Category Archives: First Love at 37

Hello

Posted in dating, dating hiatus, Facebook, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Los Angeles, Love, relationships by

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Wow, I can’t believe it’s been over a year since I’ve posted anything! It’s amazing how fast the days go by lately. I would’ve sworn to myself that I posted something earlier this year, but it must have just been the rough drafts that I create in my head & they didn’t actually make it out on to the page…sometimes there’s a lot rattling around up there. Makes me wonder what else I’ve forgotten to say or do that I thought I already had done this year, hmmmmm…oh well, time will tell. For now, I’m back now to share more tales.

I’ll be honest about my disappearing act. I was beginning to censor myself & that’s one thing I don’t really want to do in my writing. I pride myself in my honesty & transparency on the page, so when that wasn’t happening I got quiet. I realized while being open with my life, the sharing of my words could affect others & I wanted to be conscious of that so I took some time to figure it out.

So here’s the truth ~ I broke one of my cardinal rules.  I became Facebook friends with a man, who was a potential romantic interest. I choose to break this rule as it was the mode of “introduction” from a mutual friend, who bless her heart, thought we may be a match. I will admit it was helpful in nosing around a lil to get an idea of who he was, but it also burst the bubble of intrigue that comes with each date as you solve more mysteries about who they are & I found myself already seeing why we wouldn’t work out. But nevermind that as I didn’t let it stop me from meeting up with him. I went in being open-minded with no expectations. At our 1st “not really a date” social interaction, I had a pretty good time (but how could I not at a whiskey tasting where there was 15 men to every gal?!). So I graciously accepted his invite for an actual date the following week (there was definitely more mystery to this one beyond his fb page).

When that date arrived, I was greeted with the information that he too had being doing his Facebook re-con & mentioned how much he enjoyed reading my blog. That thought had never occurred to me! That he’d actually read my posts. I felt strangely exposed, virtually naked sitting there at the restaurant table. I generally try to follow the dating etiquette of never talking about my ex, or past dating disasters, but there he sat knowing it all. I had also figured he might bring a bit of material to the page, but as you know, it promptly shut me up knowing he’d read it.

I know that everything I write I should be able to say it as if that person was right next to me, but sometimes in the early stages of dating & you’re unsure of what you’re feeling, & it helps to process it with friends, or journaling, or blogging (or all of the above) without involving their feelings until you’re sure of your’s…does that make sense?

Long story short, we’re still Facebook friends. We only managed to get 2 dates in before busy schedules & dwindling interest did us in. I’m sure if he reads this, he’d agree too, that we weren’t destined to be. Lesson learned ~ stick to your original rules, they’re there for a good reason!

Seeing as it has been over a year, I do have quite a handful of stories to tell you, but I’d like to share something that’s been bothering me since last weekend.

For the long holiday weekend, I decided to escape away to a cabin in Big Bear, all by myself. It’d be an easy two hour getaway from Los Angeles that feels like a whole other world, exactly what I was looking for.  All I wanted to do this Thanksgiving was cozy up next to a fire & escape into a good book, in solitude, surrounded by nature. I have always dreamed of romantic weekend getaways up there, but had yet to visit, so I decided to stop dreaming & just make it happen ~ solo.

I got the car all packed up. Wine – check, cozy blankets – check, books (mystery adventure – check, witty autobiography – check), snacks – check, & enough yummy sweaters to keep me warm all winter – check, new Adele album downloaded for obnoxious car singalong – check.  I was excited to hit the road. Quality Me time here I come!

I felt so free on the open road (well, after an hour+ of gridlock on the 210 freeway, weren’t people supposed to gathering around a turkey by now?!). Starting over the mountain pass, I couldn’t resist opening the windows for the crisp fresh air. Ahhhhh so good! I hit the crest & as I started down in to the valley side, there it was – snow! Yes! Proof of an actual season, of weather in Southern California. This Colorado girl couldn’t resist, I had to pull over in the turnout & soak up the view as the flakes fell. This trip was off to a great start.

Then I did something I never expected myself to do. When I got to the lodge to check-in, they asked me “how many keys would you like? Two?” “Yeah, 2 would be great, thanks”. What? Why on earth would I need 2 keys? Was I planning on losing one? Did I need a backup? Was I gonna slip one to a handsome gentleman while out on the town? NO. No, none of this was true. The only truth was was that I was embarrassed all of a sudden to admit I was a Party of One. Why was I so concerned about being judged for my singular status? I punched my own self in the gut.

I left the lobby hoping they wouldn’t notice that there was no one else in the car waiting for me. The silly girl with 2 keys. I drove around & found my adorable little cabin on the lake and promptly forgot my single woes. My home for the next few days was glorious ~ the perfect log cabin, rustic mountain-y decor, complete with fireplace. The dream getaway was coming true.

I decided to explore the town a bit and find some dinner before it got too late. If you can’t have turkey, why not order some Thai! With the snow continuing to fall, I wanted to warm my soul, so I ordered a bowl of soup & an entree. As I sat and waited for my order, I watched families scurrying by outside looking for warm places to duck in to. Tables were filled inside the restaurant  with boisterous groups enjoying each other’s company. As the waitress was packing up my order, she asked about utensils “For two?” she innocently asked. I paused, nodded & said yes. YES? Really again? To be fair, I’m not sure if it was my inner fat-girl, or lonely girl responding, afraid of being shamed…either way, I did it to myself AGAIN!

I am a very independent person. I am used to doing many things on my own, it’s not like this is new to me, so why was I having difficulty today owning who I am?

Once nestled back in my cabin, with the fire roaring, I felt happier than I had in a very long time. I knew this weekend was exactly what I’d been needing. The rest of the weekend was beautiful. I woke to a quiet snow covered town, spent the days exploring the Village and nature around the Lake, sipped hot drinks & went to the annual Christmas tree lighting ~ I felt like a local & I loved it.

Yet, it was still nagging at my gut. Why was I ashamed to admit to being solo? What does it matter what a stranger thinks? It dawned on me while I drove home, I’m the one judging myself. I’m ashamed that I haven’t found someone to share my adventures with. I’m ashamed my dream of a family isn’t a reality yet. When asked if I’m married or have kids, I always smile & make some hopeful remark, but truthfully I’m shaming myself on the inside. This weekend brought it to the surface & its time I start accepting the wonderful life I do have. Its good to have dreams & maybe someday they’ll come true, but what is right now is pretty darn awesome.

 

Gone Boy Crazy

Posted in apps, coffee dates, dating, faith in dating, first dates, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Love, new beginnings, Tinder, year of dating fearlessly by
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Pretty can be prickly

 

I don’t know if it’s the warmer temps, the unstructured days, or the fact I’ve gotten actual sleep, but I’ve gone doggone boy crazy! I see handsome men everywhere I go. I’m smiling & giggling (to myself) like a silly lil school girl, I can’t help it!  I’ve even noticed getting more help in the grocery store from the attentive stock boys & extra shots of espresso from the handsome baristas…a girl could get used to this.

There’s a lot of change swirling about in my life these days (all good) & I think its shook off some of the dust that has settled in over these past couple of years.  With these past two weeks free from work, my social calendar  has kicked up a few notches & I owe you stories featuring a handful of suitors…BUT I cannot wait to share this story, so pardon me while I skip ahead to yesterday’s whirlwind romance…

It all started a coupla weeks ago while playing the game of Tinder.  I swiped right. He swiped right.

And within minutes a message from him. “Oh, a live one” I thought…I’ve found on my recent return back to the dating app, that while the matches may be plenty, the man who actually makes the initial move is a rare breed.  And as a lady who likes her men to take the lead, I always engage with those bold enough to muster the first “hi”.

This one, ooooh let’s call him Mr. Tenacious (Mr. T), sends his hello, quickly followed up with an invite to go shoot pool in NoHo right then.  I look at the clock, it’s 11:30 pm on a Sunday. Sure, I’m not doing anything besides swiping my evening away, but I wonder ~ does he really mean ‘let’s go shoot some pool’ or is that some euphemism for sex these days (balls, sticks, holes…I don’t know??)  I end up ignoring the invite, pretty much wanting to nip the late night impromptu suggestions in the bud.

I know from his profile he’s a road manager for rock bands, so its safe to assume he’s a night owl.  The next morning I wake to find a message flashing in my inbox. It was Mr. T apologizing. He hadn’t realized the time when he messaged & wanted to wish me a good day.  Ok, so maybe he is a cool guy who’s body clock is off & who better to understand that than this gal, fresh off of 2 months of night work.

I decide to give him a chance & we message back & forth lil notes, nothing earth shattering, over the next couple of days until he hits the road with work for a week.  Cut to this week, guess who’s back from Cleveland? You got it!

The ‘dip the toe in’ messages began ~ “good morning”, “good evening”, nothing of substance. I quickly tire of this & having to log-in to the app to converse, so I send him my phone number…sometimes you win with this, sometimes you wish you had a 2nd line for your potential suitors.  The giving of the numbers occurred about 10am yesterday. By noon he called, no voice message, but was followed by a text to say he had called…gotcha! He asked “you working now?”

I was in the middle of a project & responded a couple of hours later & sillily mentioned my work got pushed by a couple of days. Ten minutes pass. My phone rings, its him. I answer. “Lattes. You. Me. Now”

Ummmmm…hmmmmmm latte with a fly by the seat of your pants type of guy or laundry at the laundromat on a hot afternoon??? This hopeful romantic, caffeine-addict said yes.

Turns our Mr. T does not have a car (in LA?!) but thankfully takes responsibility for getting himself places like a responsible adult (unlike another recent gentleman caller).  We decide to keep it local for him, which worked well for an errand I needed to run too, so killing two birds with one latte…we opted for convenience & picked Starbucks for our coffee date. We had our cross streets & we each began to head that direction.

Turns out there’s 3 Starbucks in that general area, shocking I know! Being on top of it, he sent over the address, a map, and general directions ~ thorough? chivalrous? obsessive compulsive? or in desperate need of his caffeine fix? I’d learn soon enough.  I thought it’d be a funny “meet cute” that we’d both be at different locations, both technically correct, we’d bicker bout who’s right over the phone as we walked to meet in the middle, lattes in hand, our eyes lock mid-block & we just know…ha! Ok, cut the background music, back to reality we come.

My 1st stop ended up running a lil long & he landed across the street. He texts that he’s secured me a meter on the side street & will see me there. Two things ~

  1. There’s a giant free parking lot in the back, which always has available spots
  2. If he doesn’t have a car, how is he securing the spot? Sitting in it?

I can only chuckle, shrug my shoulders & go in search of my gallant parking knight.  I arrive to stories of fighting off a BMW, a Lexus & an angry mini-van mom. He paid the meter, he owns that space!  He makes me laugh.

Earlier while en route to the date, he texted asking my sign & if I had ever dated a Gemini?  Apparently they still ask ‘hey baby, what’s your sign?’  No previous Gemini beaus I tell him…can’t wait to see where this conversation is headed.  Right off the bat once we get in line to order drinks, he dives in with Gemini traits ~ they’re enthusiastic (check) & they know what they like (a triple shot, 6 pumps vanilla wet cappuccino). Not 5 pumps, not 7, precisely 6.  Once we get outside, he follows it up with “Geminis are great lovers too”.  Oh boy, we’ve got a ‘live one’ is right!

Conversation ping-pongs around all over the place, no single thought is finished. I try to keep up. He’s fun & quite possibly crazy…another Gemini trait?

He was getting hot & sweating quite a bit, so I suggest going into the a/c but he thought it’d be much more fun to stroll the boulevard, window shop & chat. Um,ok.

A couple of blocks in I was regretting my lack of sunscreen & poor choice of shoes, usually cute sandals are safe for a coffee date.  We thankfully tuck into some shade & I get the Instagram tour of his life on the road. It looks pretty awesome. He does get to see some pretty great places, but he’s gone most of the year.  Back out in the beating sun, he grabs my coffee & puts it in my other hand while sliding his sweaty palm into mine. Oh, oh, oh…c’mon…  I suggest turning back once we’ve passed all the shops, sensing he could just wander for hours.

On the return stroll he asks multiple times what I’m doing tomorrow, the next day & the next. He’s starting to plan for our next date ~ driving around to see movie locations around town from our favorite movies (kind of a cool date idea). He had downloaded an app earlier in the date that gave all the info. Of course I joke about how are we going to get to all these locations. “Well, you’d be driving, of course” he says straight-faced. Silly me.

He makes his intentions very clear he wants to see me 2-3 times before he hits the road next week, yet I feel we’ve learned absolutely nothing about each other during this date to warrant more. Then he starts eluding to his extra airline vouchers he needs to use & maybe we could make good use of those…we’ll see.

I’m so overwhelmed.  I am not a future-izer! At this point I’m just walking along sipping whats left of my iced coffee, wide eyed & listening to him go.  Thankfully I had already established early on that I had to leave to pick up my friend at the airport, & oh lookie, its that time.

He walked me to my car, gave me an enthusiastic hug, lingered, then dove in for another hug, lips beelining for mine. I try the cheek dive, but he outsmarts me, man he’s fast!  I get in my car and laugh, what a random Monday afternoon. Dating is funny.

I’m not even two blocks away & the texts begin

  • Had a great time
  • Looking forward to our adventures
  • 😉
  • You can follow me on Facebook
  • Here’s my Instagram name
  • Here’s my Twitter

Invoking the ‘safe driver’ clause, I did not respond then, figuring I’d follow up later.  After a long catch up session over dinner with my friend, I texted him to say thanks for the afternoon fun & that I had made it with perfect timing to the airport.  Whoops, that was waking the beast. Sometimes I never know when to leave good enough alone. I gotta go & “be polite”, then things get weird.  He calls in response to my text, again it’s later in the night (what was I thinking?).  He’s talking low & sexy, says its so he won’t disturb his roommate.  Its awkward.  I don’t even remember what we talked about. We hang up.

A minute later he texts ~ “Can I be direct with you?”  Well, I figure this could go any which way, seeing as I have no clue what just happened on the phone. I’m curious, so I say “sure”.  This is the text I get back: (sorry mom) “Iam so f*****g hard right now & want to have sex with you for hours. Zero drama. Just amazing sex”.  Yep, that’s direct.  I’m all fired up as I read it. The Universe has been playing with me lately, testing me with setting my boundaries, which I fail to do early on, so I pounced on this opportunity & set him straight.

And again, in response, the Gemini in him is just a sensual being, he practices tantra, it’ll be amazing…blah, blah, blah. Ok so he’s not listening to me, best to just shut up, Thus ending the whirlwind romance with Mr. T in my book.

He kept on texting about the map he was creating for our next date. He was even gung-ho & chipper with texts this morning.  I think we loved enough in the span of 24 hours to last us a lifetime ~ thank you Mr. T.

A New Year has Begun…

Posted in 2014. happy new year, believer, dating, Find Love Now, First Love at 37, happiness, hopeless romantic, Uncategorized by
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My view on my birthday morning along the Santa Barbara pier. The Sun returned after days of glorious rains, the bright blue sky went on for miles & the ocean breeze filled my lungs. Couldn’t have felt more alive!

Its a lil crazy to think that I’m 40. I oddly haven’t had any trouble swallowing the actual number this year, but it still feels kind of abstract. I can remember as a child when my parents hit their 40’s & I couldn’t imagine being that old & yet now I feel so young.

I’m very excited for this new chapter. There’s been a lot of change swirling about & I can’t wait to see what unfolds! Seems to be lots of goodness…

Since it’s a new year, and the last blog title didn’t fit anymore, I figured it was time to jazz up the new blog, get a new host, a new title & a new style ~ a fresh start for 40!

Twirling Skirts is about enjoying life, being in the moment ~ if you feel like ‘twirling’, then twirl! For me, this year is a year of embracing who I am, without worry of the judgement of others. Come along on the ride as I continue my search for love & discover me in the process

To start this off ~ here’s my TOP 40 for 40

  1. Wear RED lipstick
  2. Star gaze (at actual stars in the sky)
  3. Smile at strangers
  4. Take a wine class
  5. Less pants, more dresses
  6. Be open to possibilities
  7. Visit Portland
  8. Laugh daily
  9. Dance in the rain (probably possible while doing #7)
  10. See ART, in any form, each month
  11. Put my toes in the sand more often
  12. Write more
  13. Enjoy nature, go for more hikes
  14. Let miracles happen
  15. Picnic with friends
  16. Dance!
  17. Read a book a month
  18. Make time for doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
  19. Send out pretty cards for no reason other than I’m thinking of you
  20. Enjoy good chocolate
  21. Hug more often
  22. Talk more, text less
  23. Date fearlessly
  24. Take a cooking class
  25. Get out on a boat, its been way too long!
  26. Keep my body in motion
  27. Share
  28. See more live music
  29. Try learning French (again)
  30. Believe in love
  31. Have faith in God’s plan for me
  32. Enjoy being in my ‘feminine’
  33. Get out of the country, again its been way too long
  34. Trust
  35. Kiss passionately
  36. State my needs
  37. Adopt/rescue a dog
  38. Attend a retreat (yoga, writing, anything) somewhere tranquil
  39. Hold hands
  40. Enjoy delicious things, guilt-free

Let the adventures begin!!  xo

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Gorgeous blooms out on my hotel patio. Everything felt so clean & fresh after the storm. If even for one night, I had the dream ~ being able to be outdoors while at “home”

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Everywhere I walked I saw beauty!

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Just brilliant! Art, wine, music…all within block of each other. My kind of hiking!

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One of the stops on my ‘trek’, a converted tire shop with the most delicious wines, cool tunes, along with beautiful photos and art on their walls ~ Oreana Winery is a fave

                   

Who do you picture me with?

Posted in Coffee meets Bagel, Facebook, First Love at 37, friend fix-ups, hopeless romantic, Love, Marriage Bootcamp, year of dating fearlessly by

I always enjoy when friends offer to introduce me to someone 
they think would be ‘perfect’ for me. I feel it comes with a seal of approval & I will always say “yes, please” if you offer 😉
And here’s why:
One: If you’re my friend, I inherently trust you.
Two: You know me better than most others, & definitely better than a computer algorithm does (hopefully).
Three: You’re looking out for both parties interests, so likelihood of disaster is slimmer than usual.
Four: I love ya for thinking of me & joining the cause 🙂

A fun pastime lately has been finding out what ‘type’ of guy you see me with, because it has proven to be vastly different than the men I’ve been seeing.
Its turned into a fun game to pass over my phone & let my gals do a lil shopping for me on my various dating sites. I love to see who y’all would pick for me.
General consensus seems to be an arty guy, usually dark hair, most choose a hip looking guy, stylish, with a long list of interests.
And I get it, I’ve clicked on, winked, and messaged those guys too…usually feeling they’re a bit out of my league, but what the hell it doesn’t hurt to try, right? 
We could possibly hit it off, right? 
But the thing is I don’t enjoy silence & this is what I’ve gotten from this type. They don’t find me to be their type either…
So I re-calibrated.

When then presented with the current options I’m in conversation with, my friends have given mixed reactions, a lot of hmmmm’s & huh’s, 
but then they start to warm up to them…kinda how I have.
My main ‘draw me in’ feature is kind eyes, I believe a good soul lies behind kind eyes.
I have faith in this.

A friend called recently to say she met a great match for me who lived in my neighborhood, would I be interested?
Yes, please!
(Even though I’ve been on a break from actively pursuing dates online, I figured this warranted coming off the bench & getting back in the game).
She email intro’d us & there it was – his FULL name!
To Google I went! I must learn more about this mystery man!
Since I knew nothing about him there was no way to narrow down which picture was him, what profile on LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter, you name it-site, was his…so I surrendered & figured I’d learn all about him old-school style, actually from HIM!
But by going in blindly I didn’t know where we stood on the ‘kind eyes’ front…
He emailed me quickly after the intro, short & sweet, dipping a toe in.
I waited a lil bit (not wanting to seem too eager), I tossed out a few questions 
and the banter began.
With each email little nuggets arrived helping to form a picture in my head. I started to look forward to his responses. There were definitely interests he had that were drastically opposite to my lifestyle, but I thought ‘hey, be open! He could show you a whole new fun world’.  So I kept going forward, my friend saw something in him that I might like too. Dating fearlessly! Although I did begin to question his extensive use of emoji’s & LOL’s, was he a 16 year old girl? Nah, he can’t be, I rationalized, my friend wouldn’t play a mean joke like that, would she? Nahhhhh…
After a few days the phone number exchange happened, this is it people, voice-on-voice contact is now a possibility!
Ok, so no voice…text…(16 year old girl? Nahhhhh?). It was early on a Saturday morning, so I ruled out the 16yo girl possibility again.
I responded. Nothing.
A few hours go by. Nothing.
Early afternoon he texts back. He passed out & was just waking up.
My phone beeped again.
His photo appeared.
Oh no. Oh my, no.
A shirtless selfie with bad euro-trash sunglasses – where are your eyes?
Show me your eyes!!!
He was not my type – former or current!

I highly highly doubted I’d be his type too, but just to cinch it I searched for the sweetest, most innocent pic of myself & sent it off, the whole time chanting “please don’t like me, please don’t like me…!!!!”
A funny twist since I was always the girl ‘hoping & hoping’ any guy would like me, and  please love me. Nope, not now. 
I just don’t have the energy to go on another bad date & find a polite way to say “we’re not a match”. 

I never heard back from him 🙂

~~~~~~~~~~~

I got a recommendation last week from my amazing hair gal about a new dating app
& I figured I might as well stay off the bench and continue playing.
Its called “Coffee meets Bagel”
Don’t ask me why.
So each day at noon they send you your daily ‘bagel’. You only get one a day.
And like Tinder, it pulls from your Facebook account.
You only get 24 hours to decide if you ‘like’ him or want to ‘pass’ on him.
With each sequential bagel, you matches will improve as the app deciphers your likes/dislikes.
We’ll see…I’m a week in & only one bagel was worth biting in to.


~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last thought…

Today I spent the day on the set shooting promos for the WeTV series “Marriage Bootcamp”.
I really did not know what to expect from these reality stars, but I fell a lil in love with each of them! 
I saw the love and partnership between each couple that I aspire to experience with my man. They would not have been there unless they had hit a rough patch in their relationship, and from the what I witnessed today those hard times helped create a closeness & bond you cannot share with just anybody.
Every couple’s dynamic was different ~ this is what I observed from the sidelines…
One couple protected each other, they supported each other’s strengths without feeling threatened and spoke up for who ‘they’ were. They were not going to misrepresent their relationship & I admired their integrity to each other and their commitment. Another couple brought out the best in each other & knew when to let the other shine. I witnessed strong personalities sharing space equally. I saw insecurities being calmed. I saw warmth. I saw kind eyes. I saw passion. I saw love.
I fought off tears watching one couple & their connection. 
I am so very tired of being alone & I ache to experience what I saw between them.

I left inspired having seen love alive & in action.

The Modernization of Disney

Posted in Disney, faith in dating, First Love at 37, Frozen, hopeless romantic, Love, Princes, Princess Syndrome, Princesses, year of dating fearlessly by

Beautiful version, right?
A friend shared this gorgeous video last week & it reminded me of a post I meant to write a few weeks ago after I saw Disney’s latest movie, Frozen.
(can’t believe I completely forgot to write it, I guess it was meant to come now)

Have you seen it?
If you haven’t, #1 – why? and
#2 If you plan to, STOP READING! **Spoiler Alerts possible**

I’m sure I’ve probably talked about this before because I’m a product of the, as I like to call it, Disney ‘Princess Syndrome’, so bear with me…
As little girl’s we grew up with these classic  fairy tales of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty & Snow White, versions of princesses being found or rescued by their “princes”, experiencing a “true love’s kiss” & living happily ever after…um, yeah thanks Walt, you kinda messed with a generation of girl’s minds who now as adults, know these are just tales but still dream of experiencing one or two of those magical moments.
(I also do think our shoe obsession began with the glass slipper, think about it…)

God bless Disney for catching up with today times & even poking fun at themselves in Frozen! This movie adds elements into their storyline that is much more relevant with today’s thoughts, from strong women in power to Disney’s 1st gay family.
Huge fantastic leaps forward!

By far my favorite updated element is everyone’s reaction to Anna’s foolish engagement to the prince she’s only just met. There’s swooning, there’s dancing, there’s duet-ing & finishing each other’s sandwiches ~ all classic Disney moves that I began to fall for, like Pavlov’s dog, but thank goodness they created smart, real characters to look out for Anna!
“You can’t marry a man you just met” ~ “Elsa”
“Who marries a man they met?” ~ Kristoff
Thank you reality check!

I absolutely adore Anna’s plucky character & she sticks to her guns, she loves him, she’ll defend her hearts wishes, but what’s even better is that she is not blind & doesn’t just accept, she fights, she questions, she’s a modern girl!
And its ok to be wrong about your “love” & to move on, such a great message to young girl’s today.

My 2nd favorite element to this movie is Elsa’s self-empowerment.
After fleeing Arendelle once her powers are revealed, Elsa actually discovers the beauty within herself & that that is all that matters. She finds freedom in just “being herself” – oh the brilliance in this moment!

I will leave you with Idina Menzel’s powerful version of “Let It Go” from the movie when Elsa is coming to this realization & embraces herself as she is, releasing the power of others.
~ enjoy the power of accepting yourself! ~
xo



Oh & how can I forget Olaf! 
He melts my heart, the joys of a pure soul


Have a great week!! 

And a new CRUSH has begun…

Posted in Benedict Cumberbatch, crush, dating hiatus, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Love, Sherlock, Valentine's day, year of dating fearlessly by

“Love is the only thing you can really give in all this world. When you give love, you give everything”
~ Theodore Dreiser
I hope you enjoyed a wonderful Valentine’s Day!
It was so refreshing to have no expectations that I actually enjoyed my best Valentine’s, 
sharing & receiving love with my friends throughout the day was like a 24 hour hug!

Have you ever heard a word for the first time, or learned about something new and then all of sudden it’s popping up everywhere in conversations, on the radio, in an article?
Coincidence or newfound awareness?

Back in December at a screening for August: Osage County this actor came on the screen & I was struck by his unique look. He reminded me of someone, another actor, a younger version. It totally began to distract me as I racked my brain. Then it hit me – he must be Dennis Quaid’s son, but wait, did Dennis Quaid have a 20-something son? Who acts?
Is it Dennis Quaid? Nooooo, it can’t be…is it?
Well, he kinda looks like him, but more interesting.
I was completely struck by this actor. Every time he was on the screen I couldn’t take my eyes off him! I wouldn’t say he’s handsome in a traditional Hollywood sense, but there was something entrancing about him.
As the credits rolled my eyes were glued to the screen, 
who is this mystery man? I gotta know!
Benedict Cumberbatch
Who?


And just like that, he was everywhere I looked!
(Apparently I’ve been in a bit of a black hole for a while, as he is NOT new to the scene) 
As my friends listed off everywhere I could’ve seen him, many project of which I have seen, I wondered what it was about him now that caught me so off guard & stole my attention.

Cut to this weekend, peacefully enjoying my dating hiatus, I found myself with time to catch up on some movies.
I popped in 12 Years a Slave & there he was again!!!
(was a lil thankful for the temporary distraction).
Definitely a movie worth seeing, but man it’s such a heavy topic matter! My mind was left thinking about the reality of life then & how as a person living in 2014 I can’t quite comprehend their ‘justified’ behavior against another human being just based on their skin color. Its just vicious & to see it breaks you open to the realities.
I sat there for along time after.

 I couldn’t leave my Saturday night ending on that note, I needed something uplifting to balance my mood.
As I surfed my Netflix, there he was again!! 😉
Yep, it was time for Sherlock!
There was bingeing, lots of bingeing.
Followed by some high action detective-ing dreams 
I am officially obsessed with this series. 
The writing – quick, smart
The camera work – pure art
Watson – wry, witty, & c’mon he’s Bilbo!
It’s London
It’s moody, it’s quirky
What’s not to love?!

I only wish there was more.
I must space the remaining episodes out now, as I already fear withdrawals.

Here’s a lil snippet of a recent interview he gave…enjoy! (ahhh the accent, & he’s funny to top it off…swoon)

Happy Valentine’s day

Posted in First Love at 37, Happy Valentine's Day, Love, StoryCorps, Valentine's day, year of dating fearlessly by
Fall in LOVE Fridays 
on LOVE’s most celebrated day

Here’s an inspiring love story ~
you never know who they are, where they’re from, or when they’ll come into your life, 
but when they do you I wish you the openness to fall madly in love 

I first heard their story in a great collection of LOVE stories from Storycorps, worth checking out if you’re a fan of true life tales from the heart like me 😉
With love, have a great day!
xo

Time

Posted in apps, Facebook, finding my happiness, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Love, Time, Timer, Tinder, Valentine's day, year of dating fearlessly by

I seem to keep getting messages about TIME lately.
Maybe it’s because I seem to have a lot of it free lately
or
maybe the Universe is trying to send me a message…

I’ve always been sensitive to feeling the pressure of time.
   I have learned I thrive under a deadline, that rush of racing the clock, 
but I’m also painfully aware when it feels like it’s slipping away. 
You’re gonna laugh, but I used to believe that I was going to die young. 
Now I have no clue where that feeling had come from, but in my teens I felt like my time here was going to be short-lived.
So my master plan was to go to college & study what I loved ~ fashion ~ get in, get out in 2 years & start having an amazing live, squeezing in all the goodness I could before my TIME was up…
Thankfully somewhere in my early 20’s that notion seemed to fade 
& I began to relax a little.
So when reference after reference about time kept popping up over the past couple of weeks, it became apparent I needed to listen.

It started when a friend told me about this movie from a few years back called “Timer”.
The basic plot is you can have a timer that will tell you when you’ll meet your soul mate.
My immediate thought was “nooooooooo, I so would not want to know!”
It’s like looking for your presents before Christmas, knowing takes all the fun & surprise out of it!
But with a quiet Saturday night in, I curled up with my Netflix & got lost in the quest for love.

I quite enjoyed the movie, mostly because it brought up so many questions ~
How would you spend your time while waiting for the clock to tick down?
Would you give a nice guy you met today a chance if your timer said he was still 8 months away?
If you’re given a match date way into the future, do you live it up & enjoy all the men you meet, with no commitment, no strings attached?
Or do you get focused on your career, get all the pieces in place so when love arrives, you’re ready?
What if you’re timer is blank? 
Do you still believe in love? 
Can you find it organically anyways? 
What if you meet your soulmate according to your timer when you’re still so young, do you miss out on a variety dating experiences?

I can see where knowing that your mate exists, or that love will happen, can give some peace & reassurance, even hope, but I wonder at what cost?
What or who else may you miss out on while you count it down? 

I’m curious ~ would you want a timer?

And if maybe not a timer, would you use an app that’ll tell you when you’ll get married?
Yep, it exists!
TIME (as in the magazine) has come up with an app that can tell you roughly when you’ll be walking down that aisle by just accessing your Facebook page.
I know, right?!
I figured I’ve already given access to Tinder find me love from Facebook, 
I might as well get a good laugh & see what they predict.
Right after I clicked the button, I panicked!
What if it said “oops, you missed it, you were supposed to do that 7 years ago” or
“yeah, don’t hold your breath”?
Kinda funny since I’ve never pictured my wedding.
 I never had the ’til death do us part, I do fantasy in my head, so why was an app causing me heart palpitations?
Then it popped up…6 months, 21 days…
Well, I do thrive under deadlines 😉

Just kidding…& even though marriage isn’t my ultimate goal, I did feel a wave of hope & peace roll over me, maybe there is something to knowing, just not knowing the exact date.
What I do know for sure is that a loving man who desires to be in a committed partnership with me awaits & when our time is right our paths will cross.
Until then, I will enjoy this time & not fear its running out 🙂
xo

The Weekly Date Roundup!

Posted in 1st dates, eharmony, Find Love Now, First Love at 37, Love, Marni Battista, second dates, Tinder, vulnerable, year of dating fearlessly by
Ok, I’ve got a lil confession to make ~
I stayed in the shallow end for another week.

On the Tuesday morning of the scheduled 2nd date with the Librarian I woke with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The first thoughts one has when they wake up should not be dread for the upcoming evening’s date.
Which in turn caused me to argue with myself about not “being open”, closing off, yada yada ~ you can imagine this delightful conversation while still laying in bed, geez I mean what a way to start the day off…
And of course I couldn’t just drop it, I kept chattering to myself about it all morning.
Do I trust my gut?
Is my gut just acting like a silly lil girl?
If I’m feeling this way, is it even possible go into the date “open” to anything positive?
If I cancel, am I letting myself down?
How will I ever learn if I avoid experiences?
Am I avoiding?

This could go on & on, but I’ll spare you & just say
I cancelled the date.

I felt better physically after that,
but mentally I just felt safe (& not in a good way).
I was thankful for a busy week/weekend of ahead of work & time with friends that I could just throw myself in to…

Then while at a conference my perspective shifted.
I was busy still being right about how I handled the situation as told my tale to the ladies on Friday evening, but by some point Saturday afternoon I knew I needed to return his call & accept the 2nd 2nd date offer.
We had a fun, flirty conversation over the phone & set up for drinks on Monday.
I was open & excited.

Its hard to pinpoint exactly what caused the shift, but I knew if he directly asked 
why I didn’t feel we were a match, my answer would only reflect my 
fears of being vulnerable, not valid reasons.
It is the Year of Dating Fearlessly, time to walk the talk!

I am currently living in a new space of freedom as I am not employed full time on a tv series. Sure this brings up a lil anxiety financially, but it has also opened up an amazing window to live my life balanced & do things I enjoy!
So while the prior week was a mix of work & play, this last week was a week of play, which all focused around multiple dates & living creatively.
Totally awesome!

Monday night was the Canadian Librarian’s turn again & I was ready.

 I felt open to the adventure of getting to know him this time. We met for drinks at the Roosevelt Hotel, which has such a great old-Hollywood ambience. 
Yes we still debated & argued pretty much over every topic, but it was kinda fun. He is quite smart.

Due to a car issue of his, our date was in his neighborhood, which I didn’t mind since he chose a cool locale. Oh & by the way I got him to man up & actually plan the date instead of him putting it on me 😉

Since I was enjoying his company this round, when he suggested a night cap at his place, I figured why not, it seemed a lil early to cut the date short.
You’d think I’d be dating savvy enough to expect what he had in mind & I did, but I was amazed at how quick the moves happened! Damn!
Well, I’ll just say I got more practice in setting my boundaries.
I never blame a guy for trying, it in their DNA.
But by gosh, if it’s one thing I’ll rock at by the end in the dating game, it will be stating my needs & setting my boundaries!
Practice on!

3rd date is pending, as he’s out of town for the next week…
So while the cat’s away, this mouse is playing.

Date #2 for the week was a 1st date with a Cop from eHarmony.
Wasn’t sure how I felt about dating a cop cop, but his profile seemed interesting, pics were handsome, tall(!) & get this, lived only a block from me – that NEVER happens in LA!
He seemed to be a very “to the point” type of guy, not much for chatter about frivolous things, so I wasn’t sure what to expect connection-wise…
Staying open.
The plan was to meet at the Americana, a local open air mall with a ton of options, which was good since I didn’t know if it was dinner? Drinks? Coffee? A stroll?
Our meeting spot was to be at the large fountain in the center.
He had let me know he was already there, and as I get to the fountain, I’m looking around, all I see are families & couples, 
not a single man in sight.
Then I get this feeling I’m being watched.
I spin around, am I blind? I know he’s here…then I see a lone figure in the shadows along the wall of the Apple store – is that him? I can tell that person sees me looking at him, but I get no acknowledgment. I keep scanning the crowd, but move his direction, really hoping this wasn’t my date.
It was. In full stakeout mode.

I had visions of the Det. Stabler-style detective from Law & Order: SVU & I ended up with Sipowicz from NYPD Blue, minus the mustache.

I will never understand using old, inaccurate photos, it helps neither party involved.
Ok, so off to an awkward start from the get-go. We make a lap around the mall, with no plan forming. I’ll admit to expecting a cop to be the take charge type of guy, but I was wrong.
After one loop, we found ourselves at the corner facing a new restaurant, who’s signage is quite illegible, so I was commenting on that & wondered if he had been there or knew of it, trying to guide us somewhere.
We cross over, the menu seemed good, cool vibe but he wasn’t showing an interest.
He did finally suggest dinner if I was hungry & offered up the Indian restaurant next store.
There’s an Indian restaurant next door?
Apparently…in the basement.
Down the stairs we went to the completely empty, sparsely decorated Indian restaurant.
As we were the only customers there, we did get impeccable service & lucky for us we were in time for the early bird specials, so he ordered us a beer – to share!
Dinner was uneventful. 
I noticed early on he wasn’t ever making direct eye contact, so I started making it a game – he actually looked me in the eyes only 4 times!
He asked a lot about my experience with eHarmony. Then the past relationship questions came up.
Here is where I have to work on owning my limited relationship experience past. 
I need to devise a good response that that doesn’t leave me defending 
the “what’s wrong with you?” question. 
So I haven’t had a ton of long-term relationships, maybe that’s a good thing! 
Stop asking me why. 

We walked back to the Americana post-dinner & found seats by the fountain, where he then states “how stupid are the people who watch this, its just water, so lame”.
I LOVE THE DANCING WATER FOUNTAIN!!!
Its mesmerizing, its magical, its dancing freakin-water  – its beauty found in the most ordinary thing combined with the emotion of music – how can you not love it?
Thankfully he was “fading”, looked at his watch & at 7:48pm on a Friday night, we called time of death.

Date #3 sprung up kinda quickly.

Thursday evening while letting a girlfriend play Cyrano with my Tinder app, she reached out to Beach Guy.
Friday he & I are chatting. 
Turns out he’s from Manhattan Beach, but is passing through my area Saturday afternoon, so a coffee meet & greet it is.
Perfect lil squeeze in before my date that evening.
High energy, very talkative.
We both admit to the distance as an issue but are willing to give it a shot one more time, see if there’s anything…
why not, right? Fearless!
Date night this Wednesday…

Ahhhhh Date #4, the one I’ve been looking forward to happening, finally materialized –  Mr Second Time Around made a second appearance!
Funny thing about women, or well at least me, I don’t quite pick up where we left off if it’s been over a month. We had a lot of chemistry on our 1st date,
 but as the weeks went by I kinda forgot what it felt like. Its gotta be built back up.
So, when his texts were all sexual & he wanted to start the date at my place where we left off last, I knew more boundary practice was coming, sigh…

Traffic was looking bad between our places, which according to him was due to the Ducks-Kings game at Dodger Stadium. 
I wondered how gullible he thought I was, hockey at a baseball field??? 
Um yeah, turns out he was right…but of course I didn’t believe him until I saw for myself. 
Once he arrived I was quickly reminded of our chemistry. A breather needed to be taken, so to cool off  we decided to go grab some beers at the local brewery & watch the game

It was a fun date. I really enjoy hanging out with him, but I think that was probably it.
Between his boys & work, I get the impression a relationship falls low on the priority list…too bad, but I can’t settle for crumbs…

I’m a lil exhausted from a power week of dating. 
All nice guys. Any matches? We’ll see…
xoxo