Set-ups, solo dates, & flashbacks from the past…

Ok, I’m back at it!
Online flirting that is 😉
Always, gotta keep in practice, right?
So far, not so good in the response department, soooo I’m going with we’re not a match on all counts.

I will admit to getting confused by the guys who do pick you as a “match” via OkCupid’s “Quick Match” system, yet when you get notified that you both chose each other, they don’t make a move.
So, I’ll throw a quick lil note out there to said match…nothing.
Huh? Why?

It can all be very confusing.
I try to not interpret actions or non-actions, but you gotta wonder sometimes people’s motivations.
Best to keep it at screen value ~ what’s said is what’s meant, no action means no action, eventually someone who wants to chat will come along.
  
A friend sent me a link to an article about about modern dating.
It mostly pertained to the Millennial Generation, but it still made me sad.
The art of dating & courting a mate is disappearing, 
while 20-somethings just continue in hook-up mode from college or group dates.
A whole generation may never go on a proper date!! Its CRAZY!!

It seems gone is the actual verbal asking for a date, most guys seem to text or email & usually without much notice, according to the article.
I am SO thankful to not be a part of that generation!
Especially since I’ve been “trying out” the older gentlemen, they have all picked up the phone & asked me out (only 1 resorted to text & he was weeded out quickly).
Of course with their calling, it meant I actually had to pick up the phone – eek!- (& not screen it), which I proudly & nervously did 🙂
I’m not a phone person, never have been, even in high school. I like to use it to make the plans, & we’ll chat in person, so I try to keep the conversations short & sweet.
I will admit it is great to put a voice to the words you’ve been reading though.
It helps the daydreams seem more real.

It also brought up the FOMO theory. 
I’ll agree with my friend that it has always been around to some extent, but I feel the internet & online dating have made the Fear Of Missing Out more pronounced.
It has hyper-sensitized the fear of settling, I mean there’s soooooo many options now, with each click an even better woman or man could be waiting, while you just skim over one who’s good, but not 110% good….

Which leads me to pondering the “mathematical” matching systems they use on these sites…I’ve been shopping my matches & of course they see if you click on their profile, so at what percentage of a match is he worth clicking on? 75%? 80%? Only 90% & above make the cut?
I used to figure 85% & up was good, but then my clicks I was attracted to were getting few & far between, so I’ve lowered it to the 80% match tile, with high friend %’s too.
I figure that’s in the “B” range, right?
That’s a hopeful amount for connection, right?
I’m open to your suggestions 😉

Ok, enough with the online! Time to join the real world!
It was solo date night on Saturday & I had a blast!
I hadn’t treated just myself out in quite a while, so it was a refreshing change.
Now it wasn’t the intended plan for the evening, but all my friends were busy & I saw no point to my tickets going to waste. So I packed up my bag & off to the outdoor screening of “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” I went.


Had a good book to keep me company til the sun set, munched on my popcorn & drank my wine. It was divine.

No awkward lulls in conversation. No worries if they were enjoying themselves. It was just me getting to soak up the gorgeous-ness of a crisp LA night, watching 2 wonderful actresses light up the screen.

Its so fun to watch Marilyn Monroe oooooze her femininity. Sure, sometimes she uses to get what she wants, but there’s something so amazing in watching a woman own her beauty & curves.
She was smart at playing dumb, you always know she knew what she was doing. So talented.

We always fight so hard to be taken seriously today, but I’d much rather see strength from men than fight to be their equal. I love the men/women dynamics of the older movies!
I feel I probably have lamented this before…

Ah yes, Ms Monroe ~ “I’m very definitely a woman & I enjoy it!”

So, from solo dates, I jumped to well-crafted brunch with friends on Sunday for a “chance” meeting with a friend’s co-worker, who he thought would be a great match.
Cute, very funny, same industry (which is a good & bad thing).
Thankfully, I don’t think he was aware of the brunch’s intention.
So much less pressure to “perform” 😉
I know I don’t do well in groups, especially when most are strangers. I tend to be the quiet, listening one when surrounded by a large group of big boisterous personalities, like this one. 
It was hard not to “over-mimosa” to compensate, but thankfully I resisted the urge.
If anything, I got to know the group better & maybe a seed was planted…
I always appreciate my friend looking to hook a girl up!

And, of course right on cue, enters the guy I was dating right before I met my ex – a previous hook up attempt from same friend’s…I shoulda figured he’d be there.
Oops, sorry I never returned your calls or texts, I got busy being swept off my feet…so how’ve you been?
Slightly awkward…but my bubbly buzz helped 😉

Well that about sums up this past week, can’t wait to see what/who lies ahead this week!

xo


God Bless Pie

Ahhhhh, a new week has begun, what adventures lie ahead???

I will say, it is off to a great start!!
I know I’m always telling you stories as I look for love, but I’ve gotta share this high I’m on tonight ~
Earlier today I had some big decisions to make with my upcoming collection for Ch*Armz, of course the creative side of the decision process was fun (I love that part!) but when it came down to all the other stuff, I was spinning out in my head.
I did not want to freeze & over-think, but yet I’ve gotta think it through…how much is too much when it comes to thinking?
My gut knew I was on the right path, I just needed to keep reminding my feet to take one step, then another. It was time for action instead of analyzation.
And I did, I took action!
I sit here with a living room full of fabric I adore & now I’m looking at the next step.
Today showed me I do have faith in myself & in my abilities.

I am giddy at the thought of the next few months as I challenge myself to step outside of my fears & believe in me!
My “safe” life is great, but I have dreams for it to be bigger & I can make it bigger!

And of course this pertains to love too!!
I’m working on pushing through my fears of getting hurt & being vulnerable again, believing I’m enough & lovable, but it’s not always easy…

Take for instance, Guy #4.
I should’ve known when he booked the date & said “let’s do early on Friday (7p) before we get our night’s started”.
I hate to say it, but he was my Friday night. 
It may be the romantic in me, but even if we say we’re just meeting for drinks, I like to keep the evening open to the possibility of anything, we may hit it off, decide to have dinner, talk for hours, who knows…end up at the beach with our toes in the sand.
OR home 45 minutes later with a box salad & Liz Lemon.

We met at Golden Road Brewery, which is a great casual spot, if you’re a beer drinker, which he is not. Odd choice of venue. He ordered wine.
They have the communal dining experience, so our 1st date was joined 2 other couples & a family of 3, nice & intimate 😉
Once we got our drinks & squeezed ourselves into a table, the stand-up routine began.
I thought he was a producer/sax player/movie critic, now we’re adding comedian to the mix?
Oh boy!
Oh & he’s also a baker, which may have been what lured me on the date to be honest 😉

So, we get to talking about baked goods & here comes the schtick.
He’s talking about the “Republic of Pies” somewhere in the Valley, 
my interest is piqued, what’s on the menu, where is it, etc…& he gets rolling with its more of a “dictatorship of pies”, no wait its an “oligarchy of pies”…is it, is it an oligarchy? he asks….& PULLS OUT HIS PHONE, gotta Google this…yep, yep its an”Oligarchy of Pies”
He’s cracking himself up. I wince, fake chuckle & gulp my beer. 

And in a blink of an eye our mini date was done, he had dinner plans.
Points for at least paying for my drink, but they were quickly lost as he couldn’t even walk me 3 cars past his to mine.
I like when they make it clear as day that you’d never like to see them again.
Next…

I will say I’m glad Guys 1-4 have gotten me back out there; they’ve introduced me to some great restaurants, lounges & cuisine.
They have also shown me I need to tune back in to what type of partner I’m looking for & not be so eager to just get to the date.
I want the dates to be fun & be something I look forward to…
I look forward to the endless conversations, the holding hands, the laughing & the sharing as we get to know each other…

I’m diving back in the sea to find my fish.
Guaranteed more stories to follow 😉

In the meantime, I’m curling up with some love letters & great stories.
In a recent trip to Ojai with Mom, we came across this amazing outdoor book store, Bart’s Books.
We got lost in there for hours. Mom in reflexology. Me in great love stories of the past.   

 I found an interesting biography of JFK & Jackie’s love & life together that I couldn’t resist getting, I want behind the story of Camelot. Plus its an old hard cover book, just like good ole library days. It feels so weird to turn actual pages! I love it!

And as I dug through stacks of books, I was drawn to Keats & his love letters to Fanny Brawne…awww the beauty of words!

Look at that gaze!

13 October, 1819

“…My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit to my love now….Your note came in just here. I cannot be happier away from you. ‘Tis richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threaten me in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion – I have shudder’d at it. I shudder no more – I could be martyr’d for my Religion – Love is my religion – I could die for that. I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet. You have ravish’d me away by a Power I cannot resist; and yet I could resist til I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often ‘to reason against the reason of my Love.’ I can do no more – the pain would be too great. I cannot breathe without you.
                                                                                                                  Yours for ever
                                                                                                                        John Keats

And on that note…
xo

Mid-week musings




Alrighty, I’m a month into the Summer of YES, thought I’d check in & give y’all a lil update.
I will say that saying “yes” keeps one’s calendar quite full!
Between friends, family, travel, OkCupid & How bout we?, life has been one activity to the next.

My month on How bout we? is up & here’s what I’ve learned from this dating site:
~While the site’s intent is to get you offline quicker & out dating, it’s like pulling teeth to get the men to actually ask you out, still lots of emails pinging back & forth…boring, let’s meet up!
~ Men love the “Intrigued” button…c’mon, man up & actually start a conversation!
~ Men love to put wildly creative 1st dates up, which is quite a fantastic insight to their personality, but has yet to have been the actual 1st date.
~ Women put realistic dates like “let’s go for coffee or a drink” 
(which has been what the 1st dates have actually been at the man’s suggestion funnily enough)
~ Silly screen names are abundant
~ Like most other sites, some conversations just fade away, never to be heard from again
~ Men in their late 50’s still think they’ve got it
(I am & will always be impressed with men’s confidence levels)

While it was fun, I’m logging out of How bout we? for now. 
Heading back to work & figuring time will be limited, I might as well hang out with my good ole freebie pal, OkCupid 😉

Round up of dates from the past month: 3 guys, 7 dates
Guy #1 (OkC), oh you also know him as Chandler Bing, popped back in so unexpectedly that I found myself saying yes before I realized who I was talking to ~ but I said YES!
For our 2nd date, we were gonna hit a story slam that I wanted to go to, but I tend to forget that we live in a city of millions, so if I hear of an event chances are pretty good that at least 2-3 million also heard about it, so with a line weaving around the block, we did not get in…which really was too bad since we’d now be forced to talk over dinner. 
The food was amazing (love finding a new good Mexican food spot!) & with 2 margaritas in me I was fine to let him ramble on about doing background work (mind you, I thought he was an asst. director).
I think we all know there’s no more to this story…

Guy #2 (How bout we), caught my attention by pointing out 2 of my likes ~ he wears glasses & enjoys movies.
He recently turned 50, kinda my cap on the older man range, but thought I’d be open to it since we seemed to have similar values & interests. 
First date was fun, good conversation, & he’d picked a cool spot to meet up ~ all encouraging things.
2nd date ~ the eyeglasses stayed on the table the whole time, learned about all the diet restrictions to help lose the few lbs that have crept up since the 5-0, couldn’t really answer why his marriage ended, & kept the date going for about an hour & half too long. 
Bad date topics started coming up as we searched for conversation, learned alot during that segment of the date 😉
Wanted to try again for some silly reason & accepted Date #3.
Beautiful restaurant, very romantic, delicious food.
Wished the entire time I was there with someone else.
Things were said, true colors shown & it was confirmed we’re not a match.

Guy #3 (How bout we), took about 20 emails to get him to set up a date, which he did by emailing over his # & saying text me in the morning to make plans…ah such the gentleman.
I’ll admit that set the tone of very low expectations on my part. 
So when I texted him & he suggested a thai restaurant, I was pleasantly surprised & said yes.
Then I realized he never said a time to meet or sent over the address, a link, nothing.
Being self sufficient, I yelp’ed it, got the address & saw that it was closed.
Dilemma – share this info or let him learn the hard way? 
I figured I’d see if he’d ever set a time & catch this bit of info himself, & if I hadn’t heard from him as I left my earlier party, I might mention it via text.
Hours later I get the text saying its closed & scrambling to find a new spot, all while I’m at the party he knows I’m at & he keeps texting! (One thing I hate doing is being on my phone when out with friends, so rude!).
Picks a bar in the middle for both of us, which ends up being Silverlake.
Obnoxiously loud music & waaaaaay too hipster-y for me.
He’s a director. Most of the date he was very LA douche-y, name dropping, etc. 
Turned human when he talked about his boys.
But when conversation ran out mid-way, he grabbed my head & pulled me in & started kissing me.
Now it had been a while & I was really really missing kissing, so I gave in, to try him on.
The thing is when you do that, then realize you don’t want to be kissing him, it gets really awkward as he keeps trying for the rest of the date…
**GUYS – if you’re gonna kiss on the 1st date, wait til the end, let it build! Better yet, leave her wanting you & don’t kiss til the 2nd date** 
Felt way too violated to give him another chance.

In my 20’s I used to kiss all sorts of guys, but now I really want to be attracted to them as a person first. 
I love kissing, I do. I miss it, but making out just for the “sake of kissing” isn’t all that fun anymore. 

Oh, I almost forgot about Guy #4 (OkC), I’m meeting him for drinks on Friday.
His profile sounds great, he bakes delicious goodies ~ of course “yes” let’s meet up.
He’s a producer of entertainment news & so far our phone chats have been more interview style, but for now I’m writing it off to work-mode…we’ll see…


Now I don’t take these seriously, but I saw this week’s horoscope & could help wishing for a lil truth in it…
I think you & I both know the answer though after the above re-cap 😉
Pisces (February 20-March 20)

Paddleboarding, anyone? The Leo sun lights up your sixth house of health for the next month, calling forth the wellness warrior in you. Last week you sneered at a friend’s tireless green smoothie Instagrams, this week, you’re firing up the blender and asking her for tips on making kale. Romantic Venus cruises into your commitment zone from Monday through August 15 sprinkling serious relationship fairy dust all over your love life. Time to have The Talk, Pisces. 


I’ve been re-marathoning with 30 Rock lately & enjoying the beauty of Liz Lemon. 
She is unapologetically herself & everything out of her mouth makes me laugh!

The hopeless romantic in me is still clinging to the idea of magical first dates, getting lost in each other where the world around you disappears, falling passionately in love…but with the current date situations & Liz saying quotes like these, it makes me kinda wonder…maybe I do “just want to start a relationship 12 years in”…



Lemon out ~
xo







Flipping the Switch

Have you ever gotten so into autopilot mode that you didn’t even realize you had your bra on as you got in the shower?
No? Really?
Well, I was deep into that mode & it seriously took that act of silly thoughtlessness to shake me awake!

Two weeks into a hiatus from a grueling work schedule, I’m beginning to gain momentum back in to MY LIFE.
And by “my life”, I mean having time to process a thought, to actually think about how I feel about something, taste the flavor of foods & savor them, 
listen to music & dance, read a book & not fall asleep after the 1st page.
Experiencing vs. just existing.
I’m reconnecting to what I like, finding again who I am.

And it feels good!
So good that I’m ready to kick autopilot’s a** & make some changes!

Two summers ago a friend took on a “summer of yes”.
Life had gotten to a spot where it needed a lil shaking up, some newness needed injecting.
So she decided to say YES to any & all opportunities that came her way.
She invited friends to connect her to others, widening her social & dating circles.
As she opened herself up, the Universe responded with amazing opportunities.
In these past 2 years, I’ve witnessed so many blessings come into her life, 
from love & family to consistent creative job opportunities.
Its been so cool to watch!
She didn’t sit back & wish for it, or use the “Secret” & wait for it to arrive,  she made a conscious decision that shifted her energy & within that shift the energy keeps gaining momentum.

So, of course when you witness transformations like this do you really want to sit by & watch your life stay the same????
Me neither!!!

I pumped her for info ~ how do you do it? what are the rules? do I always, always have to say yes? 
My “over-achiever good student” mode kicked in, I mean I wanted to do this right, get that A+, win the man of my dreams, travel, play, you name it, it could all become my reality…of course that’s not how it works exactly, there’s no “do this & voila happiness”
Its a journey of yeses.

So far I’ve learned old habits are hard to break.
And she’s called me on it!
I didn’t even realize I was saying no!!
Damn Autopilot…hit the switch, eject eject!
Of course, I argued & wanted to be right, blaming a sad mood.
Thank god she argues back 🙂

Now that’ve started feeling like me again, I have consciously made the decision to say

I flipped the switch to yes on Monday
& I am in awe of the changes that have already happened in 4 days!!

I decided I needed to shake up the online dating arena & joined
“How Bout We…” (thanks to her pointing it out as a yes action since she saw me wavering on it due to cost) 
It’s a cool site where you throw out a date suggestion & see who bites.
I like the concept – alot!
No hiding behind computer screens for endless rounds of emails.
Just getting out there & dating! Yeah!

 They always say dating is a numbers game, so its time to play!

So far 2 different dates this week have happened & several conversations planning dates are on-going.

I have got to learn how to juggle multiple guys!! Quick!
One guy called the other night, & thank god he said which site he was from, with a quick run to the laptop to reference profiles, I was up to speed to keep on chatting.

Things I have learned so far: 
by saying yes to a wider age range there is definitely different protocols,
30-something guys seem to text only 
& are more spontaneous in date planning – (ding) text: hey, in your area, what are you up to?
Late 40’s-50yr old guys, call for the most part & texts are reserved for sending addresses of meet-up locale,
They also prefer early evening dates…

I’m learning so much 😉

Met Date #1 this week at a cool lounge in the Valley, which I hadn’t been to before (definitely one fun part is finding new spots about town!).
So the entrance was in the back alley,
it was very dark inside,
& he came wearing a baseball hat…hmmmmm 
Totally fine date, nice conversation.
As we walked back out in to the bright daylight, out came the words (from both of us)
“that was fun. this is great. we should do it again some time”
Totally Chandler Bing-ed it!!
Pretty sure we both walked away thinking we’ll never see each other again 🙂

Date guy #2 was earlier tonight ~
he picked a really cool spot downtown (another new intro to me).
Drinks turned in to dinner, which turned into coffee after
(I forgot to get decaf, hence my chattiness)
Had a really good time.
And, he’s already followed up for a 2nd date ~ awww yeah!

The good energy is flowing!!
Let the dating games begin!!!

Of course, one of my favorite parts of dating is getting all dressed up for it, especially in summer with all the pretty dress options.
Thought I’d share the go-to 1st date look ~ if you see me out in this, you can probably bet I’m meeting a guy.  
My favorite feel good style is 
a cute colorful dress, cinched at the waist to show those curves 😉


 Worn with an array of shoe options depending on said date’s height (a tall girl has to be prepared in a town of short men). It’s either flat sandals, 2″ sandals or the 3″ heels

And the best accessory, my smile (cheesy, but true, hehe)

Here’s to seeing what fun YES brings!! Cheers
xo

"Field of Dreams"-ing it

Ok, so we last left off with an anticipated round of “speed dating” coming up…
I was actually quite excited for this evening.
It had been a while since I had powered through a few dates in one evening & the idea was sounding fun again.
It was with a few Meet-up groups collaborating to bring together what sounded like a pretty cool group of people, mostly single professionals in their 30’s & 40’s – perfect!
(seriously, a job is a requirement these days! Am I right, ladies?!)

I liked the idea that it was through meetup.com versus a “speed dating” company, which I’ve tried & have always had fun at but it felt a lil less pressure-y somehow in my mind.
It was also conveniently located at a pub around the corner from the lot, so super easy to get dolled up after work & pop over.
I made sure to rsvp early when I saw the initial posting, I was ready!
They had a ‘pay now’ or ‘pay at door’ option, the later being far more expensive, so I tried to click thru & pay w/o much luck since the links kept circling me back.
I wasn’t too worried & figured I ‘d try again before the event.

It quickly ‘sold out’ to women, as is often the case, so I was thankful for my rsvp.
The night before I figured out the payment system, all was good, 
let’s get our date on!

The next morning I picked out my casual, yet cute, hip with a twist of preppy dress that said ‘yeah, lemme show you a lil sense of my style without trying too hard”, I grabbed my sandals, & a pop of color clutch ~ all were handy in the car, easily ready to transform me from ‘worker Carlie’ to “fun, we should hang out Carlie’.

On the commute the next morning, during a particularly long stand still in the canyon, I was checking my email (only while stopped, I promise!).
There I saw an email from Phil.
Phil was writing to tell me that he was refunding me for that evening’s speed dating event.
Apparently the system had a glitch & it was sold out to women & shouldn’t have processed my payment.
I quickly wrote back explaining to him, ‘oh no, I had already rvsp’d, I just preferred to pay in advance & not at the door. I’ll see you this evening’
Sadly, no I would not…
Apparently the rsvp was meaningless w/o payment, which boggles me as to why they offered a ‘pay at the door’ option then…

This was the 2nd speed dating event this year that got cancelled on me on the same day of the event…
I will admit a few tears of frustration were shed as I crawled down the canyon…

I was really tired of getting excited, getting my hopes up & then being let down. 
I was questioning it all…why bother?

What was a girl to do, but turn to Mom.
As always, she came through with the best response ~ “obviously this was God’s way of letting you know you weren’t going to meet any one great there & He just saved you the money”
I love her!
Thanks Mom!!

So this, along with inbox messages from the likes of Spacelord67, Lazybum99, & DaBrothaMan on okCupid, I was feeling pretty down on the whole dating scene…

I’ve been on a journey of revisiting my Faith this year (thanks to a book from Mom), where I’ve working on being more trusting in God & his plan for me, instead of pushing through what I think I know is best…(it can be tough!)
Mom has been faithfully praying for him to come in to my life for, um 39 years now, so maybe its time I place a lil faith in God too that he’ll send him when the time is right.

So I’m going to relax a bit, take some deep breaths 
& enjoy the summer fun that lies ahead 🙂

Of course, now that I’ve said that, you’re gonna laugh at me for my “Field of Dreams”-ing it, but it doesn’t hurt 😉
“If you build it, they will come”

I’m back at my old practice of buying an extra ticket for events I want to go to.
I figure ‘cool, if he’s around by then I’ll have a great date to take to this show, this event, this opening, you name it…’
If he hasn’t shown up by the time of said event, my lucky friends reap the benefits 😉
which is always a guaranteed good night out!
Its a win-win either way in my book!

Here’s to believing!!
xo

Ahhhh the Sweet smell of Summer has arrived….

Wait, what??! It’s June??!!
 Yep,  the days are longer, the sun feels warmer, & the birds are chirping really early in the morning, I think its here…
That familiar sense of endless possibilities is surrounding me, hugging me ~ mmhmm yep, that’s that SUMMER feeling 
 & this year I couldn’t be more ready for some summer FUN!!

Life has been pretty hectic these past few months & I’ll admit it was a welcomed craziness! I dove head first in to work, into my business, & into anything to avoid feeling my way through my heartache.
And it worked for a while, but when I came up for air the heartache was still there…
I knew I needed to face it, but I knew I needed help.

So, as if I wasn’t busy enough, I enrolled back in with my amazing dating coach, 
Marni Battista. 
I knew no one would tell me straight up like it is & make me believe in myself enough again like she could! With her previous coaching, I had experienced my first true love, but now as I was experiencing my first true heartbreak I needed guidance to get out of the fog.

It has truly been a roller coaster of emotions these past few months & as a reformed “frequent avoider” of facing my feelings, it has been scary, uncomfortable & exhilarating!

Two summer’s ago, Marni & I finished up our work together & out into the dating world she sent me ~ a more confident & self-loving version of me.
And it worked! 
Once I had learned to love myself & saw the goodness I could bring to a relationship, the men started showing up.
A particularly wonderful man caught my attention quickly & it lead to an amazing summer!
(I’ll save you from all the stories, but if you want to read’em they’re at http://firstloveat37.blogspot.com/ )

We lasted a year. 
Maybe the timing was off, maybe it ran its course, I can only speak from my experience, that it will always be a year I treasure & hold close to my heart.
I learned to love & be loved and it was beautiful.

Needless to say that lead to the not-so-best summer of my life last year…

Now that we’ve circled around to another summer, I am ready to love fully, madly & deeply again!!!
I’m excited to be back writing again & will be sharing all the fun adventures, mishaps, & insights that dating at 39 brings!!!

I am taking on this summer with an open heart & an open mind!
Love could be anywhere!
Yes, I’ll be looking online, maybe going a round or 2 at speed dating, meet-ups, you name it ~ it’s all going to be about being out LIVING A LIFE I LOVE!

That being said, I am also open to meeting any fine gentlemen you may know. 
If you know me & know someone who you think may be a good match, why not introduce us? 😉

A couple of friends have done just that & it been fun meeting new men.
The 1st guy was my “getting back in the saddle” guy, there’s always gotta be that guy, right? 😉
It was fun to be out connecting, flirting, conversing, but not a match.
This 2nd guy is very nice…we’ll see… 

I feel lots of adventures await & you’ll get to be along for the ride!
Stay tuned.
I’ve gotta run ~ a BBQ at the beach is waiting

SUMMER IS HERE ~ CHEERS!
xoxo

Happy New Year ~ 2013!!

Well, another new year is among us ~ happy 2013 to you!!
Were you glad to see 2012 go? Anxious to see what lies ahead?
I gotta say I think I’m ready for a new start…

2012 started off on a high note & it did pretty good for about 1/2 it’s stay for me. How about you?

I got to thinking a new year deserves a new blog!
I’ve missed sharing my stories with you! So here we are ~ “Insights at 39”
Ok, ok, ok I’m sure some of you are saying, but you’re not 39, Carlie…ok, yes that’s true today, but since the bday isn’t far off, I figured I’d round up (majority of months rule).
Well, then why bother with the age in the title, you ask?
I like it. I like the journey of time & acknowledging where I am, where I’ve been & how far I’ve come.
I was out with a friend over the holidays & he suggested the title “Wisdom at 39”, based on all that I’ve learned up til know…hmmmm yeah, it sounds good, & I guess I have learned alot… if only I felt wise 😉
Until I own my wisdom, you’re stuck with my insights.
Here we go!

Maybe to start this off, I’ll give a lil re-cap of what’s been going on since we last chatted & then it can be all about going forward!
(If you need a bit of a 2012 refresher, check out http://firstloveat37.blogspot.com/ )

When I last left you, I was doing pretty good, back in my groove (aside from the attack of the ticking clock syndrome).
And its so true about what they say, when things are going well in your life, your energy begins radiating higher, & good things can’t help but come your way.
And they were!
Work was steady & flowing to me, my business was picking up speed, I met a handsome boy (more on him shortly), I was even feeling so good, I contacted my ex!
Groove was on!

Back to the boy ~ 
It was martini night ~ my girlfriend & I finally, after several attempts, both found ourselves free on a Friday night, so it was time to catch up over the classic cocktail (or two).
There he was across the bar. 
I caught him glancing my way out of the corner of my eye. 
I blushed.
I could hear my lil voice saying “smile, make eye contact, hold it for a few seconds, oh & breathe!!”
So much harder than it sounds when one is out of practice & the gentleman is wearing glasses (have I mentioned my affinity for men in glasses?)
I managed a coy smile eventually once the martini arrived, but when I looked down & then back, he was gone!
Thankfully my friend noticed his party had arrived for dinner… ah phew.
Well, I knew we were going no where fast, we’ll wait him out 😉
Turns out, he beat me to the punch & came up from behind to compliment me on my smile.
Awwwww, swooning…& smiling
And like that he was gone, back to his business dinner, no name…nothing! (well, except for having points for having a JOB!!!!)
My faithful wing-gal caught him & brought him back to the table for proper introductions, flirtations & number exchanges. 
A tentative date set.

It was fun to feel the rush of butterflies again,  flush with excitement of possibilities.
To hear the tweet of a text & get giddy it may be from him.

Now having been an online dater of late, I’m used to getting a whole resume of likes/dislikes, job status, etc…what did I know about this guy??? It was odd, yet refreshing  to go on a date with a complete stranger.
We met for drinks the next week on Halloween, post-work & costume-free 😉
Which led to a dinner date that Saturday.
Funny thing about a guy who talks alot is that he can talk you right out of dating him, if you’re actually listening.
Well, at least I was back in the saddle again!

I dabbled back into the online world, and started chatting with another spectacled gentleman, who loved to email about his naps, text about his naps, & even talk about his naps post-nap interruption due to my call…yeah, I’m not a napper…
Next…

During this time, I was back chatting with my ex, seeing if we could do the friendship thing. I had missed him in my daily life & it was great to be reconnecting.
He had been taking his stabs at the dating world & had been seeing a woman for a couple of months.
It was good, I was glad he was out getting the taste of what he said he needed & wanted.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I smiled a lil inside when he exclaimed it wasn’t easy out there.
He did find an appreciation for the easiness that was “us”.

When he was having some relationship troubles, I stupidly let him confide in me. 
Boy did I learn my lesson!!
When he initially broke it off with me in July, I was heart broken, but I understood his need for this journey. I didn’t want a man who was wondering what he was missing. 
I wanted a man who knew he wanted to be with me.
So I could bounce back from that, I left that relationship feeling like I had been loved.

I should never have opened the door back up.

When I heard the stories of how ugly this woman was acting & how he kept wanting to be with her, all I could hear was how un-lovable I must have been.
He’s fighting to be with a wretched woman & yet he could so easily walk away from me?
Ahhhh aha, I get it now ~ it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be in a relationship, 
he just didn’t want to be in one with me.

The thoughts swirl through my head everyday ~ whats wrong with me? am I that unlovable? what makes her more special than me? how can I change? how can I become someone to love?
I fight them, but they’re there.

I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a rough holiday season, but I’m sitting here writing this on New Year’s Day, so I have survived!!!

On my last night back in Colorado, all of us Gabbert ladies got together ~ 
we painted,
 we drank, 
 we laughed, 
& from a blank canvas we each created “Lover’s Lane”.
I painted my future & I’m looking forward to that rainy day!!

(maaaaybe there is still a lil hopeless romantic left in me)
While there is doubt in my heart at the moment, I am trusting that will fade.
I’m witnessing the love that surrounds me & I am looking forward to seeing what the new year holds…stay tuned
xo

**while not a fervent believer in horoscopes, this 2013 one gave me a smile & if I follow its instructions, should give me much fodder for this blog 😉
Pisces: Dynamic
As the most romantic sign of all, you’re prone to having extreme expectations when it comes to love. The first half of this year is about you getting serious — what do you really want for yourself? Date as much as you can to find out, because this summer will bring on a one-year wave of ardent love interests. Be prepared to consider some serious relationship prospects — but your rose-colored glasses must stay in your pocket, not on your nose, if you want to be successful. For you, clarity is key in 2013. 

Happy New Year

Online dating follies

Why wasn’t I paying attention
in chemistry class?

So to catch you up ~ I had hired a dating coach, Marni,  who turned out to be more of my life coach at the beginning – we got my life in motion, launched a new business, left my time-consuming, life-sucking job, starting doing more things I enjoyed, caught up with friends…I got to a really happy place.


Time to tackle the dating arena now! Online she sent me.
I was a lil hesitant about it, based on past experiences, and also the fact that I feel its just a weird way to meet a potential mate (cuz of course, I’m still stuck on the “swelling music in the background as your eyes lock for the 1st time in a random meeting at the coffee shop” hoopla)


First round ~ match.com ~ 3 month subscription, bring it, I’m ready!
I come out “winking” like a mad woman at any somewhat decent profile.
No responses…okay, that’s alright…
A friend tells me I should just LOOK at their profile, so they see I checked them out & then let them be the 1st to make the move, you know you don’t wanna come on TOO strong & emasculate them…blah, blah, blah…
Hmmmmm…was beginning to think I’m checking out all the fake profiles posted to entice quality women in…
I start taking it personally – NEVER DO THAT! (but its kinda hard not to)


So, I’m telling Marni about my non-progress & she suggests okcupid.com. She’s got clients having success there & its FREE! Sign me up!
I give her a look at my profile, eh I kinda passed. She gave me a “B”, but I’m an “A+ overachiever” kinda gal, so we tweaked away until we got to a profile that was a shining me (it helps to have an outsider’s perspective of you, just sayin)
Then I got schooled in the “you don’t just wink!” (then why is it there??), you send them a quick lil message commenting on something you’ve read in their profile  – these are the obvious reasons why I need a dating coach!


Second round ~ okcupid.com ~ First I gotta say, ladies there are some QUALITY men WITH jobs on this site – check it out!
I was a message fool! Once I was shown the way, I was out of control, chatting up all sorts of types of guys – I was actually having fun!
Then…I get this really funny, interesting message in my inbox from someone I hadn’t approached…he was handsome, witty, had a job, was TALL (hard to find these days in L.A.). I was definitely intrigued.
The only thing holding me back was that he had kids, I wasn’t sure where my maternal instincts lied, but that could bring a dimension I wasn’t sure I was ready for, I mean, ex’s & all…eh
But of all the conversations I was having, the ones with him were the most interesting.
Ok, talked myself into it, meeting up for 1 drink couldn’t hurt ~ it’ll just be a fun evening out =)


Our FIRST date was set – 6pm(????) on a Thursday @ The Griffin…