Fall in Love Friday
Category Archives: smile
Day by day, date by date…
Well, the last time we chatted I was on the debate of taking some time off from dating,
yet somehow my actions weren’t quite matching my words…
With a lot of long hours on set & down time between set-ups, I found myself checking out profile after profile.
And even thought my heart wasn’t in it, I was going through the motions,
pretty much on auto-pilot.
Tired of being alone, I guess I wanted to feel like I was “taking action”,
not just sitting by waiting for life to happen, for love to cross my path by pure luck, but yet I was numb as I scrolled from one to the next.
Knowing I wasn’t quite enjoying the process, a fellow single girlfriend on set joined my search & thought she’d find him for me ~ why not? Outside opinions could be great, right? Maybe she’ll see the diamond in the rough.
We got on a clicking flurry, which could easily go so many ways ~ from good, to bad, to ugly ~especially since they can see when you’ve visited their profile…
Well, I got a live one!
Sent me message like he was answering a question (which I hadn’t asked) & in my “eh” state, I answered…mistake #1.
Responding to his 3rd message, (after ignoring message #2), at midnight on a Friday night while sitting on set AND giving him my #…mistake #2.
Responding to his 7am text & 10 am follow-up voice mail…mistake #3
Who knows why I was shocked when he kept texting even after I said I was busy & would call later… silly me.
But the kicker was when he asked for me to send him a photo for his phone ~
& we hadn’t even spoke to each other yet!!!!
Oh, & he was sure to send me one. His aggressiveness & eagerness rendered him very unattractive in my book.
Now, I’ve been told by some that it is completely normal to ask for pics (really?, I mean really?)
Men are visual…they want to be sure you’re profile pics are true…whatever the excuse, I was CREEPED out!!
Went with my gut, cancelled our date for the next day & wished him well…
Things HAD to change!
So, I deleted my okcupid account & headed towards the greener pastures of the “scientific matching system” of eharmony.
Kinda going with the rationale that if they’re willing to pay for a subscription, they must be ready for a real relationship, and if anything else it’s a new audience.
We’ll see…
The last time I tried eharmony, a lil over 2 years ago, they told me they had no matches for me & to try back later.
And while yes, I appreciated their honesty & not taking my money for nothing,
it did sting a bit to hear there was nobody for me.
But its 2 years later…
I’m a new woman…I’m hopeful!
And quality matches have been coming in – phew!!
I think my meat eating tendencies deterred the Vegan.
The Science Professor & I had very little to talk about.
But thankfully the matching game continues…
And to keep things fresh, friends have been sending potential mates my way too.
Who knows you better & wants to see you happy more than your friends, right?
The 1st fix-up was fun. A great guy.
Made me laugh. Found him very attractive.
But,
he wasn’t looking for a relationship.
Likes his life how it is.
I admire that awareness & candidness up front.
The 2nd friend intro/re-connection is quite a cool guy.
Had a blast chatting the night away with him
& look forward to getting to know him more! 🙂
(*I’ll be honest I’m nervous writing about him, as he could read this & I haven’t mentioned my blog to him yet. I like being able to open up about my thoughts & feelings and will have to figure out how to do this if he’s going to read)
On another exciting fun note, I’ve been invited to be a “practice date” this weekend
for a group of men who are working on their dating skills.
I love it!
I cannot wait to be practiced on, hear what they’ve been taught, & get their insights ~ I think it will be a pretty insightful night, to say the least!! 😉
I guess its been a busy coupla weeks now that I look back on it,
the good mojo is starting to flow again & I have some really good feelings about what’s coming!!
Til next time, xo
Set-ups, solo dates, & flashbacks from the past…
Ok, I’m back at it!
Online flirting that is 😉
Always, gotta keep in practice, right?
So far, not so good in the response department, soooo I’m going with we’re not a match on all counts.
I will admit to getting confused by the guys who do pick you as a “match” via OkCupid’s “Quick Match” system, yet when you get notified that you both chose each other, they don’t make a move.
So, I’ll throw a quick lil note out there to said match…nothing.
Huh? Why?
It can all be very confusing.
I try to not interpret actions or non-actions, but you gotta wonder sometimes people’s motivations.
Best to keep it at screen value ~ what’s said is what’s meant, no action means no action, eventually someone who wants to chat will come along.
A friend sent me a link to an article about about modern dating.
It mostly pertained to the Millennial Generation, but it still made me sad.
The art of dating & courting a mate is disappearing,
while 20-somethings just continue in hook-up mode from college or group dates.
A whole generation may never go on a proper date!! Its CRAZY!!
It seems gone is the actual verbal asking for a date, most guys seem to text or email & usually without much notice, according to the article.
I am SO thankful to not be a part of that generation!
Especially since I’ve been “trying out” the older gentlemen, they have all picked up the phone & asked me out (only 1 resorted to text & he was weeded out quickly).
Of course with their calling, it meant I actually had to pick up the phone – eek!- (& not screen it), which I proudly & nervously did 🙂
I’m not a phone person, never have been, even in high school. I like to use it to make the plans, & we’ll chat in person, so I try to keep the conversations short & sweet.
I will admit it is great to put a voice to the words you’ve been reading though.
It helps the daydreams seem more real.
It also brought up the FOMO theory.
I’ll agree with my friend that it has always been around to some extent, but I feel the internet & online dating have made the Fear Of Missing Out more pronounced.
It has hyper-sensitized the fear of settling, I mean there’s soooooo many options now, with each click an even better woman or man could be waiting, while you just skim over one who’s good, but not 110% good….
Which leads me to pondering the “mathematical” matching systems they use on these sites…I’ve been shopping my matches & of course they see if you click on their profile, so at what percentage of a match is he worth clicking on? 75%? 80%? Only 90% & above make the cut?
I used to figure 85% & up was good, but then my clicks I was attracted to were getting few & far between, so I’ve lowered it to the 80% match tile, with high friend %’s too.
I figure that’s in the “B” range, right?
That’s a hopeful amount for connection, right?
I’m open to your suggestions 😉
Ok, enough with the online! Time to join the real world!
It was solo date night on Saturday & I had a blast!
I hadn’t treated just myself out in quite a while, so it was a refreshing change.
Now it wasn’t the intended plan for the evening, but all my friends were busy & I saw no point to my tickets going to waste. So I packed up my bag & off to the outdoor screening of “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” I went.
Had a good book to keep me company til the sun set, munched on my popcorn & drank my wine. It was divine.
No awkward lulls in conversation. No worries if they were enjoying themselves. It was just me getting to soak up the gorgeous-ness of a crisp LA night, watching 2 wonderful actresses light up the screen.
Its so fun to watch Marilyn Monroe oooooze her femininity. Sure, sometimes she uses to get what she wants, but there’s something so amazing in watching a woman own her beauty & curves.
She was smart at playing dumb, you always know she knew what she was doing. So talented.
We always fight so hard to be taken seriously today, but I’d much rather see strength from men than fight to be their equal. I love the men/women dynamics of the older movies!
I feel I probably have lamented this before…
Ah yes, Ms Monroe ~ “I’m very definitely a woman & I enjoy it!”
So, from solo dates, I jumped to well-crafted brunch with friends on Sunday for a “chance” meeting with a friend’s co-worker, who he thought would be a great match.
Cute, very funny, same industry (which is a good & bad thing).
Thankfully, I don’t think he was aware of the brunch’s intention.
So much less pressure to “perform” 😉
I know I don’t do well in groups, especially when most are strangers. I tend to be the quiet, listening one when surrounded by a large group of big boisterous personalities, like this one.
It was hard not to “over-mimosa” to compensate, but thankfully I resisted the urge.
If anything, I got to know the group better & maybe a seed was planted…
I always appreciate my friend looking to hook a girl up!
And, of course right on cue, enters the guy I was dating right before I met my ex – a previous hook up attempt from same friend’s…I shoulda figured he’d be there.
Oops, sorry I never returned your calls or texts, I got busy being swept off my feet…so how’ve you been?
Slightly awkward…but my bubbly buzz helped 😉
Well that about sums up this past week, can’t wait to see what/who lies ahead this week!
xo
Flipping the Switch
Have you ever gotten so into autopilot mode that you didn’t even realize you had your bra on as you got in the shower?
No? Really?
Well, I was deep into that mode & it seriously took that act of silly thoughtlessness to shake me awake!
Two weeks into a hiatus from a grueling work schedule, I’m beginning to gain momentum back in to MY LIFE.
And by “my life”, I mean having time to process a thought, to actually think about how I feel about something, taste the flavor of foods & savor them,
listen to music & dance, read a book & not fall asleep after the 1st page.
Experiencing vs. just existing.
I’m reconnecting to what I like, finding again who I am.
And it feels good!
So good that I’m ready to kick autopilot’s a** & make some changes!
Two summers ago a friend took on a “summer of yes”.
Life had gotten to a spot where it needed a lil shaking up, some newness needed injecting.
So she decided to say YES to any & all opportunities that came her way.
She invited friends to connect her to others, widening her social & dating circles.
As she opened herself up, the Universe responded with amazing opportunities.
In these past 2 years, I’ve witnessed so many blessings come into her life,
from love & family to consistent creative job opportunities.
Its been so cool to watch!
She didn’t sit back & wish for it, or use the “Secret” & wait for it to arrive, she made a conscious decision that shifted her energy & within that shift the energy keeps gaining momentum.
So, of course when you witness transformations like this do you really want to sit by & watch your life stay the same????
Me neither!!!
I pumped her for info ~ how do you do it? what are the rules? do I always, always have to say yes?
My “over-achiever good student” mode kicked in, I mean I wanted to do this right, get that A+, win the man of my dreams, travel, play, you name it, it could all become my reality…of course that’s not how it works exactly, there’s no “do this & voila happiness”
Its a journey of yeses.
So far I’ve learned old habits are hard to break.
And she’s called me on it!
I didn’t even realize I was saying no!!
Damn Autopilot…hit the switch, eject eject!
Of course, I argued & wanted to be right, blaming a sad mood.
Thank god she argues back 🙂
Now that’ve started feeling like me again, I have consciously made the decision to say
I flipped the switch to yes on Monday
& I am in awe of the changes that have already happened in 4 days!!
I decided I needed to shake up the online dating arena & joined
“How Bout We…” (thanks to her pointing it out as a yes action since she saw me wavering on it due to cost)
It’s a cool site where you throw out a date suggestion & see who bites.
I like the concept – alot!
No hiding behind computer screens for endless rounds of emails.
Just getting out there & dating! Yeah!
They always say dating is a numbers game, so its time to play!
So far 2 different dates this week have happened & several conversations planning dates are on-going.
I have got to learn how to juggle multiple guys!! Quick!
One guy called the other night, & thank god he said which site he was from, with a quick run to the laptop to reference profiles, I was up to speed to keep on chatting.
Things I have learned so far:
by saying yes to a wider age range there is definitely different protocols,
30-something guys seem to text only
& are more spontaneous in date planning – (ding) text: hey, in your area, what are you up to?
Late 40’s-50yr old guys, call for the most part & texts are reserved for sending addresses of meet-up locale,
They also prefer early evening dates…
I’m learning so much 😉
Met Date #1 this week at a cool lounge in the Valley, which I hadn’t been to before (definitely one fun part is finding new spots about town!).
So the entrance was in the back alley,
it was very dark inside,
& he came wearing a baseball hat…hmmmmm
Totally fine date, nice conversation.
As we walked back out in to the bright daylight, out came the words (from both of us)
“that was fun. this is great. we should do it again some time”
Totally Chandler Bing-ed it!!
Pretty sure we both walked away thinking we’ll never see each other again 🙂
Date guy #2 was earlier tonight ~
he picked a really cool spot downtown (another new intro to me).
Drinks turned in to dinner, which turned into coffee after
(I forgot to get decaf, hence my chattiness)
Had a really good time.
And, he’s already followed up for a 2nd date ~ awww yeah!
The good energy is flowing!!
Let the dating games begin!!!
Of course, one of my favorite parts of dating is getting all dressed up for it, especially in summer with all the pretty dress options.
Thought I’d share the go-to 1st date look ~ if you see me out in this, you can probably bet I’m meeting a guy.
My favorite feel good style is
a cute colorful dress, cinched at the waist to show those curves 😉
Worn with an array of shoe options depending on said date’s height (a tall girl has to be prepared in a town of short men). It’s either flat sandals, 2″ sandals or the 3″ heels
And the best accessory, my smile (cheesy, but true, hehe)
Here’s to seeing what fun YES brings!! Cheers
xo
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