Okay, so maybe not the best way to deal with it, but when a good friend invites you to $1 wine tasting which then turns into free Paul Simon concert tickets, you pick up your guitar carafe of Cabernet & cheers the night away.
All in the hopes of making reality seem like something you’ve dreamt up…

Nothing beats heartache like a pounding hangover headache, 3 hours of sleep and a full day on set ahead of you…I can do this! Ow! I hope…

I did pretty okay in restraining my drunk texting that night, aside from videoing some of the concert, saying “i love you” at the end & SENDING it!! But I was feeling it, why not share it! Riiight?

It was so hard that next day to not text him. I was a big ball of mixed emotions, from sad and hurt, to angry and then sad again.
I felt like a fool, how could I have been so utterly happy just 2 days earlier?

Work was brutal, but I survived it. No one to blame for my pain other than my own doing. I could not wait for my bed!
When I got home, he asked if we could FaceTime, which I couldn’t resist. We each curled up in our respective beds, talking but saying nothing really at all. It was just great to see his face.
Of course as we got off the phone, I was wide awake, seriously? All I wanted was sleep. I grabbed my book & curled up.
He texted, joked about being awake too, but us both knowing me + reading in bed = asleep in 10 min…& sure enough!

Next thing I’m aware of is the sound of his voice, at midnight he drove over & crawled in to bed with me. We slept entwined in each other’s arms all night.
I had never slept so soundly with him.
** this move now tops as one of his all-time romantic gestures, beating out the “going home cuz we each CAN’T sleep & returning with coffee next morning” 😉

We still needed to talk but our schedules weren’t matching.
Saturday night I crawled into his bed while he slept, again a peaceful night.

The weekend passed. I wanted to be in full on ignore-it mode, real healthy I know 😉 I tried to focus on my business.

Monday arrives with the news I did not make it into a holiday show I was hoping for with Ch*Armz. This news seemed to hit a lil harder than it should’ve but go figure my state of mind…    
We were planning on lunch, but I told him nevermind I had lost my appetite.

A lil bit later, there was a knock at my door & there he was with vegetarian chili for me, he remembered me saying I miss having chili back home when it gets cold out 🙂
He even brought Fritos to top it with!
He heated up some soup for himself & we curled up on the couch.

I was feeling pretty down & he filled me up with all the good things he sees in me & my company’s potential. I listened & took it all in. I knew he was speaking from his heart. He really is a good man, albeit confused. I knew his words & his love was real.

I nestled in his arms. Silence crept in. I knew I needed to bring up the white elephant in the room, oh god I don’t want to…ok, like a band-aid rip it off, 1…2…3…
So are you going to see her?

He had booked his flight, he left in a week…
More silence, we just sat in each other’s arms.

I tried to pull myself together & act like I needed to get back to work. I couldn’t let him see me breakdown.
I started to clean up & busy myself to keep from crying.
 He grabbed me and hugged me tight.
We both cried. We stood there for what seemed like forever.

I pulled away, clicked on my iTunes to break the silence & retreated to my bedroom.
Couldn’t have asked for a more ridiculously dramatic song to come on than Adele’s “Someone Like You”…
He let himself out

I like you, I adore you, I…

Let’s just start this one off with the disclaimer that I’m still learning how to do thing we call a relationship.
Its so easy to be single, sometimes too easy, to be doing your own thing, when you want to, however you want to.

For close to 20 years now, I’ve been on my own. And for the most part I’ve enjoyed it. Sure there’s been those times, like when trying to lug an Ikea bookcase up 2 flights of stairs, that having someone around to help would’ve been nice, but I grew from my time alone, learned more about who I was, what I wanted outta life, & where my strengths lie, I think…I hope (Ikea furniture building being one)…

But recently I’ve been thinking about how nice it is to have someone to share life with, to turn to for advice, to cheer you on, to laugh with, dance in the living room with ~ all the things you look just plain crazy doing on your own.
Admittedly though, I do still talk to myself out loud in public, sometimes without even realizing until mid-conversation 😉  

What is my point?

Well, I learned how special my man is when I had a big weekend show with my clothing line, Ch*Armz
 Our booth @ Barker Hangar ~ Ch*Armz 

I’m pretty good when it comes to dealing with stress, I thrive under pressure & deadlines, its slightly masochistic if you ask me, but it’s how I roll…
I had never realized how much of a difference having someone in your corner makes ~ one who’s holding you up with encouraging words when doubts creep in, who checks in on how your day is going, someone who truly cares.

His just asking about my day made me want to do more, to be more. He helped re-invigorate the energy I knew I had but had gotten bogged down in with too much inner-conversation. 

At the end of a long first day of the show, my honey treated me out to sushi at Katsu-ya ~ now we’re talkin 😉
Nothing can take away the day’s stresses like some sake & spicy tuna on crispy rice, yeah you heard me

Lil bites of heaven
 And just when I thought I had already gone to heaven, he took my back to his place & we popped open some champagne, got in to the jacuzzi and had bubbly in the bubbles, under the stars……
The music played in the background
He pulled me close, cupping my face in his hands & whispered “Carlie, je t’aime”
The rush through my body was electric tingly, was it the bubbly? the heat of the bubbles? It was him, my love.
I was able to truly say I love you back for the first time without hesitation, without tears, without feeling obligated. I had fallen for this wonderful man in front of me.

From there we got sickeningly silly romantic & serenaded each other to the song that was playing…

The next day I don’t think me feet touched the ground.
The show went well.
And when it was time to break down our booth, he was there, ready to help.
I surrendered & completely appreciated his help.
Sometimes you don’t have to do it all on your own 🙂