Gone Boy Crazy

photo 2

Pretty can be prickly

 

I don’t know if it’s the warmer temps, the unstructured days, or the fact I’ve gotten actual sleep, but I’ve gone doggone boy crazy! I see handsome men everywhere I go. I’m smiling & giggling (to myself) like a silly lil school girl, I can’t help it!  I’ve even noticed getting more help in the grocery store from the attentive stock boys & extra shots of espresso from the handsome baristas…a girl could get used to this.

There’s a lot of change swirling about in my life these days (all good) & I think its shook off some of the dust that has settled in over these past couple of years.  With these past two weeks free from work, my social calendar  has kicked up a few notches & I owe you stories featuring a handful of suitors…BUT I cannot wait to share this story, so pardon me while I skip ahead to yesterday’s whirlwind romance…

It all started a coupla weeks ago while playing the game of Tinder.  I swiped right. He swiped right.

And within minutes a message from him. “Oh, a live one” I thought…I’ve found on my recent return back to the dating app, that while the matches may be plenty, the man who actually makes the initial move is a rare breed.  And as a lady who likes her men to take the lead, I always engage with those bold enough to muster the first “hi”.

This one, ooooh let’s call him Mr. Tenacious (Mr. T), sends his hello, quickly followed up with an invite to go shoot pool in NoHo right then.  I look at the clock, it’s 11:30 pm on a Sunday. Sure, I’m not doing anything besides swiping my evening away, but I wonder ~ does he really mean ‘let’s go shoot some pool’ or is that some euphemism for sex these days (balls, sticks, holes…I don’t know??)  I end up ignoring the invite, pretty much wanting to nip the late night impromptu suggestions in the bud.

I know from his profile he’s a road manager for rock bands, so its safe to assume he’s a night owl.  The next morning I wake to find a message flashing in my inbox. It was Mr. T apologizing. He hadn’t realized the time when he messaged & wanted to wish me a good day.  Ok, so maybe he is a cool guy who’s body clock is off & who better to understand that than this gal, fresh off of 2 months of night work.

I decide to give him a chance & we message back & forth lil notes, nothing earth shattering, over the next couple of days until he hits the road with work for a week.  Cut to this week, guess who’s back from Cleveland? You got it!

The ‘dip the toe in’ messages began ~ “good morning”, “good evening”, nothing of substance. I quickly tire of this & having to log-in to the app to converse, so I send him my phone number…sometimes you win with this, sometimes you wish you had a 2nd line for your potential suitors.  The giving of the numbers occurred about 10am yesterday. By noon he called, no voice message, but was followed by a text to say he had called…gotcha! He asked “you working now?”

I was in the middle of a project & responded a couple of hours later & sillily mentioned my work got pushed by a couple of days. Ten minutes pass. My phone rings, its him. I answer. “Lattes. You. Me. Now”

Ummmmm…hmmmmmm latte with a fly by the seat of your pants type of guy or laundry at the laundromat on a hot afternoon??? This hopeful romantic, caffeine-addict said yes.

Turns our Mr. T does not have a car (in LA?!) but thankfully takes responsibility for getting himself places like a responsible adult (unlike another recent gentleman caller).  We decide to keep it local for him, which worked well for an errand I needed to run too, so killing two birds with one latte…we opted for convenience & picked Starbucks for our coffee date. We had our cross streets & we each began to head that direction.

Turns out there’s 3 Starbucks in that general area, shocking I know! Being on top of it, he sent over the address, a map, and general directions ~ thorough? chivalrous? obsessive compulsive? or in desperate need of his caffeine fix? I’d learn soon enough.  I thought it’d be a funny “meet cute” that we’d both be at different locations, both technically correct, we’d bicker bout who’s right over the phone as we walked to meet in the middle, lattes in hand, our eyes lock mid-block & we just know…ha! Ok, cut the background music, back to reality we come.

My 1st stop ended up running a lil long & he landed across the street. He texts that he’s secured me a meter on the side street & will see me there. Two things ~

  1. There’s a giant free parking lot in the back, which always has available spots
  2. If he doesn’t have a car, how is he securing the spot? Sitting in it?

I can only chuckle, shrug my shoulders & go in search of my gallant parking knight.  I arrive to stories of fighting off a BMW, a Lexus & an angry mini-van mom. He paid the meter, he owns that space!  He makes me laugh.

Earlier while en route to the date, he texted asking my sign & if I had ever dated a Gemini?  Apparently they still ask ‘hey baby, what’s your sign?’  No previous Gemini beaus I tell him…can’t wait to see where this conversation is headed.  Right off the bat once we get in line to order drinks, he dives in with Gemini traits ~ they’re enthusiastic (check) & they know what they like (a triple shot, 6 pumps vanilla wet cappuccino). Not 5 pumps, not 7, precisely 6.  Once we get outside, he follows it up with “Geminis are great lovers too”.  Oh boy, we’ve got a ‘live one’ is right!

Conversation ping-pongs around all over the place, no single thought is finished. I try to keep up. He’s fun & quite possibly crazy…another Gemini trait?

He was getting hot & sweating quite a bit, so I suggest going into the a/c but he thought it’d be much more fun to stroll the boulevard, window shop & chat. Um,ok.

A couple of blocks in I was regretting my lack of sunscreen & poor choice of shoes, usually cute sandals are safe for a coffee date.  We thankfully tuck into some shade & I get the Instagram tour of his life on the road. It looks pretty awesome. He does get to see some pretty great places, but he’s gone most of the year.  Back out in the beating sun, he grabs my coffee & puts it in my other hand while sliding his sweaty palm into mine. Oh, oh, oh…c’mon…  I suggest turning back once we’ve passed all the shops, sensing he could just wander for hours.

On the return stroll he asks multiple times what I’m doing tomorrow, the next day & the next. He’s starting to plan for our next date ~ driving around to see movie locations around town from our favorite movies (kind of a cool date idea). He had downloaded an app earlier in the date that gave all the info. Of course I joke about how are we going to get to all these locations. “Well, you’d be driving, of course” he says straight-faced. Silly me.

He makes his intentions very clear he wants to see me 2-3 times before he hits the road next week, yet I feel we’ve learned absolutely nothing about each other during this date to warrant more. Then he starts eluding to his extra airline vouchers he needs to use & maybe we could make good use of those…we’ll see.

I’m so overwhelmed.  I am not a future-izer! At this point I’m just walking along sipping whats left of my iced coffee, wide eyed & listening to him go.  Thankfully I had already established early on that I had to leave to pick up my friend at the airport, & oh lookie, its that time.

He walked me to my car, gave me an enthusiastic hug, lingered, then dove in for another hug, lips beelining for mine. I try the cheek dive, but he outsmarts me, man he’s fast!  I get in my car and laugh, what a random Monday afternoon. Dating is funny.

I’m not even two blocks away & the texts begin

  • Had a great time
  • Looking forward to our adventures
  • 😉
  • You can follow me on Facebook
  • Here’s my Instagram name
  • Here’s my Twitter

Invoking the ‘safe driver’ clause, I did not respond then, figuring I’d follow up later.  After a long catch up session over dinner with my friend, I texted him to say thanks for the afternoon fun & that I had made it with perfect timing to the airport.  Whoops, that was waking the beast. Sometimes I never know when to leave good enough alone. I gotta go & “be polite”, then things get weird.  He calls in response to my text, again it’s later in the night (what was I thinking?).  He’s talking low & sexy, says its so he won’t disturb his roommate.  Its awkward.  I don’t even remember what we talked about. We hang up.

A minute later he texts ~ “Can I be direct with you?”  Well, I figure this could go any which way, seeing as I have no clue what just happened on the phone. I’m curious, so I say “sure”.  This is the text I get back: (sorry mom) “Iam so f*****g hard right now & want to have sex with you for hours. Zero drama. Just amazing sex”.  Yep, that’s direct.  I’m all fired up as I read it. The Universe has been playing with me lately, testing me with setting my boundaries, which I fail to do early on, so I pounced on this opportunity & set him straight.

And again, in response, the Gemini in him is just a sensual being, he practices tantra, it’ll be amazing…blah, blah, blah. Ok so he’s not listening to me, best to just shut up, Thus ending the whirlwind romance with Mr. T in my book.

He kept on texting about the map he was creating for our next date. He was even gung-ho & chipper with texts this morning.  I think we loved enough in the span of 24 hours to last us a lifetime ~ thank you Mr. T.

The Modernization of Disney

Beautiful version, right?
A friend shared this gorgeous video last week & it reminded me of a post I meant to write a few weeks ago after I saw Disney’s latest movie, Frozen.
(can’t believe I completely forgot to write it, I guess it was meant to come now)

Have you seen it?
If you haven’t, #1 – why? and
#2 If you plan to, STOP READING! **Spoiler Alerts possible**

I’m sure I’ve probably talked about this before because I’m a product of the, as I like to call it, Disney ‘Princess Syndrome’, so bear with me…
As little girl’s we grew up with these classic  fairy tales of Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty & Snow White, versions of princesses being found or rescued by their “princes”, experiencing a “true love’s kiss” & living happily ever after…um, yeah thanks Walt, you kinda messed with a generation of girl’s minds who now as adults, know these are just tales but still dream of experiencing one or two of those magical moments.
(I also do think our shoe obsession began with the glass slipper, think about it…)

God bless Disney for catching up with today times & even poking fun at themselves in Frozen! This movie adds elements into their storyline that is much more relevant with today’s thoughts, from strong women in power to Disney’s 1st gay family.
Huge fantastic leaps forward!

By far my favorite updated element is everyone’s reaction to Anna’s foolish engagement to the prince she’s only just met. There’s swooning, there’s dancing, there’s duet-ing & finishing each other’s sandwiches ~ all classic Disney moves that I began to fall for, like Pavlov’s dog, but thank goodness they created smart, real characters to look out for Anna!
“You can’t marry a man you just met” ~ “Elsa”
“Who marries a man they met?” ~ Kristoff
Thank you reality check!

I absolutely adore Anna’s plucky character & she sticks to her guns, she loves him, she’ll defend her hearts wishes, but what’s even better is that she is not blind & doesn’t just accept, she fights, she questions, she’s a modern girl!
And its ok to be wrong about your “love” & to move on, such a great message to young girl’s today.

My 2nd favorite element to this movie is Elsa’s self-empowerment.
After fleeing Arendelle once her powers are revealed, Elsa actually discovers the beauty within herself & that that is all that matters. She finds freedom in just “being herself” – oh the brilliance in this moment!

I will leave you with Idina Menzel’s powerful version of “Let It Go” from the movie when Elsa is coming to this realization & embraces herself as she is, releasing the power of others.
~ enjoy the power of accepting yourself! ~
xo



Oh & how can I forget Olaf! 
He melts my heart, the joys of a pure soul


Have a great week!! 

Just when you think you’ve got things handled…

Oh crap!
My dad issues are affecting my dating life!!

I mean I was aware I had some “dad issues” but I I thought I had worked through those in these past few years. And, please don’t get me wrong I love my dad! I think we get along quite well now, but apparently there’s some stuff I gotta look at…sigh

Let me take you back to last week’s date that triggered all this…

I was finally meeting up with the Canadian librarian who I had met on Tinder.
We had been exchanging messages for a couple of weeks over the holidays, as we were both were busy traveling or booked with family in town, so it was finally time to meet up.
Our messages had been light & easy, starting off with the usual asking of the basics. Where we then moved into more witty banter. 
His flirting had an intellect to it that sparked my interest.
I’ve always found an educated man to be sexy. He doesn’t have to know everything about everything but if he’s got a passion & loves to share his knowledge in it – hot!
I was really looking forward to this date.

Pre-date giddiness, feelin pretty
We were meeting up at a small lil neighborhood wine bar he picked, which sounded casual & cozy.
I always love to let my girlie side show & decided to go with a dress & heels.
Always heels!
LA is a city overrun with short men & I gotta know early on how high a heel I can get away with, cuz I ain’t giving them up 😉
One thing I have learned from my Tinder dates, if their pics are mostly waist & up, they will be shorter than me…they have ALL been shorter than me.
(This may be where Tinder falls short since their stats aren’t listed, its kinda a crap shoot)

Sure, yeah, you can make the argument of falling for their personality is more important but if you can’t get attracted while bending down for a kiss, I’m not sure you ever will.

Ok, so yes, he fell into the shorter than me category, but possibly eye level without heels, so not giving up hope yet.

We get our glasses of wine. He’s a white wine guy. I’m a red wine gal.
Maybe we’re the opposites attract type?
We start picking up & elaborating on conversations we had messaged about.
I quickly notice with every comment I make I am corrected.
But he’s backing it up with facts & data, quoting obscure books & references, so kinda hot, right?
Have I mentioned he’s a librarian?
I’m soaking up new information, I’m learning while on a date ~ very cool.
Until it keeps happening, with every topic! Even fashion!
I’m getting triggered, my combative-ness is starting to come out…not pretty Carlie, take a deep breath & hear him out.
I was trying really hard to not shut down mid-date. Yes, I had pretty much written him off as potential at this point, but I might as well enjoy the night, right?
But then I’d hear myself argue something back to him, like I had no control over my mouth!

Managed to survive through the conversations with a couple of glasses of wine & as he walked me to my car, he leaned in for the kiss – either he was on a different date than me or he get turned on by debating where he always wins.
I cringe to admit I kissed him back, seemed a quicker way out & as I pull away he suggests we do this again – seriously????
BUT
he says its up to me to invite him out & plan the evening
(I will leave my rant about gender roles & dating for a future post).
I say ok & quickly hop in my car, figuring I just dodged a 2nd date.

Of course he reaches out a couple of days later via text & I find myself even being combative & snarky in my responses. He does not bring out my best self!

Cut to a couple of days ago & I’m sharing this experience with my therapist
(yes, the therapist thing is happening now)
& in doing his brilliant job of holding the mirror up to me & making me actually look, he shows me how this gentleman’s behavior was triggering my childhood reactions of dealing with my dad – who is always right…
And I reacted exactly how I used to as a child – dammit!
Instead of just listening, I was immediately forming judgements based on my past & writing him off.
Maybe he was anxious & was trying to impress, he suggested, but how would I know that if I’m not giving him a chance.
I cannot keep shutting down if its not how I “expect” it to be.

Sooooooo, I’m giving him a 2nd chance…while I currently feel this is against my better judgement, by Tuesday I will go into this open-minded, if anything for the practice & the experience of staying present

Christopher Reeve said “either you decide to stay in the shallow end of the pool or you go out in the ocean.”
I’m learning how to swim in the ocean, no more shutting down & playing it safe in the shallow end.

**Other Player’s Update**
Going into the new year I was looking forward to meeting up with a couple of other suitors too, here’s their latest…
The Restauranteur – has been benched due to a hernia, we’ll see if he comes back swinging.
The Second time Around Guy – has also been out of play due to family health issues which took him out of town & between juggling when he’s got his kid’s, I feel we may never get that 2nd date in. We chat, but missing the in-person connection…

In the meantime, I’m just gonna hang my heart out there & go enjoy life!
Have a great week!!
xo


2013 ~ a Dating Year in Review

Ahhhhh, as promised the “Best of 2013”
Seems like everyone is compiling their lists of “Top 10 _________ of 2013”, so I figured why not give a shout out to all the fun this year of dating has brought!
I chose my order of ranking not by the men & our compatibility, but on the experience of our time together…some were a blip, some short & sweet, other’s I at least remember their name 😉
Here we go…

#10. Didn’t Have to Leave my Couch Guy ~
ok, I’ll admit I did get off the couch to do my happy dance when he stood me up! 
We met at speed dating, got the email “we’re a match”, the texting began, which led to the phone call to plan our date, or so I thought…it actually turned into an hour & 1/2 whine-fest about his life, saved by my “dying” battery we left it in his court to pick our restaurant & was never heard from again – YES!! Cracked open a bottle of wine & had the best date in with myself!

#9. The Napper ~
You gotta wonder when at some point in every conversation we had he talks about his naps – how often is this guy awake? I woke him up one too many times…

#8. The Sext-er ~
the 1st Tinder casualty, he had the amazing talent of turning every conversation sexual, even when I’d call him out on it, he’d slide right into sext-er mode.
We never even made it to voice-on-voice contact…

#7. Slouching Buddha ~
the name says it all

#6. Mr. Accent ~
ok, we all know I’m a sucker for an accent, especially a British one, throw in tall, wears glasses & is an artist, I was a goner…
if only we had found common interests to share, oh & I wasn’t bored out of my mind…cheerio

#5. The Nice Guy ~
what can I say, he was a very nice guy…just not “my” nice guy. Thank you for some lovely evenings! There’s a nice gal out there for you 🙂

#4. The Vanisher ~
probably the most enjoyable date of the year conversationally…never to return again

#3. The Cheshire Cat ~
a mixture of characters this gentleman was as he regaled me with tales of his directing feats, for movies of the week are  

 such creative faire. As he puffed on his electric cigarette, the red glow was all I could see…was he? Could he be? The hookah-smoking Caterpillar? Or, no wait! I recognize that floating grin, for its the Cheshire Cat in the dark corner of the hipster bar Wonderland…

#2. Mr. Fun ~
I like to refer to him as my “palate cleanser”.
He arrived after a series of blah dates & invigorated my dating spirit! Lots of laughs, 
a great kisser & quite the tequila connoisseur – ole!

Drum rollllllllll please…
& the #1 spot for best date experience 2013 goes toooooooo

#1. Mr. A.D.D. ~
what can I say? You never know whats gonna happen next! 
From impromptu drinks to elegant dining, racing through the city streets on the back of his bike to warm & cozy by the fire…fun & exciting, yet lacking focused connection, but hey I can focus in other areas…let’s get on the bike & go! Such a rush!

So there you have it ~ the top 10 men of 2013!

On the line-up for 2014 ~ warming up in the on deck circle…
Our conversations (email/text/phone) have been had, 
now its down to in person…batter up!

Here’s their stats ~
The Librarian ~ new in town, this Canadian librarian has blue eyes & book smarts…I could get lost in this combo.
The Restauranteur ~ genuine smile, witty & quite charming…only thing is – he sounds exactly like my gay boyfriend Marc on the phone…let’s hope in person he’s straight!
The 2nd Time Around Guy ~ a few years out of his divorce, 2 teenage kids, seems stable, had a great 1st date, makes me laugh…we’ll see 🙂

While it looks like I’ll have to wait another year to experience my 1st New Year’s Eve kiss,
I have a really great feeling about the year ahead!!
And sure, there may still be some frogs along the way, but the romantic in me believes love might just be around the corner…

Until then I wish you all a happy, healthy & wonderful 2014!!!
I leave you with one of my all-time favorite “feel good” movie scenes ~ enjoy!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!
xo,
Carlie

Self-discoveries…

Ok, time to give you some updates!
And boy, its been a while ~ life just got going & I hopped on for the ride!
Figured I’d live in the moment, feel it, breathe it & digest it 
before I began rambling on about it…

So the latest batch of gentlemen callers come courtesy of eHarmony.
The jury is still out on their “scientific” matching system, 
but I’m a sucker for all their happy couple photos & believed that, I too, could become 
one half of those sticky sweet smiling couples.
(it’s funny too because I can realize how styled these ads are, hell I should work on these ads dressing the couples, 
but I STILL love to believe this is how bright & sunny they are in life)

Now there’s many, many rounds of “communication” on this site.
1st ~ 5 multiple choice questions to answer
Next up, is your list of like & dislikes in a mate
Thirdly, a round of answering 3 questions chosen by perspective date
&
Finally, if you pass all rounds, you can actually email each other!

I will admit to getting a lil lazy in rounds #1-3 (I know, that’s horrible!)
But I’ve found my solid stock questions I want answers to, so I ping-pong the steps right back to them…
I’ve found that the men tend to give the shortest answer possible when it comes to the type your own response portion (shocking, right?!)
So I find myself just wanting to get through all the hoopla & get out on the date in person to see if they can really communicate.

Which is exactly why I wonder about this “matching” system! 
How scientific can it really be?
And if I’m not paying attention to all the steps in detail, maybe I should hop on a less detail-orientated site???
A friend, who’s having success, has recommended I check out Tinder…
Trusted readers ~ have any of you tried it? I need references besides his.
He compares it to “seeing someone across the room at a party that you find attractive” & this gives you a way to let them know.
I call BS on that &  think it just feeds to men’s visual nature w/o wanting to delve deeper.
But in all honesty too, I’m HORRIBLE meeting strangers at a party I’m attracted too, I get all tongue tied & twisted. I lose my words & come off as shy or snobbish,
either way my 1st impressions may not get me far…

Woah, got way sidetracked there…but as you probably have gathered by now my eHarmony matches have not quite been made in heaven.
Let’s summarize…

First we met the British guy. 
He was tall. Wore glasses (such a sucker for a guy in glasses). Had an accent!
Designed cars for Hot Wheels, figured he’s got a creative side, which is very cool.
First date was lovely. Rooftop dinner downtown. City lights. Cocktails. Pretty good conversation once I could sense him relaxing.
Drinks lead to going for coffee, which was not the best plan.
I was exhausted & should’ve called the date done instead of going for coffee, but I didn’t.

*Self-discovery #1 – listen to your gut, its knows whats right for you, stop being so damn polite!

So, we coffee’d as I tried to keep my eyes open & stay interested in the conversation, but I was a lost cause.
An awkward hug at the parking garage & off we went our separate ways.

The drive home & into the next day I was very melancholy, couldn’t shake the blahs. 
I sensed it had to do with the date, but he was “good on paper” so maybe I was just tired from a hectic week?
He sent some nice texts, shared pics of his afternoon adventure – it made me warm to him a lil more. 

As schedules would have it, he was out of town & I had an event, so it took a couple of weeks to re-connect.
But during that time he kept sharing pics from his trip & staying in touch, which was nice to have someone to chat throughout the day with again here & there.
Turned out he was a phone guy & wanted to talk in evenings.

*Self re-discovery #2 – I am NOT a phone person! If we’re gonna chat, I want it to be on a couch, face to face, esp at the beginning!

You know what, I’m gonna cut this one short ~ dates 2 & 3 again were quite lovely.
He was good a planning cool dates, if only I enjoyed being on them with him.
The melancholy set in after each meet up & I had to admit there was nothing there, listen to your gut when it keeps saying the same thing.

The latest eHarmony connection was been quite fun.
Mid-week 1st date ~ tequila tasting.
Came to my side of town (points!)
Easy conversation. Fun & Funny.
Kissing like teenagers on the street for an hour.
I had a feeling he was going to be my “fun , in the meantime guy”

Spontaneous 2nd date ~ I broke the “Rules” & accepted a dinner date on Sat nite with only a couple of hours notice (*gasp*)
Since I already put him in the FUN category, I figured why stay home on a Sat nite trying to teach him how to respect my time?
I wanted to hang out & he was game – why not?
A fun night!

3rd date ~ relaxing night in with wine.
In conversation & joking he declares he’s not boyfriend material.
Oh, yeah I know. You’ve been in fling category since 2nd date. 
The fun continues.

The next day I can’t shake this blah feeling again.
What is it?
Was it the wine? Is it him? 
I have fun when I’m with him.
It was like I had a heart hangover!

*Self-discovery #3 – you can’t trick yourself in to being ok with a fling when you desire to be in a relationship

We never connected in between our dates ~ no texts, no calls, no “hey, just thinking of ya”
Funny thing was I had no desire to reach out to him either in between seeing him.
I craved the connection, but not with him.
Was the need he was filling enough? Or did I have to get real with myself?

We hung out again. And I got my answer.

In getting real with myself, I learned its easy to revert back to old habits & patterns. 
I could easily slip back into non-commital, non-defined dating ways, but when I used to do that my heart didn’t hurt because I kept it hidden behind many walls.
I’ve worked hard to break down those walls 
& when I allowed myself to feel 
& to fall 
& to be vulnerable, 
I felt the most alive & the most loved.
I felt like each day I was walking on sunshine.
I want to feel that again!
So I have to honor my heart & hold the faith…

Til then, its time to dance!
xo

Itching for some hand holdin…

Well, hello again! 
Life has kept me on my toes lately, a go, go goin…but as I’m winding down the
weekend & enjoying my peaceful Sunday afternoon I thought I’d share 
the latest musings going through my head…

First, I have to say, I have been craving a hand to hold on to!
Its one of those innocent yet intimate moments that I’ve been missing lately.
I get a sense of security, of nurture, of support when my hand is held ~
I guess, all feelings that I’m needing fulfilled with life’s chaos these past couple of weeks.
Really looking forward to some serious hand holding one of these days!!

A friend & I were talking the other day and she asked me WHAT exactly am I looking for in a relationship?
Grand romantic gestures? Commitment levels – marriage? Long term?
What’s it look like to me?
Of course this got me thinking, as it was hard to put in to words at that moment.

I think we’re all pretty aware by now that I’m a hopeless romantic, but when I thought more about it, its not the big romantic gestures that make me swoon, its the thoughtful notes or texts, just saying “hi, thinking of you”.

I like the idea of pure partnership.
I know it won’t always be sunshine & rainbows, 
but I love the idea of knowing someone is there for me & I for him.
A relationship where we each love the other for who they are, for their quirks & all, and we’re free to be exactly who we are.
Having a trust in one another that neither of us is going anywhere anytime soon if some bumps arise.
Knowing that someone is there to cheer along side you when life is groovin & to hug you when its throwing tomatoes at you…
So, yep Universe that’s what I’m looking for 🙂

I was introduced to StoryCorps a couple of years ago while listening to the radio & immediately was hooked!
Hearing people tell their stories is just amazing ~ when you take the time to stop & listen, tune out the noise & just experience their stories along with them, it is so rewarding and fascinating!
This is really what life is about ~ connecting & loving others.

Enjoy this animated story clip from Danny & Annie Perasa ~
I can only hope to find the love & partnership like they share…
they’re a real life version of “UP” 🙂
Have a great week ahead!!
xo

It was bound to happen…

Looking for love online does come with its risks, I mean you are talking to complete strangers.
Why do we so easily open up to them, to the idea of them as a mate?
Its not like we’re handing out our numbers & hearts to every guy who walks by in the grocery store. In person we seem to be a lil more guarded with our hearts, but online we gaze at their pics, we read their words, exchange some emails & all of sudden a fantasy of what life could be like with him is dancing in our head.

We hold their well crafted words to be truth, their pictures to be the “everyday” version them, & not a well lit, best angle snapshot that is not reality from most angles.
And well, it finally happened…
the “inaccurate photo” guy finally showed up.

Mr. Pics & I mutually “chose” each other on OkCupid through their “Quick Match” system, where they give you a lil glimpse at each other’s profile’s & you give star ratings ~ lucky for us we each gave the other 4 or 5 stars.
Emails announcing your mutual interest are sent, let the connecting begin…

A couple of rounds of emails, a request for my number, the ring of my phone & the fun begins…
Completely shocked that he rang a mere 2 hours after asking for my number, I figured I HAD to answer the phone & I was really glad I did!
Turns out he’s a very talkative type, which is great for me (I’m a good listener-type).
We chatted for a coupla hours, yes hours(!), & when we hung up I actually said out loud “well that was fun”.
I couldn’t believe how enjoyable our conversation was ~ it had been a while since I was intrigued by a man and what he had to say. He was funny, took risks, loved what he does for a living, shared similar interests ~ I couldn’t wait to meet him.

We decided to meet on Sunday.
He offered to come my direction (points for him, especially considering he’s a West-sider)
I couldn’t tell with the options he threw out there ~ cafes to bars, what exactly kind of date we were going for.
We ended up with the bar/restaurant option based on their great patio, but chose to meet a 4p (?) – is that a late lunch? Early dinner? Drinks only? Who knew what this date held…

He was definitely manicure worthy, I mean I had been looking forward to meeting him all week. I had my favorite dress on, my best smelling perfume, I was feeling pretty & couldn’t wait to meet him!

We both arrived at the same time, and since the place was virtually empty at that hour, he was easy to spot, except that he looked nothing like his pictures ~
easily 30-40lbs heavier than presented online.
Yes, his profile said “a lil extra”, which his pics somewhat represented, but…

After the awkward hello’s & we immediately went to the LA standard safe topic – traffic!
As he got our drinks, I noticed his entire back was wet with sweat & as we sat and talked he continued to sweat for another 15 minutes.
My mind wandered to activities we could be doing in the future & wondering how much he’d be sweating.
I mean, he got out of a BMW, so I know he had air conditioning, if crossing the street caused this sweat, I could only imagine…

The date was fine, he’s a talker, like I said, so I learned alot.
Has roommates, 2 other guys – they call it their halfway house for divorcees (lovely)
Still not divorced (great)

As I sat there I kept questioning myself & how superficial am I???? 
Yes, we were not meeting up on other points too, but if we were “connecting” could I get past the extra lbs?
And if I expect him to be leaner, how can I judge with my “soft” spots?
I’m not a Sz 2 model/actress type that roam the streets here ~
who am I to be picky?
Maybe I should accept what interest is shown to me & get this done?

What wins out in the end?
Attraction?
Personality?
If we want/expect to be attracted to our mates, must we live up to that standard we’re setting for them?
This has really left me spinning & questioning myself, how dare I judge him when I’m not perfect? If I want a lean man, should I assume he’ll want the same & I need to diet more?

This experience, on top of the previous half dozen, has left me wanting to take a break.
A friend says she’ll only let me take a week off, but I’m not sure if that’s enough time for my heart.
I’m tired of being alone, but lonely & disappointed is worse.

I’ve recently started back to a job I thought I enjoyed, but in a matter of days I’ve seen myself crash. The grueling hours have sucked any joy I had for it out. And with these hours, I have no time for myself, my business or my dating life.
I do this job to support my business, but I’m left pondering if I was to give up my business, then my financial stresses will feel some relief, then maybe I can find a job with humane hours?
And if I give up my business, why stay here in LA?
Maybe to find the love of my life, I need to move on…
Am I willing to make finding LOVE my priority?

I used to think I loved what I did for a living & loved my business, but I’m beginning to wonder if they’re safety nets to hide in?

I’m too tired to answer these questions right now, but they’ve got me thinking.
I’m sending prayers up.
Maybe its time to move on
xo

God Bless Pie

Ahhhhh, a new week has begun, what adventures lie ahead???

I will say, it is off to a great start!!
I know I’m always telling you stories as I look for love, but I’ve gotta share this high I’m on tonight ~
Earlier today I had some big decisions to make with my upcoming collection for Ch*Armz, of course the creative side of the decision process was fun (I love that part!) but when it came down to all the other stuff, I was spinning out in my head.
I did not want to freeze & over-think, but yet I’ve gotta think it through…how much is too much when it comes to thinking?
My gut knew I was on the right path, I just needed to keep reminding my feet to take one step, then another. It was time for action instead of analyzation.
And I did, I took action!
I sit here with a living room full of fabric I adore & now I’m looking at the next step.
Today showed me I do have faith in myself & in my abilities.

I am giddy at the thought of the next few months as I challenge myself to step outside of my fears & believe in me!
My “safe” life is great, but I have dreams for it to be bigger & I can make it bigger!

And of course this pertains to love too!!
I’m working on pushing through my fears of getting hurt & being vulnerable again, believing I’m enough & lovable, but it’s not always easy…

Take for instance, Guy #4.
I should’ve known when he booked the date & said “let’s do early on Friday (7p) before we get our night’s started”.
I hate to say it, but he was my Friday night. 
It may be the romantic in me, but even if we say we’re just meeting for drinks, I like to keep the evening open to the possibility of anything, we may hit it off, decide to have dinner, talk for hours, who knows…end up at the beach with our toes in the sand.
OR home 45 minutes later with a box salad & Liz Lemon.

We met at Golden Road Brewery, which is a great casual spot, if you’re a beer drinker, which he is not. Odd choice of venue. He ordered wine.
They have the communal dining experience, so our 1st date was joined 2 other couples & a family of 3, nice & intimate 😉
Once we got our drinks & squeezed ourselves into a table, the stand-up routine began.
I thought he was a producer/sax player/movie critic, now we’re adding comedian to the mix?
Oh boy!
Oh & he’s also a baker, which may have been what lured me on the date to be honest 😉

So, we get to talking about baked goods & here comes the schtick.
He’s talking about the “Republic of Pies” somewhere in the Valley, 
my interest is piqued, what’s on the menu, where is it, etc…& he gets rolling with its more of a “dictatorship of pies”, no wait its an “oligarchy of pies”…is it, is it an oligarchy? he asks….& PULLS OUT HIS PHONE, gotta Google this…yep, yep its an”Oligarchy of Pies”
He’s cracking himself up. I wince, fake chuckle & gulp my beer. 

And in a blink of an eye our mini date was done, he had dinner plans.
Points for at least paying for my drink, but they were quickly lost as he couldn’t even walk me 3 cars past his to mine.
I like when they make it clear as day that you’d never like to see them again.
Next…

I will say I’m glad Guys 1-4 have gotten me back out there; they’ve introduced me to some great restaurants, lounges & cuisine.
They have also shown me I need to tune back in to what type of partner I’m looking for & not be so eager to just get to the date.
I want the dates to be fun & be something I look forward to…
I look forward to the endless conversations, the holding hands, the laughing & the sharing as we get to know each other…

I’m diving back in the sea to find my fish.
Guaranteed more stories to follow 😉

In the meantime, I’m curling up with some love letters & great stories.
In a recent trip to Ojai with Mom, we came across this amazing outdoor book store, Bart’s Books.
We got lost in there for hours. Mom in reflexology. Me in great love stories of the past.   

 I found an interesting biography of JFK & Jackie’s love & life together that I couldn’t resist getting, I want behind the story of Camelot. Plus its an old hard cover book, just like good ole library days. It feels so weird to turn actual pages! I love it!

And as I dug through stacks of books, I was drawn to Keats & his love letters to Fanny Brawne…awww the beauty of words!

Look at that gaze!

13 October, 1819

“…My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit to my love now….Your note came in just here. I cannot be happier away from you. ‘Tis richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threaten me in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion – I have shudder’d at it. I shudder no more – I could be martyr’d for my Religion – Love is my religion – I could die for that. I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet. You have ravish’d me away by a Power I cannot resist; and yet I could resist til I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often ‘to reason against the reason of my Love.’ I can do no more – the pain would be too great. I cannot breathe without you.
                                                                                                                  Yours for ever
                                                                                                                        John Keats

And on that note…
xo

Mid-week musings




Alrighty, I’m a month into the Summer of YES, thought I’d check in & give y’all a lil update.
I will say that saying “yes” keeps one’s calendar quite full!
Between friends, family, travel, OkCupid & How bout we?, life has been one activity to the next.

My month on How bout we? is up & here’s what I’ve learned from this dating site:
~While the site’s intent is to get you offline quicker & out dating, it’s like pulling teeth to get the men to actually ask you out, still lots of emails pinging back & forth…boring, let’s meet up!
~ Men love the “Intrigued” button…c’mon, man up & actually start a conversation!
~ Men love to put wildly creative 1st dates up, which is quite a fantastic insight to their personality, but has yet to have been the actual 1st date.
~ Women put realistic dates like “let’s go for coffee or a drink” 
(which has been what the 1st dates have actually been at the man’s suggestion funnily enough)
~ Silly screen names are abundant
~ Like most other sites, some conversations just fade away, never to be heard from again
~ Men in their late 50’s still think they’ve got it
(I am & will always be impressed with men’s confidence levels)

While it was fun, I’m logging out of How bout we? for now. 
Heading back to work & figuring time will be limited, I might as well hang out with my good ole freebie pal, OkCupid 😉

Round up of dates from the past month: 3 guys, 7 dates
Guy #1 (OkC), oh you also know him as Chandler Bing, popped back in so unexpectedly that I found myself saying yes before I realized who I was talking to ~ but I said YES!
For our 2nd date, we were gonna hit a story slam that I wanted to go to, but I tend to forget that we live in a city of millions, so if I hear of an event chances are pretty good that at least 2-3 million also heard about it, so with a line weaving around the block, we did not get in…which really was too bad since we’d now be forced to talk over dinner. 
The food was amazing (love finding a new good Mexican food spot!) & with 2 margaritas in me I was fine to let him ramble on about doing background work (mind you, I thought he was an asst. director).
I think we all know there’s no more to this story…

Guy #2 (How bout we), caught my attention by pointing out 2 of my likes ~ he wears glasses & enjoys movies.
He recently turned 50, kinda my cap on the older man range, but thought I’d be open to it since we seemed to have similar values & interests. 
First date was fun, good conversation, & he’d picked a cool spot to meet up ~ all encouraging things.
2nd date ~ the eyeglasses stayed on the table the whole time, learned about all the diet restrictions to help lose the few lbs that have crept up since the 5-0, couldn’t really answer why his marriage ended, & kept the date going for about an hour & half too long. 
Bad date topics started coming up as we searched for conversation, learned alot during that segment of the date 😉
Wanted to try again for some silly reason & accepted Date #3.
Beautiful restaurant, very romantic, delicious food.
Wished the entire time I was there with someone else.
Things were said, true colors shown & it was confirmed we’re not a match.

Guy #3 (How bout we), took about 20 emails to get him to set up a date, which he did by emailing over his # & saying text me in the morning to make plans…ah such the gentleman.
I’ll admit that set the tone of very low expectations on my part. 
So when I texted him & he suggested a thai restaurant, I was pleasantly surprised & said yes.
Then I realized he never said a time to meet or sent over the address, a link, nothing.
Being self sufficient, I yelp’ed it, got the address & saw that it was closed.
Dilemma – share this info or let him learn the hard way? 
I figured I’d see if he’d ever set a time & catch this bit of info himself, & if I hadn’t heard from him as I left my earlier party, I might mention it via text.
Hours later I get the text saying its closed & scrambling to find a new spot, all while I’m at the party he knows I’m at & he keeps texting! (One thing I hate doing is being on my phone when out with friends, so rude!).
Picks a bar in the middle for both of us, which ends up being Silverlake.
Obnoxiously loud music & waaaaaay too hipster-y for me.
He’s a director. Most of the date he was very LA douche-y, name dropping, etc. 
Turned human when he talked about his boys.
But when conversation ran out mid-way, he grabbed my head & pulled me in & started kissing me.
Now it had been a while & I was really really missing kissing, so I gave in, to try him on.
The thing is when you do that, then realize you don’t want to be kissing him, it gets really awkward as he keeps trying for the rest of the date…
**GUYS – if you’re gonna kiss on the 1st date, wait til the end, let it build! Better yet, leave her wanting you & don’t kiss til the 2nd date** 
Felt way too violated to give him another chance.

In my 20’s I used to kiss all sorts of guys, but now I really want to be attracted to them as a person first. 
I love kissing, I do. I miss it, but making out just for the “sake of kissing” isn’t all that fun anymore. 

Oh, I almost forgot about Guy #4 (OkC), I’m meeting him for drinks on Friday.
His profile sounds great, he bakes delicious goodies ~ of course “yes” let’s meet up.
He’s a producer of entertainment news & so far our phone chats have been more interview style, but for now I’m writing it off to work-mode…we’ll see…


Now I don’t take these seriously, but I saw this week’s horoscope & could help wishing for a lil truth in it…
I think you & I both know the answer though after the above re-cap 😉
Pisces (February 20-March 20)

Paddleboarding, anyone? The Leo sun lights up your sixth house of health for the next month, calling forth the wellness warrior in you. Last week you sneered at a friend’s tireless green smoothie Instagrams, this week, you’re firing up the blender and asking her for tips on making kale. Romantic Venus cruises into your commitment zone from Monday through August 15 sprinkling serious relationship fairy dust all over your love life. Time to have The Talk, Pisces. 


I’ve been re-marathoning with 30 Rock lately & enjoying the beauty of Liz Lemon. 
She is unapologetically herself & everything out of her mouth makes me laugh!

The hopeless romantic in me is still clinging to the idea of magical first dates, getting lost in each other where the world around you disappears, falling passionately in love…but with the current date situations & Liz saying quotes like these, it makes me kinda wonder…maybe I do “just want to start a relationship 12 years in”…



Lemon out ~
xo







"Field of Dreams"-ing it

Ok, so we last left off with an anticipated round of “speed dating” coming up…
I was actually quite excited for this evening.
It had been a while since I had powered through a few dates in one evening & the idea was sounding fun again.
It was with a few Meet-up groups collaborating to bring together what sounded like a pretty cool group of people, mostly single professionals in their 30’s & 40’s – perfect!
(seriously, a job is a requirement these days! Am I right, ladies?!)

I liked the idea that it was through meetup.com versus a “speed dating” company, which I’ve tried & have always had fun at but it felt a lil less pressure-y somehow in my mind.
It was also conveniently located at a pub around the corner from the lot, so super easy to get dolled up after work & pop over.
I made sure to rsvp early when I saw the initial posting, I was ready!
They had a ‘pay now’ or ‘pay at door’ option, the later being far more expensive, so I tried to click thru & pay w/o much luck since the links kept circling me back.
I wasn’t too worried & figured I ‘d try again before the event.

It quickly ‘sold out’ to women, as is often the case, so I was thankful for my rsvp.
The night before I figured out the payment system, all was good, 
let’s get our date on!

The next morning I picked out my casual, yet cute, hip with a twist of preppy dress that said ‘yeah, lemme show you a lil sense of my style without trying too hard”, I grabbed my sandals, & a pop of color clutch ~ all were handy in the car, easily ready to transform me from ‘worker Carlie’ to “fun, we should hang out Carlie’.

On the commute the next morning, during a particularly long stand still in the canyon, I was checking my email (only while stopped, I promise!).
There I saw an email from Phil.
Phil was writing to tell me that he was refunding me for that evening’s speed dating event.
Apparently the system had a glitch & it was sold out to women & shouldn’t have processed my payment.
I quickly wrote back explaining to him, ‘oh no, I had already rvsp’d, I just preferred to pay in advance & not at the door. I’ll see you this evening’
Sadly, no I would not…
Apparently the rsvp was meaningless w/o payment, which boggles me as to why they offered a ‘pay at the door’ option then…

This was the 2nd speed dating event this year that got cancelled on me on the same day of the event…
I will admit a few tears of frustration were shed as I crawled down the canyon…

I was really tired of getting excited, getting my hopes up & then being let down. 
I was questioning it all…why bother?

What was a girl to do, but turn to Mom.
As always, she came through with the best response ~ “obviously this was God’s way of letting you know you weren’t going to meet any one great there & He just saved you the money”
I love her!
Thanks Mom!!

So this, along with inbox messages from the likes of Spacelord67, Lazybum99, & DaBrothaMan on okCupid, I was feeling pretty down on the whole dating scene…

I’ve been on a journey of revisiting my Faith this year (thanks to a book from Mom), where I’ve working on being more trusting in God & his plan for me, instead of pushing through what I think I know is best…(it can be tough!)
Mom has been faithfully praying for him to come in to my life for, um 39 years now, so maybe its time I place a lil faith in God too that he’ll send him when the time is right.

So I’m going to relax a bit, take some deep breaths 
& enjoy the summer fun that lies ahead 🙂

Of course, now that I’ve said that, you’re gonna laugh at me for my “Field of Dreams”-ing it, but it doesn’t hurt 😉
“If you build it, they will come”

I’m back at my old practice of buying an extra ticket for events I want to go to.
I figure ‘cool, if he’s around by then I’ll have a great date to take to this show, this event, this opening, you name it…’
If he hasn’t shown up by the time of said event, my lucky friends reap the benefits 😉
which is always a guaranteed good night out!
Its a win-win either way in my book!

Here’s to believing!!
xo