Category Archives: hopeless romantic

Time

Posted in apps, Facebook, finding my happiness, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Love, Time, Timer, Tinder, Valentine's day, year of dating fearlessly by

I seem to keep getting messages about TIME lately.
Maybe it’s because I seem to have a lot of it free lately
or
maybe the Universe is trying to send me a message…

I’ve always been sensitive to feeling the pressure of time.
   I have learned I thrive under a deadline, that rush of racing the clock, 
but I’m also painfully aware when it feels like it’s slipping away. 
You’re gonna laugh, but I used to believe that I was going to die young. 
Now I have no clue where that feeling had come from, but in my teens I felt like my time here was going to be short-lived.
So my master plan was to go to college & study what I loved ~ fashion ~ get in, get out in 2 years & start having an amazing live, squeezing in all the goodness I could before my TIME was up…
Thankfully somewhere in my early 20’s that notion seemed to fade 
& I began to relax a little.
So when reference after reference about time kept popping up over the past couple of weeks, it became apparent I needed to listen.

It started when a friend told me about this movie from a few years back called “Timer”.
The basic plot is you can have a timer that will tell you when you’ll meet your soul mate.
My immediate thought was “nooooooooo, I so would not want to know!”
It’s like looking for your presents before Christmas, knowing takes all the fun & surprise out of it!
But with a quiet Saturday night in, I curled up with my Netflix & got lost in the quest for love.

I quite enjoyed the movie, mostly because it brought up so many questions ~
How would you spend your time while waiting for the clock to tick down?
Would you give a nice guy you met today a chance if your timer said he was still 8 months away?
If you’re given a match date way into the future, do you live it up & enjoy all the men you meet, with no commitment, no strings attached?
Or do you get focused on your career, get all the pieces in place so when love arrives, you’re ready?
What if you’re timer is blank? 
Do you still believe in love? 
Can you find it organically anyways? 
What if you meet your soulmate according to your timer when you’re still so young, do you miss out on a variety dating experiences?

I can see where knowing that your mate exists, or that love will happen, can give some peace & reassurance, even hope, but I wonder at what cost?
What or who else may you miss out on while you count it down? 

I’m curious ~ would you want a timer?

And if maybe not a timer, would you use an app that’ll tell you when you’ll get married?
Yep, it exists!
TIME (as in the magazine) has come up with an app that can tell you roughly when you’ll be walking down that aisle by just accessing your Facebook page.
I know, right?!
I figured I’ve already given access to Tinder find me love from Facebook, 
I might as well get a good laugh & see what they predict.
Right after I clicked the button, I panicked!
What if it said “oops, you missed it, you were supposed to do that 7 years ago” or
“yeah, don’t hold your breath”?
Kinda funny since I’ve never pictured my wedding.
 I never had the ’til death do us part, I do fantasy in my head, so why was an app causing me heart palpitations?
Then it popped up…6 months, 21 days…
Well, I do thrive under deadlines 😉

Just kidding…& even though marriage isn’t my ultimate goal, I did feel a wave of hope & peace roll over me, maybe there is something to knowing, just not knowing the exact date.
What I do know for sure is that a loving man who desires to be in a committed partnership with me awaits & when our time is right our paths will cross.
Until then, I will enjoy this time & not fear its running out 🙂
xo

Welcome to LOVE month

Posted in dating hiatus, dogs, hopeless romantic, Love, new beginnings, no expectations, Passion Pit, second dates, Sleepyhead, sunsets, Valentine's day, year of dating fearlessly by

Ahhhh February, how did we get to you so quickly???
I’ve been seeing a lot of posts calling you the Month of Love,
and well since I love love, I can stick with that theme!

Let’s catch up from where I left you last ~ 2nd date time with Mr Manhattan Beach.
To be fair, since we have a sizable amount of distance between us & he came to me on the 1st date, I ventured to his neck of the woods for this round (its not a hard twist of my arm to get me to the beach).
A great thing about dating an entrepreneur is his flexible schedule, so there we were on a Wednesday afternoon grabbing a coffee & taking his lil Yorkie, Hayley, for a walk along the beach…

I love dogs. Grew up with them & truly miss having one in my life right now, so I was excited to get some dog time in. I love how excited they get to see you, even if they don’t really know you, cuz in 5 minutes you’re their new bestie. I love how if they’re in need of some petting & affection they don’t hesitate to ask for it, they just nudge your hand until you give in. I think if we, as humans, were as transparent with our needs life may be a whole lot easier, just sayin…we could learn alot. I love how easily distracted they can get ~ “SQUIRREL!!”. They’re priceless…

It is quite adorable to see the nurturing side of a man come out,
and Mr Manhattan Beach looooooves his Hayley.
She’s cute, I’ll give her that.
But I quickly began to feel like a 3rd wheel on my own date!
All conversation started with asking Hayley’s opinion, followed with that cutesy-wutesy talk usually reserved for infants.
When he started encouraging her to speak, I learned this bitch has opinions! She had lots of yapping to get off her chest.
He swooned.
Again, its sweet to see that men too can have their hearts melted.
But when the excessive kisses started, dog tongues, human lips, open mouths, I KNEW my lips were goin no where near either of their’s!

I’ve loved all the dogs I’ve grown up with ~ Bertha, Tiffany, Barney ~ but always drew the line at the lips…call me a puppy prude.
I’m a petter & a snuggler.

Funnily enough I realized just this morning that my reaction to this is yet another, drum role please…daddy issue.
Our dogs all worked their way into my dad’s heart, where my brother & I could barely crack his tough exterior. When he’d come in the door from work, he’d walk right past us & go straight to the dog with much curiosity about how it’s day was.
Yes, I may have issues being the runner-up for affection, but I think its an issue I’ll keep when comes to me vs pet.

While the date was fun, the scenery gorgeous & the conversation good, I think I learned too much about some areas we differ on to keep going forward.
Chalk this one up to some winter beach fun.

 At this point I’ve decided to hit the “pause” button on my dating life, just temporarily!

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the concept of having “no expectations” in life, with a focus on it in my search for love.

I’ve gotten pretty good about having no expectations while out on the dates, really just being present & going with the date as it unfolds, but its the expectations my “heart” has that’s tripping me up lately.
I find myself disinterested & pulling away after these dates because my heart remembers how it felt after a great 1st date, how it soared after a wonderful 2nd date, how it couldn’t wait for a 3rd…
I mean, how do you tell yourself its never going to feel like it did before? To just drop it & be open to accepting a new version however it feels? 
Hence the “pause” while I ponder this…

And in an effort to save myself, from my “expectation self”, I am on my dating hiatus til after Valentine’s Day – talk about a day filled with expectations!
I mean this is like Christmas for us hopeless romantics!

Valentine’s Day has been one of those holidays for me that has never gone as expected.
I have yet to be kissed on this day
& only once have I had a boyfriend on this holiday (& like a fool thinking we’d share more of them, I went out of town for work – idiot!)
Ever since junior high with my 1st crush on cutie boy Joey, I’ve hoped for something magical to happen on that day ~ a card, a flower, a secret admirer, candy, you name it I’ve dreamt it…and each February 14th would just go on by.

In high school, they’d deliver colored carnations during 7th & 8th period, each color representing various emotions ~ love, like, secret admirer, friendship, etc.  I can remember how anxious I felt when the classroom door would open & in came the flowers. I could always rely on my best friend to send me a blue carnation & I’d send her one too. It always complimented her colorful bunch.

Every year I have continued to tell myself “next year” creating the biggest expectation ever.
So this year, I can be free of these expectations at least, free from the letdown & truly just enjoy the day as any other day 🙂

Even though dates may be not be happening to report back on, I always have thoughts & commentaries on love, so stay tuned!
xo



**I’m a lil obsessed at the moment with this pop-y tune from a few years back, if you’re in the mood to smile & dance it out with me hit play!**

Just when you think you’ve got things handled…

Posted in 2014. happy new year, christopher reeve, Dating with Dignity, faith in dating, father issues, Find Love Now, first dates, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, second dates, Tinder, year of dating fearlessly by
Oh crap!
My dad issues are affecting my dating life!!

I mean I was aware I had some “dad issues” but I I thought I had worked through those in these past few years. And, please don’t get me wrong I love my dad! I think we get along quite well now, but apparently there’s some stuff I gotta look at…sigh

Let me take you back to last week’s date that triggered all this…

I was finally meeting up with the Canadian librarian who I had met on Tinder.
We had been exchanging messages for a couple of weeks over the holidays, as we were both were busy traveling or booked with family in town, so it was finally time to meet up.
Our messages had been light & easy, starting off with the usual asking of the basics. Where we then moved into more witty banter. 
His flirting had an intellect to it that sparked my interest.
I’ve always found an educated man to be sexy. He doesn’t have to know everything about everything but if he’s got a passion & loves to share his knowledge in it – hot!
I was really looking forward to this date.

Pre-date giddiness, feelin pretty
We were meeting up at a small lil neighborhood wine bar he picked, which sounded casual & cozy.
I always love to let my girlie side show & decided to go with a dress & heels.
Always heels!
LA is a city overrun with short men & I gotta know early on how high a heel I can get away with, cuz I ain’t giving them up 😉
One thing I have learned from my Tinder dates, if their pics are mostly waist & up, they will be shorter than me…they have ALL been shorter than me.
(This may be where Tinder falls short since their stats aren’t listed, its kinda a crap shoot)

Sure, yeah, you can make the argument of falling for their personality is more important but if you can’t get attracted while bending down for a kiss, I’m not sure you ever will.

Ok, so yes, he fell into the shorter than me category, but possibly eye level without heels, so not giving up hope yet.

We get our glasses of wine. He’s a white wine guy. I’m a red wine gal.
Maybe we’re the opposites attract type?
We start picking up & elaborating on conversations we had messaged about.
I quickly notice with every comment I make I am corrected.
But he’s backing it up with facts & data, quoting obscure books & references, so kinda hot, right?
Have I mentioned he’s a librarian?
I’m soaking up new information, I’m learning while on a date ~ very cool.
Until it keeps happening, with every topic! Even fashion!
I’m getting triggered, my combative-ness is starting to come out…not pretty Carlie, take a deep breath & hear him out.
I was trying really hard to not shut down mid-date. Yes, I had pretty much written him off as potential at this point, but I might as well enjoy the night, right?
But then I’d hear myself argue something back to him, like I had no control over my mouth!

Managed to survive through the conversations with a couple of glasses of wine & as he walked me to my car, he leaned in for the kiss – either he was on a different date than me or he get turned on by debating where he always wins.
I cringe to admit I kissed him back, seemed a quicker way out & as I pull away he suggests we do this again – seriously????
BUT
he says its up to me to invite him out & plan the evening
(I will leave my rant about gender roles & dating for a future post).
I say ok & quickly hop in my car, figuring I just dodged a 2nd date.

Of course he reaches out a couple of days later via text & I find myself even being combative & snarky in my responses. He does not bring out my best self!

Cut to a couple of days ago & I’m sharing this experience with my therapist
(yes, the therapist thing is happening now)
& in doing his brilliant job of holding the mirror up to me & making me actually look, he shows me how this gentleman’s behavior was triggering my childhood reactions of dealing with my dad – who is always right…
And I reacted exactly how I used to as a child – dammit!
Instead of just listening, I was immediately forming judgements based on my past & writing him off.
Maybe he was anxious & was trying to impress, he suggested, but how would I know that if I’m not giving him a chance.
I cannot keep shutting down if its not how I “expect” it to be.

Sooooooo, I’m giving him a 2nd chance…while I currently feel this is against my better judgement, by Tuesday I will go into this open-minded, if anything for the practice & the experience of staying present

Christopher Reeve said “either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean.”
I’m learning how to swim in the ocean, no more shutting down & playing it safe in the shallow end.

**Other Player’s Update**
Going into the new year I was looking forward to meeting up with a couple of other suitors too, here’s their latest…
The Restauranteur – has been benched due to a hernia, we’ll see if he comes back swinging.
The Second time Around Guy – has also been out of play due to family health issues which took him out of town & between juggling when he’s got his kid’s, I feel we may never get that 2nd date in. We chat, but missing the in-person connection…

In the meantime, I’m just gonna hang my heart out there & go enjoy life!
Have a great week!!
xo


The Year of DATING FEARLESSLY

Posted in 2014. happy new year, Dating with Dignity, Find Love Now, First Love at 37, happiness, hopeless romantic, Love, Marni Battista, online dating, vulnerable, year of dating fearlessly by
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!
Hope your’s is off to a great start!!

Thought I’d share my horoscope for the year ahead, cuz it freakin rocks!
Even though I don’t put much stock in them, I enjoy reading mine every now & again, especially when they say gooooood things – thank you Refinery 29 😉
Illustrated by Emily Forgot


“Pisces (February 19-March 20) You are in for one heckuva year, Pisces, so get ready. Romance, possible fertility, and even continued education is on your cards in 2014. Take this time to define your life and call your own shots, instead of letting others dictate your actions. The first half of the year will be exciting, but by July, things will have thankfully died down so you can settle and take it all in. The four eclipses this year will reshape your life in more ways than one from your mindset to the number of stamps on your passport.”

Woot woot!!




Ok, so last month I claimed 2014 as the year I was going to date fearlessly in my search for  love…
What does that mean?????
I’ll be honest my heart is racing a lil & my palms are sweaty as I type this.
When I had this brilliant plan, I hadn’t quite thought through the whole “facing my fears” part, hmmmmmm, on second thought…

Nope, no I’m gonna do it, I’m sticking to the plan!

Step 1 to dating fearlessly, one has to figure out what fear(s) are blocking her progress in the love dept.

For the first time ever in my 39 years , I’ve been actively casually dating, no one specific man has had all my attention & I’ve been enjoying it ~ I will say it is quite fun having such a busy social calendar.
Getting to know different personalities, trying on different like/dislikes, learning about a new restaurant or activity ~ all good!

Throughout my 20’s & most of my 30’s, the concept of dating was lost on me. 
Finding dates seemed impossible, online was hit or miss back then,
flirting? phffftt, what was that?
If I had a date, I was nervous & awkward.
2nd dates were not common.
So I’d just sit back & swoon over the men who weren’t interested, daydreaming of love…
This then lead to the long stretch of throwing myself into my career.

A few years into that & tired of being alone, I decided to make some changes and take a good long look at myself
~ my thoughts, my beliefs, my patterns ~
I was ready, I wanted to find love.
I got me a dating coach & got to work!
Yes, I was that clueless when it came to relationships & needed guidance.

My amazing coach, Marni*, after much work got me back out there dating 
& almost instantly a quality man showed up!
Magic I tell ya, when you’re in the right space!
I had never experienced the fun & the joy of dating until him. The excitement of getting to know someone, reveling in their stories & sharing your’s, the rush of connecting to another soul, letting down of your walls & revealing your true self.
It was the most wonderful feeling.
I finally knew love.

It was amazing how easy it could be ~ why had I struggled so much before?
Why am I struggling again?
Am I struggling now? 

Lately I’ve started going for runs, a slightly shocking activity for me, 
but I’m really enjoying it. I love the feeling of strength & possibility I get while out on my run.
Music pumping, the sun on my face, the freedom in the moment.
So yesterday while doing a lap it hit me, this moment of clarity!
I’m too afraid to let myself be vulnerable again!

vul·ner·a·ble: adj    capable of being physically or emotionally wounded or hurt

I am struggling within myself to let my guard down.
While these dates & men are great, I’m not letting them in…or letting them see the real me.

AM I willing to expose myself & my heart again?
Could I handle the pain again?


I want to say yes! Yes, I’m willing to let go of my fear!
Yes, to being open to the possibility of falling in love again.
But will I let down the safe walls I’m hiding behind?

I’m scared.
(funnily enough I’m willing to be vulnerable here with you, on the page, but in life? Oh boy!)
But I’m willing to try.

So the new goal going forward on these dates ~ share myself!
Be vulnerable!
LET GO!


Keep ya posted after this next round of dates 😉
Wish me luck 
xo

*I wanted to give a shout out to Marni Battista & her program, Dating with Dignity – she’s changed my life & if you’re looking for love I couldn’t recommend her more! I’ve talked about our work together in posts on First Love at 37 if you want more in depth to the story. Thanks Marni!! xo

Self-discoveries…

Posted in 1st dates, 2013, eharmony, faith in dating, finding my happiness, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Katrina & the Waves, Love, Tinder by

Ok, time to give you some updates!
And boy, its been a while ~ life just got going & I hopped on for the ride!
Figured I’d live in the moment, feel it, breathe it & digest it 
before I began rambling on about it…

So the latest batch of gentlemen callers come courtesy of eHarmony.
The jury is still out on their “scientific” matching system, 
but I’m a sucker for all their happy couple photos & believed that, I too, could become 
one half of those sticky sweet smiling couples.
(it’s funny too because I can realize how styled these ads are, hell I should work on these ads dressing the couples, 
but I STILL love to believe this is how bright & sunny they are in life)

Now there’s many, many rounds of “communication” on this site.
1st ~ 5 multiple choice questions to answer
Next up, is your list of like & dislikes in a mate
Thirdly, a round of answering 3 questions chosen by perspective date
&
Finally, if you pass all rounds, you can actually email each other!

I will admit to getting a lil lazy in rounds #1-3 (I know, that’s horrible!)
But I’ve found my solid stock questions I want answers to, so I ping-pong the steps right back to them…
I’ve found that the men tend to give the shortest answer possible when it comes to the type your own response portion (shocking, right?!)
So I find myself just wanting to get through all the hoopla & get out on the date in person to see if they can really communicate.

Which is exactly why I wonder about this “matching” system! 
How scientific can it really be?
And if I’m not paying attention to all the steps in detail, maybe I should hop on a less detail-orientated site???
A friend, who’s having success, has recommended I check out Tinder…
Trusted readers ~ have any of you tried it? I need references besides his.
He compares it to “seeing someone across the room at a party that you find attractive” & this gives you a way to let them know.
I call BS on that &  think it just feeds to men’s visual nature w/o wanting to delve deeper.
But in all honesty too, I’m HORRIBLE meeting strangers at a party I’m attracted too, I get all tongue tied & twisted. I lose my words & come off as shy or snobbish,
either way my 1st impressions may not get me far…

Woah, got way sidetracked there…but as you probably have gathered by now my eHarmony matches have not quite been made in heaven.
Let’s summarize…

First we met the British guy. 
He was tall. Wore glasses (such a sucker for a guy in glasses). Had an accent!
Designed cars for Hot Wheels, figured he’s got a creative side, which is very cool.
First date was lovely. Rooftop dinner downtown. City lights. Cocktails. Pretty good conversation once I could sense him relaxing.
Drinks lead to going for coffee, which was not the best plan.
I was exhausted & should’ve called the date done instead of going for coffee, but I didn’t.

*Self-discovery #1 – listen to your gut, its knows whats right for you, stop being so damn polite!

So, we coffee’d as I tried to keep my eyes open & stay interested in the conversation, but I was a lost cause.
An awkward hug at the parking garage & off we went our separate ways.

The drive home & into the next day I was very melancholy, couldn’t shake the blahs. 
I sensed it had to do with the date, but he was “good on paper” so maybe I was just tired from a hectic week?
He sent some nice texts, shared pics of his afternoon adventure – it made me warm to him a lil more. 

As schedules would have it, he was out of town & I had an event, so it took a couple of weeks to re-connect.
But during that time he kept sharing pics from his trip & staying in touch, which was nice to have someone to chat throughout the day with again here & there.
Turned out he was a phone guy & wanted to talk in evenings.

*Self re-discovery #2 – I am NOT a phone person! If we’re gonna chat, I want it to be on a couch, face to face, esp at the beginning!

You know what, I’m gonna cut this one short ~ dates 2 & 3 again were quite lovely.
He was good a planning cool dates, if only I enjoyed being on them with him.
The melancholy set in after each meet up & I had to admit there was nothing there, listen to your gut when it keeps saying the same thing.

The latest eHarmony connection was been quite fun.
Mid-week 1st date ~ tequila tasting.
Came to my side of town (points!)
Easy conversation. Fun & Funny.
Kissing like teenagers on the street for an hour.
I had a feeling he was going to be my “fun , in the meantime guy”

Spontaneous 2nd date ~ I broke the “Rules” & accepted a dinner date on Sat nite with only a couple of hours notice (*gasp*)
Since I already put him in the FUN category, I figured why stay home on a Sat nite trying to teach him how to respect my time?
I wanted to hang out & he was game – why not?
A fun night!

3rd date ~ relaxing night in with wine.
In conversation & joking he declares he’s not boyfriend material.
Oh, yeah I know. You’ve been in fling category since 2nd date. 
The fun continues.

The next day I can’t shake this blah feeling again.
What is it?
Was it the wine? Is it him? 
I have fun when I’m with him.
It was like I had a heart hangover!

*Self-discovery #3 – you can’t trick yourself in to being ok with a fling when you desire to be in a relationship

We never connected in between our dates ~ no texts, no calls, no “hey, just thinking of ya”
Funny thing was I had no desire to reach out to him either in between seeing him.
I craved the connection, but not with him.
Was the need he was filling enough? Or did I have to get real with myself?

We hung out again. And I got my answer.

In getting real with myself, I learned its easy to revert back to old habits & patterns. 
I could easily slip back into non-commital, non-defined dating ways, but when I used to do that my heart didn’t hurt because I kept it hidden behind many walls.
I’ve worked hard to break down those walls 
& when I allowed myself to feel 
& to fall 
& to be vulnerable, 
I felt the most alive & the most loved.
I felt like each day I was walking on sunshine.
I want to feel that again!
So I have to honor my heart & hold the faith…

Til then, its time to dance!
xo

Itching for some hand holdin…

Posted in faith in dating, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Love, online dating, partnership, StoryCorps by

Well, hello again! 
Life has kept me on my toes lately, a go, go goin…but as I’m winding down the
weekend & enjoying my peaceful Sunday afternoon I thought I’d share 
the latest musings going through my head…

First, I have to say, I have been craving a hand to hold on to!
Its one of those innocent yet intimate moments that I’ve been missing lately.
I get a sense of security, of nurture, of support when my hand is held ~
I guess, all feelings that I’m needing fulfilled with life’s chaos these past couple of weeks.
Really looking forward to some serious hand holding one of these days!!

A friend & I were talking the other day and she asked me WHAT exactly am I looking for in a relationship?
Grand romantic gestures? Commitment levels – marriage? Long term?
What’s it look like to me?
Of course this got me thinking, as it was hard to put in to words at that moment.

I think we’re all pretty aware by now that I’m a hopeless romantic, but when I thought more about it, its not the big romantic gestures that make me swoon, its the thoughtful notes or texts, just saying “hi, thinking of you”.

I like the idea of pure partnership.
I know it won’t always be sunshine & rainbows, 
but I love the idea of knowing someone is there for me & I for him.
A relationship where we each love the other for who they are, for their quirks & all, and we’re free to be exactly who we are.
Having a trust in one another that neither of us is going anywhere anytime soon if some bumps arise.
Knowing that someone is there to cheer along side you when life is groovin & to hug you when its throwing tomatoes at you…
So, yep Universe that’s what I’m looking for 🙂

I was introduced to StoryCorps a couple of years ago while listening to the radio & immediately was hooked!
Hearing people tell their stories is just amazing ~ when you take the time to stop & listen, tune out the noise & just experience their stories along with them, it is so rewarding and fascinating!
This is really what life is about ~ connecting & loving others.

Enjoy this animated story clip from Danny & Annie Perasa ~
I can only hope to find the love & partnership like they share…
they’re a real life version of “UP” 🙂
Have a great week ahead!!
xo

Day by day, date by date…

Posted in 1st dates, eharmony, finding my happiness, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Love, new beginnings, okcupid, online dating, smile, trusting your gut by

Well, the last time we chatted I was on the debate of taking some time off from dating, 
yet somehow my actions weren’t quite matching my words…
With a lot of long hours on set & down time between set-ups, I found myself checking out profile after profile.
And even thought my heart wasn’t in it, I was going through the motions, 
pretty much on auto-pilot.
Tired of being alone, I guess I wanted to feel like I was “taking action”, 
not just sitting by waiting for life to happen, for love to cross my path by pure luck, but yet I was numb as I scrolled from one to the next.

Knowing I wasn’t quite enjoying the process, a fellow single girlfriend on set joined my search & thought she’d find him for me ~ why not? Outside opinions could be great, right?  Maybe she’ll see the diamond in the rough.
We got on a clicking flurry, which could easily go so many ways ~ from good, to bad, to ugly ~especially since they can see when you’ve visited their profile…

Well, I got a live one!
Sent me message like he was answering a question (which I hadn’t asked) & in my “eh” state, I answered…mistake #1.
Responding to his 3rd message, (after ignoring message #2), at midnight on a Friday night while sitting on set AND giving him my #…mistake #2.
Responding to his 7am text & 10 am follow-up voice mail…mistake #3
Who knows why I was shocked when he kept texting even after I said I was busy & would call later… silly me.
But the kicker was when he asked for me to send him a photo for his phone ~
& we hadn’t even spoke to each other yet!!!!
Oh, & he was sure to send me one. His aggressiveness & eagerness rendered him very unattractive in my book.
Now, I’ve been told by some that it is completely normal to ask for pics (really?, I mean really?)
Men are visual…they want to be sure you’re profile pics are true…whatever the excuse, I was CREEPED out!!
Went with my gut, cancelled our date for the next day & wished him well…

Things HAD to change! 
So, I deleted my okcupid account & headed towards the greener pastures of the “scientific matching system” of eharmony.
Kinda going with the rationale that if they’re willing to pay for a subscription, they must be ready for a real relationship, and if anything else it’s a new audience.
We’ll see…
The last time I tried eharmony, a lil over 2 years ago, they told me they had no matches for me & to try back later.
And while yes, I appreciated their honesty & not taking my money for nothing, 
it did sting a bit to hear there was nobody for me.
But its 2 years later…
I’m a new woman…I’m hopeful!

And quality matches have been coming in – phew!! 
I think my meat eating tendencies deterred the Vegan. 
The Science Professor & I had very little to talk about.
But thankfully the matching game continues…

And to keep things fresh, friends have been sending potential mates my way too.
Who knows you better & wants to see you happy more than your friends, right?

The 1st fix-up was fun. A great guy.
Made me laugh. Found him very attractive.
But,
he wasn’t looking for a relationship. 
Likes his life how it is.
I admire that awareness & candidness up front.

The 2nd friend intro/re-connection is quite a cool guy.
Had a blast chatting the night away with him 
& look forward to getting to know him more! 🙂
(*I’ll be honest I’m nervous writing about him, as he could read this & I haven’t mentioned my blog to him yet. I like being able to open up about my thoughts & feelings and will have to figure out how to do this if he’s going to read)

On another exciting fun note, I’ve been invited to be a “practice date” this weekend 
for a group of men who are working on their dating skills.
I love it!
I cannot wait to be practiced on, hear what they’ve been taught, & get their insights ~ I think it will be a pretty insightful night, to say the least!! 😉

I guess its been a busy coupla weeks now that I look back on it,
the good mojo is starting to flow again & I have some really good feelings about what’s coming!!
Til next time, xo

God Bless Pie

Posted in 1st dates, dating, faith in dating, Find Love Now, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, how bout we, Keats, Liz Lemon, Love, new beginnings, okcupid, online dating, summer love, summer of yes by
Ahhhhh, a new week has begun, what adventures lie ahead???

I will say, it is off to a great start!!
I know I’m always telling you stories as I look for love, but I’ve gotta share this high I’m on tonight ~
Earlier today I had some big decisions to make with my upcoming collection for Ch*Armz, of course the creative side of the decision process was fun (I love that part!) but when it came down to all the other stuff, I was spinning out in my head.
I did not want to freeze & over-think, but yet I’ve gotta think it through…how much is too much when it comes to thinking?
My gut knew I was on the right path, I just needed to keep reminding my feet to take one step, then another. It was time for action instead of analyzation.
And I did, I took action!
I sit here with a living room full of fabric I adore & now I’m looking at the next step.
Today showed me I do have faith in myself & in my abilities.

I am giddy at the thought of the next few months as I challenge myself to step outside of my fears & believe in me!
My “safe” life is great, but I have dreams for it to be bigger & I can make it bigger!

And of course this pertains to love too!!
I’m working on pushing through my fears of getting hurt & being vulnerable again, believing I’m enough & lovable, but it’s not always easy…

Take for instance, Guy #4.
I should’ve known when he booked the date & said “let’s do early on Friday (7p) before we get our night’s started”.
I hate to say it, but he was my Friday night. 
It may be the romantic in me, but even if we say we’re just meeting for drinks, I like to keep the evening open to the possibility of anything, we may hit it off, decide to have dinner, talk for hours, who knows…end up at the beach with our toes in the sand.
OR home 45 minutes later with a box salad & Liz Lemon.

We met at Golden Road Brewery, which is a great casual spot, if you’re a beer drinker, which he is not. Odd choice of venue. He ordered wine.
They have the communal dining experience, so our 1st date was joined 2 other couples & a family of 3, nice & intimate 😉
Once we got our drinks & squeezed ourselves into a table, the stand-up routine began.
I thought he was a producer/sax player/movie critic, now we’re adding comedian to the mix?
Oh boy!
Oh & he’s also a baker, which may have been what lured me on the date to be honest 😉

So, we get to talking about baked goods & here comes the schtick.
He’s talking about the “Republic of Pies” somewhere in the Valley, 
my interest is piqued, what’s on the menu, where is it, etc…& he gets rolling with its more of a “dictatorship of pies”, no wait its an “oligarchy of pies”…is it, is it an oligarchy? he asks….& PULLS OUT HIS PHONE, gotta Google this…yep, yep its an”Oligarchy of Pies”
He’s cracking himself up. I wince, fake chuckle & gulp my beer. 

And in a blink of an eye our mini date was done, he had dinner plans.
Points for at least paying for my drink, but they were quickly lost as he couldn’t even walk me 3 cars past his to mine.
I like when they make it clear as day that you’d never like to see them again.
Next…

I will say I’m glad Guys 1-4 have gotten me back out there; they’ve introduced me to some great restaurants, lounges & cuisine.
They have also shown me I need to tune back in to what type of partner I’m looking for & not be so eager to just get to the date.
I want the dates to be fun & be something I look forward to…
I look forward to the endless conversations, the holding hands, the laughing & the sharing as we get to know each other…

I’m diving back in the sea to find my fish.
Guaranteed more stories to follow 😉

In the meantime, I’m curling up with some love letters & great stories.
In a recent trip to Ojai with Mom, we came across this amazing outdoor book store, Bart’s Books.
We got lost in there for hours. Mom in reflexology. Me in great love stories of the past.   

 I found an interesting biography of JFK & Jackie’s love & life together that I couldn’t resist getting, I want behind the story of Camelot. Plus its an old hard cover book, just like good ole library days. It feels so weird to turn actual pages! I love it!

And as I dug through stacks of books, I was drawn to Keats & his love letters to Fanny Brawne…awww the beauty of words!

Look at that gaze!

13 October, 1819

“…My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit to my love now….Your note came in just here. I cannot be happier away from you. ‘Tis richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threaten me in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion – I have shudder’d at it. I shudder no more – I could be martyr’d for my Religion – Love is my religion – I could die for that. I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet. You have ravish’d me away by a Power I cannot resist; and yet I could resist til I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often ‘to reason against the reason of my Love.’ I can do no more – the pain would be too great. I cannot breathe without you.
                                                                                                                  Yours for ever
                                                                                                                        John Keats

And on that note…
xo

Mid-week musings

Posted in 30 Rock, dating, faith in dating, Find Love Now, first dates, hopeless romantic, how bout we, Liz Lemon, okcupid, online dating, summer of yes by




Alrighty, I’m a month into the Summer of YES, thought I’d check in & give y’all a lil update.
I will say that saying “yes” keeps one’s calendar quite full!
Between friends, family, travel, OkCupid & How bout we?, life has been one activity to the next.

My month on How bout we? is up & here’s what I’ve learned from this dating site:
~While the site’s intent is to get you offline quicker & out dating, it’s like pulling teeth to get the men to actually ask you out, still lots of emails pinging back & forth…boring, let’s meet up!
~ Men love the “Intrigued” button…c’mon, man up & actually start a conversation!
~ Men love to put wildly creative 1st dates up, which is quite a fantastic insight to their personality, but has yet to have been the actual 1st date.
~ Women put realistic dates like “let’s go for coffee or a drink” 
(which has been what the 1st dates have actually been at the man’s suggestion funnily enough)
~ Silly screen names are abundant
~ Like most other sites, some conversations just fade away, never to be heard from again
~ Men in their late 50’s still think they’ve got it
(I am & will always be impressed with men’s confidence levels)

While it was fun, I’m logging out of How bout we? for now. 
Heading back to work & figuring time will be limited, I might as well hang out with my good ole freebie pal, OkCupid 😉

Round up of dates from the past month: 3 guys, 7 dates
Guy #1 (OkC), oh you also know him as Chandler Bing, popped back in so unexpectedly that I found myself saying yes before I realized who I was talking to ~ but I said YES!
For our 2nd date, we were gonna hit a story slam that I wanted to go to, but I tend to forget that we live in a city of millions, so if I hear of an event chances are pretty good that at least 2-3 million also heard about it, so with a line weaving around the block, we did not get in…which really was too bad since we’d now be forced to talk over dinner. 
The food was amazing (love finding a new good Mexican food spot!) & with 2 margaritas in me I was fine to let him ramble on about doing background work (mind you, I thought he was an asst. director).
I think we all know there’s no more to this story…

Guy #2 (How bout we), caught my attention by pointing out 2 of my likes ~ he wears glasses & enjoys movies.
He recently turned 50, kinda my cap on the older man range, but thought I’d be open to it since we seemed to have similar values & interests. 
First date was fun, good conversation, & he’d picked a cool spot to meet up ~ all encouraging things.
2nd date ~ the eyeglasses stayed on the table the whole time, learned about all the diet restrictions to help lose the few lbs that have crept up since the 5-0, couldn’t really answer why his marriage ended, & kept the date going for about an hour & half too long. 
Bad date topics started coming up as we searched for conversation, learned alot during that segment of the date 😉
Wanted to try again for some silly reason & accepted Date #3.
Beautiful restaurant, very romantic, delicious food.
Wished the entire time I was there with someone else.
Things were said, true colors shown & it was confirmed we’re not a match.

Guy #3 (How bout we), took about 20 emails to get him to set up a date, which he did by emailing over his # & saying text me in the morning to make plans…ah such the gentleman.
I’ll admit that set the tone of very low expectations on my part. 
So when I texted him & he suggested a thai restaurant, I was pleasantly surprised & said yes.
Then I realized he never said a time to meet or sent over the address, a link, nothing.
Being self sufficient, I yelp’ed it, got the address & saw that it was closed.
Dilemma – share this info or let him learn the hard way? 
I figured I’d see if he’d ever set a time & catch this bit of info himself, & if I hadn’t heard from him as I left my earlier party, I might mention it via text.
Hours later I get the text saying its closed & scrambling to find a new spot, all while I’m at the party he knows I’m at & he keeps texting! (One thing I hate doing is being on my phone when out with friends, so rude!).
Picks a bar in the middle for both of us, which ends up being Silverlake.
Obnoxiously loud music & waaaaaay too hipster-y for me.
He’s a director. Most of the date he was very LA douche-y, name dropping, etc. 
Turned human when he talked about his boys.
But when conversation ran out mid-way, he grabbed my head & pulled me in & started kissing me.
Now it had been a while & I was really really missing kissing, so I gave in, to try him on.
The thing is when you do that, then realize you don’t want to be kissing him, it gets really awkward as he keeps trying for the rest of the date…
**GUYS – if you’re gonna kiss on the 1st date, wait til the end, let it build! Better yet, leave her wanting you & don’t kiss til the 2nd date** 
Felt way too violated to give him another chance.

In my 20’s I used to kiss all sorts of guys, but now I really want to be attracted to them as a person first. 
I love kissing, I do. I miss it, but making out just for the “sake of kissing” isn’t all that fun anymore. 

Oh, I almost forgot about Guy #4 (OkC), I’m meeting him for drinks on Friday.
His profile sounds great, he bakes delicious goodies ~ of course “yes” let’s meet up.
He’s a producer of entertainment news & so far our phone chats have been more interview style, but for now I’m writing it off to work-mode…we’ll see…


Now I don’t take these seriously, but I saw this week’s horoscope & could help wishing for a lil truth in it…
I think you & I both know the answer though after the above re-cap 😉
Pisces (February 20-March 20)

Paddleboarding, anyone? The Leo sun lights up your sixth house of health for the next month, calling forth the wellness warrior in you. Last week you sneered at a friend’s tireless green smoothie Instagrams, this week, you’re firing up the blender and asking her for tips on making kale. Romantic Venus cruises into your commitment zone from Monday through August 15 sprinkling serious relationship fairy dust all over your love life. Time to have The Talk, Pisces. 


I’ve been re-marathoning with 30 Rock lately & enjoying the beauty of Liz Lemon. 
She is unapologetically herself & everything out of her mouth makes me laugh!

The hopeless romantic in me is still clinging to the idea of magical first dates, getting lost in each other where the world around you disappears, falling passionately in love…but with the current date situations & Liz saying quotes like these, it makes me kinda wonder…maybe I do “just want to start a relationship 12 years in”…



Lemon out ~
xo







Had me a blast…

Posted in finding my happiness, First Love at 37, Grease, Hollywood Bowl, hopeless romantic, Love, summer dresses, summer loving, summer of yes, swing dancing by
Last night I had an epiphany!
I was at the Hollywood Bowl with a girlfriend for the “Grease Sing-a-long” 
when I realized Grease totally molded my outlook on love & relationships!!

I’ve always dreamed of magical summers at the beach, playing in the water, walking along the sand, watching beautiful sunsets.
Having that connection where you’re the only 2 beings that exist in the world, 
everything else fading to the background.

I know, I know its only a movie, 
but these emotions, these experiences could be real, right?
We could break into song at anytime, right?

 Ahhhh the 50’s ~ going for milkshakes, holding hands, nights at the drive-in, sock hops with a guy who’s got moves!

Today’s version I dream of ~ still milkshakes, holding hands, outdoor screenings & dancing the night away with a man who knows how to twirl me 🙂

It really hasn’t changed all that much (at least for me)

 I realized it also totally explained my attraction to “bad boys” too! Oh, those T-birds were sexy!!
I spent a good part of my 20’s chasing rock-a-billy boys & drooling over their fitted & cuffed dark jeans, tight white t-shirts & leather jackets.
But you know what I learned:
~ their attitude ain’t worth it in the end
~ they’re really not original
~ they never grow up

Fun to look at, but I want a real man now!

 If they were to have a reunion, I’d probably be chasing Eugene, the class nerd!

Even down to my style has found its influence from this movie, of course I tend to lean towards the sweet Sandy. I love full skirts & soft dresses, colorful & girly. I feel my most feminine & myself when I’m in a dress.
I used to get upset when people would always describe me as “sweet”, I mean what is that? Goody two shoes-y? Sappy? Nice?







Who knows….but now I comfortably own my “sweetness” 🙂
Momma always said, “you do get more with sugar than salt” 












Wella wop bomb a loo bop, a wop bam boom!!
Here’s to SUMMER LOVIN!!!
xo