Who do you picture me with?

I always enjoy when friends offer to introduce me to someone 
they think would be ‘perfect’ for me. I feel it comes with a seal of approval & I will always say “yes, please” if you offer 😉
And here’s why:
One: If you’re my friend, I inherently trust you.
Two: You know me better than most others, & definitely better than a computer algorithm does (hopefully).
Three: You’re looking out for both parties interests, so likelihood of disaster is slimmer than usual.
Four: I love ya for thinking of me & joining the cause 🙂

A fun pastime lately has been finding out what ‘type’ of guy you see me with, because it has proven to be vastly different than the men I’ve been seeing.
Its turned into a fun game to pass over my phone & let my gals do a lil shopping for me on my various dating sites. I love to see who y’all would pick for me.
General consensus seems to be an arty guy, usually dark hair, most choose a hip looking guy, stylish, with a long list of interests.
And I get it, I’ve clicked on, winked, and messaged those guys too…usually feeling they’re a bit out of my league, but what the hell it doesn’t hurt to try, right? 
We could possibly hit it off, right? 
But the thing is I don’t enjoy silence & this is what I’ve gotten from this type. They don’t find me to be their type either…
So I re-calibrated.

When then presented with the current options I’m in conversation with, my friends have given mixed reactions, a lot of hmmmm’s & huh’s, 
but then they start to warm up to them…kinda how I have.
My main ‘draw me in’ feature is kind eyes, I believe a good soul lies behind kind eyes.
I have faith in this.

A friend called recently to say she met a great match for me who lived in my neighborhood, would I be interested?
Yes, please!
(Even though I’ve been on a break from actively pursuing dates online, I figured this warranted coming off the bench & getting back in the game).
She email intro’d us & there it was – his FULL name!
To Google I went! I must learn more about this mystery man!
Since I knew nothing about him there was no way to narrow down which picture was him, what profile on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, you name it-site, was his…so I surrendered & figured I’d learn all about him old-school style, actually from HIM!
But by going in blindly I didn’t know where we stood on the ‘kind eyes’ front…
He emailed me quickly after the intro, short & sweet, dipping a toe in.
I waited a lil bit (not wanting to seem too eager), I tossed out a few questions 
and the banter began.
With each email little nuggets arrived helping to form a picture in my head. I started to look forward to his responses. There were definitely interests he had that were drastically opposite to my lifestyle, but I thought ‘hey, be open! He could show you a whole new fun world’.  So I kept going forward, my friend saw something in him that I might like too. Dating fearlessly! Although I did begin to question his extensive use of emoji’s & LOL’s, was he a 16 year old girl? Nah, he can’t be, I rationalized, my friend wouldn’t play a mean joke like that, would she? Nahhhhh…
After a few days the phone number exchange happened, this is it people, voice-on-voice contact is now a possibility!
Ok, so no voice…text…(16 year old girl? Nahhhhh?). It was early on a Saturday morning, so I ruled out the 16yo girl possibility again.
I responded. Nothing.
A few hours go by. Nothing.
Early afternoon he texts back. He passed out & was just waking up.
My phone beeped again.
His photo appeared.
Oh no. Oh my, no.
A shirtless selfie with bad euro-trash sunglasses – where are your eyes?
Show me your eyes!!!
He was not my type – former or current!

I highly highly doubted I’d be his type too, but just to cinch it I searched for the sweetest, most innocent pic of myself & sent it off, the whole time chanting “please don’t like me, please don’t like me…!!!!”
A funny twist since I was always the girl ‘hoping & hoping’ any guy would like me, and  please love me. Nope, not now. 
I just don’t have the energy to go on another bad date & find a polite way to say “we’re not a match”. 

I never heard back from him 🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~

I got a recommendation last week from my amazing hair gal about a new dating app
& I figured I might as well stay off the bench and continue playing.
Its called “Coffee meets Bagel”
Don’t ask me why.
So each day at noon they send you your daily ‘bagel’. You only get one a day.
And like Tinder, it pulls from your Facebook account.
You only get 24 hours to decide if you ‘like’ him or want to ‘pass’ on him.
With each sequential bagel, you matches will improve as the app deciphers your likes/dislikes.
We’ll see…I’m a week in & only one bagel was worth biting in to.


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last thought…

Today I spent the day on the set shooting promos for the WeTV series “Marriage Bootcamp”.
I really did not know what to expect from these reality stars, but I fell a lil in love with each of them! 
I saw the love and partnership between each couple that I aspire to experience with my man. They would not have been there unless they had hit a rough patch in their relationship, and from the what I witnessed today those hard times helped create a closeness & bond you cannot share with just anybody.
Every couple’s dynamic was different ~ this is what I observed from the sidelines…
One couple protected each other, they supported each other’s strengths without feeling threatened and spoke up for who ‘they’ were. They were not going to misrepresent their relationship & I admired their integrity to each other and their commitment. Another couple brought out the best in each other & knew when to let the other shine. I witnessed strong personalities sharing space equally. I saw insecurities being calmed. I saw warmth. I saw kind eyes. I saw passion. I saw love.
I fought off tears watching one couple & their connection. 
I am so very tired of being alone & I ache to experience what I saw between them.

I left inspired having seen love alive & in action.

The Modernization of Disney

Beautiful version, right?
A friend shared this gorgeous video last week & it reminded me of a post I meant to write a few weeks ago after I saw Disney’s latest movie, Frozen.
(can’t believe I completely forgot to write it, I guess it was meant to come now)

Have you seen it?
If you haven’t, #1 – why? and
#2 If you plan to, STOP READING! **Spoiler Alerts possible**

I’m sure I’ve probably talked about this before because I’m a product of the, as I like to call it, Disney ‘Princess Syndrome’, so bear with me…
As little girl’s we grew up with these classic  fairy tales of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty & Snow White, versions of princesses being found or rescued by their “princes”, experiencing a “true love’s kiss” & living happily ever after…um, yeah thanks Walt, you kinda messed with a generation of girl’s minds who now as adults, know these are just tales but still dream of experiencing one or two of those magical moments.
(I also do think our shoe obsession began with the glass slipper, think about it…)

God bless Disney for catching up with today times & even poking fun at themselves in Frozen! This movie adds elements into their storyline that is much more relevant with today’s thoughts, from strong women in power to Disney’s 1st gay family.
Huge fantastic leaps forward!

By far my favorite updated element is everyone’s reaction to Anna’s foolish engagement to the prince she’s only just met. There’s swooning, there’s dancing, there’s duet-ing & finishing each other’s sandwiches ~ all classic Disney moves that I began to fall for, like Pavlov’s dog, but thank goodness they created smart, real characters to look out for Anna!
“You can’t marry a man you just met” ~ “Elsa”
“Who marries a man they met?” ~ Kristoff
Thank you reality check!

I absolutely adore Anna’s plucky character & she sticks to her guns, she loves him, she’ll defend her hearts wishes, but what’s even better is that she is not blind & doesn’t just accept, she fights, she questions, she’s a modern girl!
And its ok to be wrong about your “love” & to move on, such a great message to young girl’s today.

My 2nd favorite element to this movie is Elsa’s self-empowerment.
After fleeing Arendelle once her powers are revealed, Elsa actually discovers the beauty within herself & that that is all that matters. She finds freedom in just “being herself” – oh the brilliance in this moment!

I will leave you with Idina Menzel’s powerful version of “Let It Go” from the movie when Elsa is coming to this realization & embraces herself as she is, releasing the power of others.
~ enjoy the power of accepting yourself! ~
xo



Oh & how can I forget Olaf! 
He melts my heart, the joys of a pure soul


Have a great week!! 

And a new CRUSH has begun…

“Love is the only thing you can really give in all this world. When you give love, you give everything”
Theodore Dreiser
I hope you enjoyed a wonderful Valentine’s Day!
It was so refreshing to have no expectations that I actually enjoyed my best Valentine’s, 
sharing & receiving love with my friends throughout the day was like a 24 hour hug!

Have you ever heard a word for the first time, or learned about something new and then all of sudden it’s popping up everywhere in conversations, on the radio, in an article?
Coincidence or newfound awareness?

Back in December at a screening for August: Osage County this actor came on the screen & I was struck by his unique look. He reminded me of someone, another actor, a younger version. It totally began to distract me as I racked my brain. Then it hit me – he must be Dennis Quaid’s son, but wait, did Dennis Quaid have a 20-something son? Who acts?
Is it Dennis Quaid? Nooooo, it can’t be…is it?
Well, he kinda looks like him, but more interesting.
I was completely struck by this actor. Every time he was on the screen I couldn’t take my eyes off him! I wouldn’t say he’s handsome in a traditional Hollywood sense, but there was something entrancing about him.
As the credits rolled my eyes were glued to the screen, 
who is this mystery man? I gotta know!
Benedict Cumberbatch
Who?


And just like that, he was everywhere I looked!
(Apparently I’ve been in a bit of a black hole for a while, as he is NOT new to the scene) 
As my friends listed off everywhere I could’ve seen him, many project of which I have seen, I wondered what it was about him now that caught me so off guard & stole my attention.

Cut to this weekend, peacefully enjoying my dating hiatus, I found myself with time to catch up on some movies.
I popped in 12 Years a Slave & there he was again!!!
(was a lil thankful for the temporary distraction).
Definitely a movie worth seeing, but man it’s such a heavy topic matter! My mind was left thinking about the reality of life then & how as a person living in 2014 I can’t quite comprehend their ‘justified’ behavior against another human being just based on their skin color. Its just vicious & to see it breaks you open to the realities.
I sat there for along time after.

 I couldn’t leave my Saturday night ending on that note, I needed something uplifting to balance my mood.
As I surfed my Netflix, there he was again!! 😉
Yep, it was time for Sherlock!
There was bingeing, lots of bingeing.
Followed by some high action detective-ing dreams 
I am officially obsessed with this series. 
The writing – quick, smart
The camera work – pure art
Watson – wry, witty, & c’mon he’s Bilbo!
It’s London
It’s moody, it’s quirky
What’s not to love?!

I only wish there was more.
I must space the remaining episodes out now, as I already fear withdrawals.

Here’s a lil snippet of a recent interview he gave…enjoy! (ahhh the accent, & he’s funny to top it off…swoon)

Time

I seem to keep getting messages about TIME lately.
Maybe it’s because I seem to have a lot of it free lately
or
maybe the Universe is trying to send me a message…

I’ve always been sensitive to feeling the pressure of time.
   I have learned I thrive under a deadline, that rush of racing the clock, 
but I’m also painfully aware when it feels like it’s slipping away. 
You’re gonna laugh, but I used to believe that I was going to die young. 
Now I have no clue where that feeling had come from, but in my teens I felt like my time here was going to be short-lived.
So my master plan was to go to college & study what I loved ~ fashion ~ get in, get out in 2 years & start having an amazing live, squeezing in all the goodness I could before my TIME was up…
Thankfully somewhere in my early 20’s that notion seemed to fade 
& I began to relax a little.
So when reference after reference about time kept popping up over the past couple of weeks, it became apparent I needed to listen.

It started when a friend told me about this movie from a few years back called “Timer”.
The basic plot is you can have a timer that will tell you when you’ll meet your soul mate.
My immediate thought was “nooooooooo, I so would not want to know!”
It’s like looking for your presents before Christmas, knowing takes all the fun & surprise out of it!
But with a quiet Saturday night in, I curled up with my Netflix & got lost in the quest for love.

I quite enjoyed the movie, mostly because it brought up so many questions ~
How would you spend your time while waiting for the clock to tick down?
Would you give a nice guy you met today a chance if your timer said he was still 8 months away?
If you’re given a match date way into the future, do you live it up & enjoy all the men you meet, with no commitment, no strings attached?
Or do you get focused on your career, get all the pieces in place so when love arrives, you’re ready?
What if you’re timer is blank? 
Do you still believe in love? 
Can you find it organically anyways? 
What if you meet your soulmate according to your timer when you’re still so young, do you miss out on a variety dating experiences?

I can see where knowing that your mate exists, or that love will happen, can give some peace & reassurance, even hope, but I wonder at what cost?
What or who else may you miss out on while you count it down? 

I’m curious ~ would you want a timer?

And if maybe not a timer, would you use an app that’ll tell you when you’ll get married?
Yep, it exists!
TIME (as in the magazine) has come up with an app that can tell you roughly when you’ll be walking down that aisle by just accessing your Facebook page.
I know, right?!
I figured I’ve already given access to Tinder find me love from Facebook, 
I might as well get a good laugh & see what they predict.
Right after I clicked the button, I panicked!
What if it said “oops, you missed it, you were supposed to do that 7 years ago” or
“yeah, don’t hold your breath”?
Kinda funny since I’ve never pictured my wedding.
 I never had the ’til death do us part, I do fantasy in my head, so why was an app causing me heart palpitations?
Then it popped up…6 months, 21 days…
Well, I do thrive under deadlines 😉

Just kidding…& even though marriage isn’t my ultimate goal, I did feel a wave of hope & peace roll over me, maybe there is something to knowing, just not knowing the exact date.
What I do know for sure is that a loving man who desires to be in a committed partnership with me awaits & when our time is right our paths will cross.
Until then, I will enjoy this time & not fear its running out 🙂
xo

Welcome to LOVE month

Ahhhh February, how did we get to you so quickly???
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts calling you the Month of Love,
and well since I love love, I can stick with that theme!

Let’s catch up from where I left you last ~ 2nd date time with Mr Manhattan Beach.
To be fair, since we have a sizable amount of distance between us & he came to me on the 1st date, I ventured to his neck of the woods for this round (its not a hard twist of my arm to get me to the beach).
A great thing about dating an entrepreneur is his flexible schedule, so there we were on a Wednesday afternoon grabbing a coffee & taking his lil Yorkie, Hayley, for a walk along the beach…

I love dogs. Grew up with them & truly miss having one in my life right now, so I was excited to get some dog time in. I love how excited they get to see you, even if they don’t really know you, cuz in 5 minutes you’re their new bestie. I love how if they’re in need of some petting & affection they don’t hesitate to ask for it, they just nudge your hand until you give in. I think if we, as humans, were as transparent with our needs life may be a whole lot easier, just sayin…we could learn alot. I love how easily distracted they can get ~ “SQUIRREL!!”. They’re priceless…

It is quite adorable to see the nurturing side of a man come out,
and Mr Manhattan Beach looooooves his Hayley.
She’s cute, I’ll give her that.
But I quickly began to feel like a 3rd wheel on my own date!
All conversation started with asking Hayley’s opinion, followed with that cutesy-wutesy talk usually reserved for infants.
When he started encouraging her to speak, I learned this bitch has opinions! She had lots of yapping to get off her chest.
He swooned.
Again, its sweet to see that men too can have their hearts melted.
But when the excessive kisses started, dog tongues, human lips, open mouths, I KNEW my lips were goin no where near either of their’s!

I’ve loved all the dogs I’ve grown up with ~ Bertha, Tiffany, Barney ~ but always drew the line at the lips…call me a puppy prude.
I’m a petter & a snuggler.

Funnily enough I realized just this morning that my reaction to this is yet another, drum role please…daddy issue.
Our dogs all worked their way into my dad’s heart, where my brother & I could barely crack his tough exterior. When he’d come in the door from work, he’d walk right past us & go straight to the dog with much curiosity about how it’s day was.
Yes, I may have issues being the runner-up for affection, but I think its an issue I’ll keep when comes to me vs pet.

While the date was fun, the scenery gorgeous & the conversation good, I think I learned too much about some areas we differ on to keep going forward.
Chalk this one up to some winter beach fun.

 At this point I’ve decided to hit the “pause” button on my dating life, just temporarily!

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the concept of having “no expectations” in life, with a focus on it in my search for love.

I’ve gotten pretty good about having no expectations while out on the dates, really just being present & going with the date as it unfolds, but its the expectations my “heart” has that’s tripping me up lately.
I find myself disinterested & pulling away after these dates because my heart remembers how it felt after a great 1st date, how it soared after a wonderful 2nd date, how it couldn’t wait for a 3rd…
I mean, how do you tell yourself its never going to feel like it did before? To just drop it & be open to accepting a new version however it feels? 
Hence the “pause” while I ponder this…

And in an effort to save myself, from my “expectation self”, I am on my dating hiatus til after Valentine’s Day – talk about a day filled with expectations!
I mean this is like Christmas for us hopeless romantics!

Valentine’s Day has been one of those holidays for me that has never gone as expected.
I have yet to be kissed on this day
& only once have I had a boyfriend on this holiday (& like a fool thinking we’d share more of them, I went out of town for work – idiot!)
Ever since junior high with my 1st crush on cutie boy Joey, I’ve hoped for something magical to happen on that day ~ a card, a flower, a secret admirer, candy, you name it I’ve dreamt it…and each February 14th would just go on by.

In high school, they’d deliver colored carnations during 7th & 8th period, each color representing various emotions ~ love, like, secret admirer, friendship, etc.  I can remember how anxious I felt when the classroom door would open & in came the flowers. I could always rely on my best friend to send me a blue carnation & I’d send her one too. It always complimented her colorful bunch.

Every year I have continued to tell myself “next year” creating the biggest expectation ever.
So this year, I can be free of these expectations at least, free from the letdown & truly just enjoy the day as any other day 🙂

Even though dates may be not be happening to report back on, I always have thoughts & commentaries on love, so stay tuned!
xo



**I’m a lil obsessed at the moment with this pop-y tune from a few years back, if you’re in the mood to smile & dance it out with me hit play!**

Just when you think you’ve got things handled…

Oh crap!
My dad issues are affecting my dating life!!

I mean I was aware I had some “dad issues” but I I thought I had worked through those in these past few years. And, please don’t get me wrong I love my dad! I think we get along quite well now, but apparently there’s some stuff I gotta look at…sigh

Let me take you back to last week’s date that triggered all this…

I was finally meeting up with the Canadian librarian who I had met on Tinder.
We had been exchanging messages for a couple of weeks over the holidays, as we were both were busy traveling or booked with family in town, so it was finally time to meet up.
Our messages had been light & easy, starting off with the usual asking of the basics. Where we then moved into more witty banter. 
His flirting had an intellect to it that sparked my interest.
I’ve always found an educated man to be sexy. He doesn’t have to know everything about everything but if he’s got a passion & loves to share his knowledge in it – hot!
I was really looking forward to this date.

Pre-date giddiness, feelin pretty
We were meeting up at a small lil neighborhood wine bar he picked, which sounded casual & cozy.
I always love to let my girlie side show & decided to go with a dress & heels.
Always heels!
LA is a city overrun with short men & I gotta know early on how high a heel I can get away with, cuz I ain’t giving them up 😉
One thing I have learned from my Tinder dates, if their pics are mostly waist & up, they will be shorter than me…they have ALL been shorter than me.
(This may be where Tinder falls short since their stats aren’t listed, its kinda a crap shoot)

Sure, yeah, you can make the argument of falling for their personality is more important but if you can’t get attracted while bending down for a kiss, I’m not sure you ever will.

Ok, so yes, he fell into the shorter than me category, but possibly eye level without heels, so not giving up hope yet.

We get our glasses of wine. He’s a white wine guy. I’m a red wine gal.
Maybe we’re the opposites attract type?
We start picking up & elaborating on conversations we had messaged about.
I quickly notice with every comment I make I am corrected.
But he’s backing it up with facts & data, quoting obscure books & references, so kinda hot, right?
Have I mentioned he’s a librarian?
I’m soaking up new information, I’m learning while on a date ~ very cool.
Until it keeps happening, with every topic! Even fashion!
I’m getting triggered, my combative-ness is starting to come out…not pretty Carlie, take a deep breath & hear him out.
I was trying really hard to not shut down mid-date. Yes, I had pretty much written him off as potential at this point, but I might as well enjoy the night, right?
But then I’d hear myself argue something back to him, like I had no control over my mouth!

Managed to survive through the conversations with a couple of glasses of wine & as he walked me to my car, he leaned in for the kiss – either he was on a different date than me or he get turned on by debating where he always wins.
I cringe to admit I kissed him back, seemed a quicker way out & as I pull away he suggests we do this again – seriously????
BUT
he says its up to me to invite him out & plan the evening
(I will leave my rant about gender roles & dating for a future post).
I say ok & quickly hop in my car, figuring I just dodged a 2nd date.

Of course he reaches out a couple of days later via text & I find myself even being combative & snarky in my responses. He does not bring out my best self!

Cut to a couple of days ago & I’m sharing this experience with my therapist
(yes, the therapist thing is happening now)
& in doing his brilliant job of holding the mirror up to me & making me actually look, he shows me how this gentleman’s behavior was triggering my childhood reactions of dealing with my dad – who is always right…
And I reacted exactly how I used to as a child – dammit!
Instead of just listening, I was immediately forming judgements based on my past & writing him off.
Maybe he was anxious & was trying to impress, he suggested, but how would I know that if I’m not giving him a chance.
I cannot keep shutting down if its not how I “expect” it to be.

Sooooooo, I’m giving him a 2nd chance…while I currently feel this is against my better judgement, by Tuesday I will go into this open-minded, if anything for the practice & the experience of staying present

Christopher Reeve said “either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean.”
I’m learning how to swim in the ocean, no more shutting down & playing it safe in the shallow end.

**Other Player’s Update**
Going into the new year I was looking forward to meeting up with a couple of other suitors too, here’s their latest…
The Restauranteur – has been benched due to a hernia, we’ll see if he comes back swinging.
The Second time Around Guy – has also been out of play due to family health issues which took him out of town & between juggling when he’s got his kid’s, I feel we may never get that 2nd date in. We chat, but missing the in-person connection…

In the meantime, I’m just gonna hang my heart out there & go enjoy life!
Have a great week!!
xo


The Year of DATING FEARLESSLY

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Hope your’s is off to a great start!!

Thought I’d share my horoscope for the year ahead, cuz it freakin rocks!
Even though I don’t put much stock in them, I enjoy reading mine every now & again, especially when they say gooooood things – thank you Refinery 29 😉
Illustrated by Emily Forgot


Pisces (February 19-March 20) You are in for one heckuva year, Pisces, so get ready. Romance, possible fertility, and even continued education is on your cards in 2014. Take this time to define your life and call your own shots, instead of letting others dictate your actions. The first half of the year will be exciting, but by July, things will have thankfully died down so you can settle and take it all in. The four eclipses this year will reshape your life in more ways than one from your mindset to the number of stamps on your passport.”

Woot woot!!




Ok, so last month I claimed 2014 as the year I was going to date fearlessly in my search for  love…
What does that mean?????
I’ll be honest my heart is racing a lil & my palms are sweaty as I type this.
When I had this brilliant plan, I hadn’t quite thought through the whole “facing my fears” part, hmmmmmm, on second thought…

Nope, no I’m gonna do it, I’m sticking to the plan!

Step 1 to dating fearlessly, one has to figure out what fear(s) are blocking her progress in the love dept.

For the first time ever in my 39 years , I’ve been actively casually dating, no one specific man has had all my attention & I’ve been enjoying it ~ I will say it is quite fun having such a busy social calendar.
Getting to know different personalities, trying on different like/dislikes, learning about a new restaurant or activity ~ all good!

Throughout my 20’s & most of my 30’s, the concept of dating was lost on me. 
Finding dates seemed impossible, online was hit or miss back then,
flirting? phffftt, what was that?
If I had a date, I was nervous & awkward.
2nd dates were not common.
So I’d just sit back & swoon over the men who weren’t interested, daydreaming of love…
This then lead to the long stretch of throwing myself into my career.

A few years into that & tired of being alone, I decided to make some changes and take a good long look at myself
~ my thoughts, my beliefs, my patterns ~
I was ready, I wanted to find love.
I got me a dating coach & got to work!
Yes, I was that clueless when it came to relationships & needed guidance.

My amazing coach, Marni*, after much work got me back out there dating 
& almost instantly a quality man showed up!
Magic I tell ya, when you’re in the right space!
I had never experienced the fun & the joy of dating until him. The excitement of getting to know someone, reveling in their stories & sharing your’s, the rush of connecting to another soul, letting down of your walls & revealing your true self.
It was the most wonderful feeling.
I finally knew love.

It was amazing how easy it could be ~ why had I struggled so much before?
Why am I struggling again?
Am I struggling now? 

Lately I’ve started going for runs, a slightly shocking activity for me, 
but I’m really enjoying it. I love the feeling of strength & possibility I get while out on my run.
Music pumping, the sun on my face, the freedom in the moment.
So yesterday while doing a lap it hit me, this moment of clarity!
I’m too afraid to let myself be vulnerable again!

vul·ner·a·ble: adj    capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt

I am struggling within myself to let my guard down.
While these dates & men are great, I’m not letting them in…or letting them see the real me.

AM I willing to expose myself & my heart again?
Could I handle the pain again?


I want to say yes! Yes, I’m willing to let go of my fear!
Yes, to being open to the possibility of falling in love again.
But will I let down the safe walls I’m hiding behind?

I’m scared.
(funnily enough I’m willing to be vulnerable here with you, on the page, but in life? Oh boy!)
But I’m willing to try.

So the new goal going forward on these dates ~ share myself!
Be vulnerable!
LET GO!


Keep ya posted after this next round of dates 😉
Wish me luck 
xo

*I wanted to give a shout out to Marni Battista & her program, Dating with Dignity – she’s changed my life & if you’re looking for love I couldn’t recommend her more! I’ve talked about our work together in posts on First Love at 37 if you want more in depth to the story. Thanks Marni!! xo