Set-ups, solo dates, & flashbacks from the past…

Ok, I’m back at it!
Online flirting that is 😉
Always, gotta keep in practice, right?
So far, not so good in the response department, soooo I’m going with we’re not a match on all counts.

I will admit to getting confused by the guys who do pick you as a “match” via OkCupid’s “Quick Match” system, yet when you get notified that you both chose each other, they don’t make a move.
So, I’ll throw a quick lil note out there to said match…nothing.
Huh? Why?

It can all be very confusing.
I try to not interpret actions or non-actions, but you gotta wonder sometimes people’s motivations.
Best to keep it at screen value ~ what’s said is what’s meant, no action means no action, eventually someone who wants to chat will come along.
  
A friend sent me a link to an article about about modern dating.
It mostly pertained to the Millennial Generation, but it still made me sad.
The art of dating & courting a mate is disappearing, 
while 20-somethings just continue in hook-up mode from college or group dates.
A whole generation may never go on a proper date!! Its CRAZY!!

It seems gone is the actual verbal asking for a date, most guys seem to text or email & usually without much notice, according to the article.
I am SO thankful to not be a part of that generation!
Especially since I’ve been “trying out” the older gentlemen, they have all picked up the phone & asked me out (only 1 resorted to text & he was weeded out quickly).
Of course with their calling, it meant I actually had to pick up the phone – eek!- (& not screen it), which I proudly & nervously did 🙂
I’m not a phone person, never have been, even in high school. I like to use it to make the plans, & we’ll chat in person, so I try to keep the conversations short & sweet.
I will admit it is great to put a voice to the words you’ve been reading though.
It helps the daydreams seem more real.

It also brought up the FOMO theory. 
I’ll agree with my friend that it has always been around to some extent, but I feel the internet & online dating have made the Fear Of Missing Out more pronounced.
It has hyper-sensitized the fear of settling, I mean there’s soooooo many options now, with each click an even better woman or man could be waiting, while you just skim over one who’s good, but not 110% good….

Which leads me to pondering the “mathematical” matching systems they use on these sites…I’ve been shopping my matches & of course they see if you click on their profile, so at what percentage of a match is he worth clicking on? 75%? 80%? Only 90% & above make the cut?
I used to figure 85% & up was good, but then my clicks I was attracted to were getting few & far between, so I’ve lowered it to the 80% match tile, with high friend %’s too.
I figure that’s in the “B” range, right?
That’s a hopeful amount for connection, right?
I’m open to your suggestions 😉

Ok, enough with the online! Time to join the real world!
It was solo date night on Saturday & I had a blast!
I hadn’t treated just myself out in quite a while, so it was a refreshing change.
Now it wasn’t the intended plan for the evening, but all my friends were busy & I saw no point to my tickets going to waste. So I packed up my bag & off to the outdoor screening of “Gentlemen Prefer Blondes” I went.


Had a good book to keep me company til the sun set, munched on my popcorn & drank my wine. It was divine.

No awkward lulls in conversation. No worries if they were enjoying themselves. It was just me getting to soak up the gorgeous-ness of a crisp LA night, watching 2 wonderful actresses light up the screen.

Its so fun to watch Marilyn Monroe oooooze her femininity. Sure, sometimes she uses to get what she wants, but there’s something so amazing in watching a woman own her beauty & curves.
She was smart at playing dumb, you always know she knew what she was doing. So talented.

We always fight so hard to be taken seriously today, but I’d much rather see strength from men than fight to be their equal. I love the men/women dynamics of the older movies!
I feel I probably have lamented this before…

Ah yes, Ms Monroe ~ “I’m very definitely a woman & I enjoy it!”

So, from solo dates, I jumped to well-crafted brunch with friends on Sunday for a “chance” meeting with a friend’s co-worker, who he thought would be a great match.
Cute, very funny, same industry (which is a good & bad thing).
Thankfully, I don’t think he was aware of the brunch’s intention.
So much less pressure to “perform” 😉
I know I don’t do well in groups, especially when most are strangers. I tend to be the quiet, listening one when surrounded by a large group of big boisterous personalities, like this one. 
It was hard not to “over-mimosa” to compensate, but thankfully I resisted the urge.
If anything, I got to know the group better & maybe a seed was planted…
I always appreciate my friend looking to hook a girl up!

And, of course right on cue, enters the guy I was dating right before I met my ex – a previous hook up attempt from same friend’s…I shoulda figured he’d be there.
Oops, sorry I never returned your calls or texts, I got busy being swept off my feet…so how’ve you been?
Slightly awkward…but my bubbly buzz helped 😉

Well that about sums up this past week, can’t wait to see what/who lies ahead this week!

xo


God Bless Pie

Ahhhhh, a new week has begun, what adventures lie ahead???

I will say, it is off to a great start!!
I know I’m always telling you stories as I look for love, but I’ve gotta share this high I’m on tonight ~
Earlier today I had some big decisions to make with my upcoming collection for Ch*Armz, of course the creative side of the decision process was fun (I love that part!) but when it came down to all the other stuff, I was spinning out in my head.
I did not want to freeze & over-think, but yet I’ve gotta think it through…how much is too much when it comes to thinking?
My gut knew I was on the right path, I just needed to keep reminding my feet to take one step, then another. It was time for action instead of analyzation.
And I did, I took action!
I sit here with a living room full of fabric I adore & now I’m looking at the next step.
Today showed me I do have faith in myself & in my abilities.

I am giddy at the thought of the next few months as I challenge myself to step outside of my fears & believe in me!
My “safe” life is great, but I have dreams for it to be bigger & I can make it bigger!

And of course this pertains to love too!!
I’m working on pushing through my fears of getting hurt & being vulnerable again, believing I’m enough & lovable, but it’s not always easy…

Take for instance, Guy #4.
I should’ve known when he booked the date & said “let’s do early on Friday (7p) before we get our night’s started”.
I hate to say it, but he was my Friday night. 
It may be the romantic in me, but even if we say we’re just meeting for drinks, I like to keep the evening open to the possibility of anything, we may hit it off, decide to have dinner, talk for hours, who knows…end up at the beach with our toes in the sand.
OR home 45 minutes later with a box salad & Liz Lemon.

We met at Golden Road Brewery, which is a great casual spot, if you’re a beer drinker, which he is not. Odd choice of venue. He ordered wine.
They have the communal dining experience, so our 1st date was joined 2 other couples & a family of 3, nice & intimate 😉
Once we got our drinks & squeezed ourselves into a table, the stand-up routine began.
I thought he was a producer/sax player/movie critic, now we’re adding comedian to the mix?
Oh boy!
Oh & he’s also a baker, which may have been what lured me on the date to be honest 😉

So, we get to talking about baked goods & here comes the schtick.
He’s talking about the “Republic of Pies” somewhere in the Valley, 
my interest is piqued, what’s on the menu, where is it, etc…& he gets rolling with its more of a “dictatorship of pies”, no wait its an “oligarchy of pies”…is it, is it an oligarchy? he asks….& PULLS OUT HIS PHONE, gotta Google this…yep, yep its an”Oligarchy of Pies”
He’s cracking himself up. I wince, fake chuckle & gulp my beer. 

And in a blink of an eye our mini date was done, he had dinner plans.
Points for at least paying for my drink, but they were quickly lost as he couldn’t even walk me 3 cars past his to mine.
I like when they make it clear as day that you’d never like to see them again.
Next…

I will say I’m glad Guys 1-4 have gotten me back out there; they’ve introduced me to some great restaurants, lounges & cuisine.
They have also shown me I need to tune back in to what type of partner I’m looking for & not be so eager to just get to the date.
I want the dates to be fun & be something I look forward to…
I look forward to the endless conversations, the holding hands, the laughing & the sharing as we get to know each other…

I’m diving back in the sea to find my fish.
Guaranteed more stories to follow 😉

In the meantime, I’m curling up with some love letters & great stories.
In a recent trip to Ojai with Mom, we came across this amazing outdoor book store, Bart’s Books.
We got lost in there for hours. Mom in reflexology. Me in great love stories of the past.   

 I found an interesting biography of JFK & Jackie’s love & life together that I couldn’t resist getting, I want behind the story of Camelot. Plus its an old hard cover book, just like good ole library days. It feels so weird to turn actual pages! I love it!

And as I dug through stacks of books, I was drawn to Keats & his love letters to Fanny Brawne…awww the beauty of words!

Look at that gaze!

13 October, 1819

“…My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit to my love now….Your note came in just here. I cannot be happier away from you. ‘Tis richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threaten me in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion – I have shudder’d at it. I shudder no more – I could be martyr’d for my Religion – Love is my religion – I could die for that. I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet. You have ravish’d me away by a Power I cannot resist; and yet I could resist til I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often ‘to reason against the reason of my Love.’ I can do no more – the pain would be too great. I cannot breathe without you.
                                                                                                                  Yours for ever
                                                                                                                        John Keats

And on that note…
xo

Ahhhh the Sweet smell of Summer has arrived….

Wait, what??! It’s June??!!
 Yep,  the days are longer, the sun feels warmer, & the birds are chirping really early in the morning, I think its here…
That familiar sense of endless possibilities is surrounding me, hugging me ~ mmhmm yep, that’s that SUMMER feeling 
 & this year I couldn’t be more ready for some summer FUN!!

Life has been pretty hectic these past few months & I’ll admit it was a welcomed craziness! I dove head first in to work, into my business, & into anything to avoid feeling my way through my heartache.
And it worked for a while, but when I came up for air the heartache was still there…
I knew I needed to face it, but I knew I needed help.

So, as if I wasn’t busy enough, I enrolled back in with my amazing dating coach, 
Marni Battista. 
I knew no one would tell me straight up like it is & make me believe in myself enough again like she could! With her previous coaching, I had experienced my first true love, but now as I was experiencing my first true heartbreak I needed guidance to get out of the fog.

It has truly been a roller coaster of emotions these past few months & as a reformed “frequent avoider” of facing my feelings, it has been scary, uncomfortable & exhilarating!

Two summer’s ago, Marni & I finished up our work together & out into the dating world she sent me ~ a more confident & self-loving version of me.
And it worked! 
Once I had learned to love myself & saw the goodness I could bring to a relationship, the men started showing up.
A particularly wonderful man caught my attention quickly & it lead to an amazing summer!
(I’ll save you from all the stories, but if you want to read’em they’re at http://firstloveat37.blogspot.com/ )

We lasted a year. 
Maybe the timing was off, maybe it ran its course, I can only speak from my experience, that it will always be a year I treasure & hold close to my heart.
I learned to love & be loved and it was beautiful.

Needless to say that lead to the not-so-best summer of my life last year…

Now that we’ve circled around to another summer, I am ready to love fully, madly & deeply again!!!
I’m excited to be back writing again & will be sharing all the fun adventures, mishaps, & insights that dating at 39 brings!!!

I am taking on this summer with an open heart & an open mind!
Love could be anywhere!
Yes, I’ll be looking online, maybe going a round or 2 at speed dating, meet-ups, you name it ~ it’s all going to be about being out LIVING A LIFE I LOVE!

That being said, I am also open to meeting any fine gentlemen you may know. 
If you know me & know someone who you think may be a good match, why not introduce us? 😉

A couple of friends have done just that & it been fun meeting new men.
The 1st guy was my “getting back in the saddle” guy, there’s always gotta be that guy, right? 😉
It was fun to be out connecting, flirting, conversing, but not a match.
This 2nd guy is very nice…we’ll see… 

I feel lots of adventures await & you’ll get to be along for the ride!
Stay tuned.
I’ve gotta run ~ a BBQ at the beach is waiting

SUMMER IS HERE ~ CHEERS!
xoxo

Happy New Year ~ 2013!!

Well, another new year is among us ~ happy 2013 to you!!
Were you glad to see 2012 go? Anxious to see what lies ahead?
I gotta say I think I’m ready for a new start…

2012 started off on a high note & it did pretty good for about 1/2 it’s stay for me. How about you?

I got to thinking a new year deserves a new blog!
I’ve missed sharing my stories with you! So here we are ~ “Insights at 39”
Ok, ok, ok I’m sure some of you are saying, but you’re not 39, Carlie…ok, yes that’s true today, but since the bday isn’t far off, I figured I’d round up (majority of months rule).
Well, then why bother with the age in the title, you ask?
I like it. I like the journey of time & acknowledging where I am, where I’ve been & how far I’ve come.
I was out with a friend over the holidays & he suggested the title “Wisdom at 39”, based on all that I’ve learned up til know…hmmmm yeah, it sounds good, & I guess I have learned alot… if only I felt wise 😉
Until I own my wisdom, you’re stuck with my insights.
Here we go!

Maybe to start this off, I’ll give a lil re-cap of what’s been going on since we last chatted & then it can be all about going forward!
(If you need a bit of a 2012 refresher, check out http://firstloveat37.blogspot.com/ )

When I last left you, I was doing pretty good, back in my groove (aside from the attack of the ticking clock syndrome).
And its so true about what they say, when things are going well in your life, your energy begins radiating higher, & good things can’t help but come your way.
And they were!
Work was steady & flowing to me, my business was picking up speed, I met a handsome boy (more on him shortly), I was even feeling so good, I contacted my ex!
Groove was on!

Back to the boy ~ 
It was martini night ~ my girlfriend & I finally, after several attempts, both found ourselves free on a Friday night, so it was time to catch up over the classic cocktail (or two).
There he was across the bar. 
I caught him glancing my way out of the corner of my eye. 
I blushed.
I could hear my lil voice saying “smile, make eye contact, hold it for a few seconds, oh & breathe!!”
So much harder than it sounds when one is out of practice & the gentleman is wearing glasses (have I mentioned my affinity for men in glasses?)
I managed a coy smile eventually once the martini arrived, but when I looked down & then back, he was gone!
Thankfully my friend noticed his party had arrived for dinner… ah phew.
Well, I knew we were going no where fast, we’ll wait him out 😉
Turns out, he beat me to the punch & came up from behind to compliment me on my smile.
Awwwww, swooning…& smiling
And like that he was gone, back to his business dinner, no name…nothing! (well, except for having points for having a JOB!!!!)
My faithful wing-gal caught him & brought him back to the table for proper introductions, flirtations & number exchanges. 
A tentative date set.

It was fun to feel the rush of butterflies again,  flush with excitement of possibilities.
To hear the tweet of a text & get giddy it may be from him.

Now having been an online dater of late, I’m used to getting a whole resume of likes/dislikes, job status, etc…what did I know about this guy??? It was odd, yet refreshing  to go on a date with a complete stranger.
We met for drinks the next week on Halloween, post-work & costume-free 😉
Which led to a dinner date that Saturday.
Funny thing about a guy who talks alot is that he can talk you right out of dating him, if you’re actually listening.
Well, at least I was back in the saddle again!

I dabbled back into the online world, and started chatting with another spectacled gentleman, who loved to email about his naps, text about his naps, & even talk about his naps post-nap interruption due to my call…yeah, I’m not a napper…
Next…

During this time, I was back chatting with my ex, seeing if we could do the friendship thing. I had missed him in my daily life & it was great to be reconnecting.
He had been taking his stabs at the dating world & had been seeing a woman for a couple of months.
It was good, I was glad he was out getting the taste of what he said he needed & wanted.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I smiled a lil inside when he exclaimed it wasn’t easy out there.
He did find an appreciation for the easiness that was “us”.

When he was having some relationship troubles, I stupidly let him confide in me. 
Boy did I learn my lesson!!
When he initially broke it off with me in July, I was heart broken, but I understood his need for this journey. I didn’t want a man who was wondering what he was missing. 
I wanted a man who knew he wanted to be with me.
So I could bounce back from that, I left that relationship feeling like I had been loved.

I should never have opened the door back up.

When I heard the stories of how ugly this woman was acting & how he kept wanting to be with her, all I could hear was how un-lovable I must have been.
He’s fighting to be with a wretched woman & yet he could so easily walk away from me?
Ahhhh aha, I get it now ~ it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be in a relationship, 
he just didn’t want to be in one with me.

The thoughts swirl through my head everyday ~ whats wrong with me? am I that unlovable? what makes her more special than me? how can I change? how can I become someone to love?
I fight them, but they’re there.

I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a rough holiday season, but I’m sitting here writing this on New Year’s Day, so I have survived!!!

On my last night back in Colorado, all of us Gabbert ladies got together ~ 
we painted,
 we drank, 
 we laughed, 
& from a blank canvas we each created “Lover’s Lane”.
I painted my future & I’m looking forward to that rainy day!!

(maaaaybe there is still a lil hopeless romantic left in me)
While there is doubt in my heart at the moment, I am trusting that will fade.
I’m witnessing the love that surrounds me & I am looking forward to seeing what the new year holds…stay tuned
xo

**while not a fervent believer in horoscopes, this 2013 one gave me a smile & if I follow its instructions, should give me much fodder for this blog 😉
Pisces: Dynamic
As the most romantic sign of all, you’re prone to having extreme expectations when it comes to love. The first half of this year is about you getting serious — what do you really want for yourself? Date as much as you can to find out, because this summer will bring on a one-year wave of ardent love interests. Be prepared to consider some serious relationship prospects — but your rose-colored glasses must stay in your pocket, not on your nose, if you want to be successful. For you, clarity is key in 2013. 

Happy New Year