
Wish me luck 
xo

*I wanted to give a shout out to Marni Battista & her program, Dating with Dignity – she’s changed my life & if you’re looking for love I couldn’t recommend her more! I’ve talked about our work together in posts on First Love at 37 if you want more in depth to the story. Thanks Marni!! xo

Love Me Tinder-ly

Posted in eharmony, Find Love Now, finding my happiness, first dates, First Love at 37, gratitude, Happy New Year, Love, Love Actually, new beginnings, okcupid, online dating, Tinder, year of dating fearlessly by

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!!
Hope you’re all enjoying a wonderful holiday season!!
Heading back home to Colorado soon, with my fingers crossed for a white Christmas, and figured I’d share a lil update on the dating scene…
oh, I should do a “Best of 2013” list, hmmmm that could be fun! ~ stay tuned for that one 😉

So, where were we?
Ah, yes, I was having some self-discoveries & decided to step back from the fun fling guy…
Logical next step ~ Speed dating!
Packed up the car with water, snacks & lipstick in preparation for my journey to the Westside.
The evening’s event was being hosted by a few Meet-up groups & was taking place in an alehouse that sounded like a cool place to check out.
Also figured it was good to change up the locale, check out the Westside male offerings 😉

It was fun.
Met some cool ladies prior to it starting, which is always the case, (there’s a lot of great single gals out there, c’mon guys!) 
We chatted as the men started to arrive. All anxiously wondering if this is the night we may meet “him”…
Wellllll…
 It was a very diverse group, which is cool, there’s a type for everyone.
I, myself, met 15 men in LA I did not need to know further.
I totally enjoyed our “mini” dates, conversations were good, but I was having trouble getting past the basic starters.
I wasn’t going deep & hard-hitting with my questions. I wasn’t revealing much about myself either. 
And, yes that is challenging with the allotted 5 minutes.
I’ll admit I may not have been at my “A” game, but I was out there….

Funnily enough, during the evening I got a text from Mr Fun in the Meantime.
I hadn’t heard from him in a while.
I will say I had never reached out to say “I’m moving on”, kinda just figured that we were that casual to fade away…
Nope  ~ boot-ay text mid-speed dating!
Its always so interesting to me how they “sense” the interest shift away from them…no, wait, remember me, we should hang out again, or at least tonight…

Decision time
Answer OR ignore the text?

I went with Answer. If I’m going to date w/dignity, I gotta answer.
Played it cool, sussed out the situation, definitely was a boot-ay text.

Decision time
Have some fun, cuz none of these 15 guys panned out OR honor your desires for a real relationship?

I decided to respect what I had already learned & not to go down that path again that ultimately left me lonelier than before.
I told him he was a great guy, enjoyed hanging out but I’m looking for more than what he’s admittedly willing to give.
**a HUGE moment for me!! Speaking my needs, even if/when its scary** 
 He totally respected it, said I was awesome, enjoyed all our dates & wished me well.
It felt so genuine, that it caused me to pause…maybe? maybe he is a cool guy & I’m giving up too soon?
Thankfully it only took me 2 seconds to catch myself. He wasn’t saying he wants what I want, he wasn’t trying to convince me to give it a go, he was just being a great guy, validating our time together.
Done…next?

So I think I may have ranted previously about the latest dating app that everyone seems to be doing & how I couldn’t imagine doing it…
yeah well, I’m doing it & LOVING IT!

I think it was my Pilates instructor relating it to video poker that I began to see the FUN in it. I was being way too serious about it before & viewing it as just another vehicle for possible rejection seeing as its so visually based…
Screw that! Its a riot & seriously addicting!
Its like winning in Vegas when you click “yes” on a profile & you’re a match, a new screen pops up, your pics roll together & voila – a match! 
If only the sound of coins chinging happened, that’d be perfection – jackpot!

I’m currently taking the stance of sitting back & letting the men contact me first 
(which is texting via the site)
My rationale is that my “liking” of your profile shows my interest, step up to the plate, let’s see what you’ve got…
In the future I may reach out, but so far I’ve got too many conversations to keep track of… 

Being a week in to the game, I’ve already had some pretty fantastic dates!

Cocktails in a log cabin

Disco Christmas drinks & laughing the night away

To a 2nd date that had adventure written all over it that I couldn’t say no to, no matter how scary some parts sounded
(you’ll laugh at what scared me)
This guy is pretty intense, knows what he wants, direct questions, digs deep, is spontaneous, & fun ~ I kinda dug him.

For the 2nd date his plan was ~ Motorcycle ride…Hollywood Hills…cocktails, dinner…fireplace

Oh yeah, this sounded GREAT! Except the fireplace part scared the bejesus outta me!
Never been on a motorcycle before, did that scare me? Noooo!
Exhilarate me, yes! The nervous scariness of that is a rush in the moment.
And the fireplace can be that same exhilarating rush too, & even better WHEN its with the right guy…but c’mon this is date 2, let’s just have fun, keep getting to know each other…

The ride through the city & the hills was AMAZING!!! Cutting through the crisp air, flashing past the holiday lights, holding tight, leaning in to the curves, the rev of the engine, picking up speed, passing the cars & off in to the open – oh my god!
Yeah that’s a rush!

Dinner was a surprise, 
I had no clue what to expect since I don’t know his tastes well enough, or at all really.
Well, from racing through the streets of LA, we shifted to completely different gears and had the most delicious 5 course tasting & pairing dinner that was so exquisite I don’t even know how to describe it.
Oh I wish I had a menu to share, each course was a food I had never had before and was sooooo amazing!

Truly an adventure at every turn on this date!

Its crazy how fast 2013 has gone!
 It has been a whirlwind of emotions, of men, of self-discovery.
Its been a year I wouldn’t change for the world, all the good & the bad, through it I have gotten to this wonderful space where I truly love my life & everyone who’s in it!
I’ve learned so much from all these dates, more about myself, more about what I desire, what the ideal partnership looks like for me & most importantly how to be open to the process of falling in love again.
From the Asst director to the Architect, the 50year old, to the sweet young 30-something from Texas, and all those in between, you’ve touched my heart this year & I thank you!!

I am beyond excited for the new year ahead & am claiming 2014 as the Year Of Dating Fearlessly!!
And who knows, but its looking likely that I’ll experience my FIRST KISS at midnight this year!
xoxo
Have a safe & happy holidays!! Here’s Percy Faith with “We Need A Little Christmas”
Enjoy!!!