2013 ~ a Dating Year in Review

Ahhhhh, as promised the “Best of 2013”
Seems like everyone is compiling their lists of “Top 10 _________ of 2013”, so I figured why not give a shout out to all the fun this year of dating has brought!
I chose my order of ranking not by the men & our compatibility, but on the experience of our time together…some were a blip, some short & sweet, other’s I at least remember their name 😉
Here we go…

#10. Didn’t Have to Leave my Couch Guy ~
ok, I’ll admit I did get off the couch to do my happy dance when he stood me up! 
We met at speed dating, got the email “we’re a match”, the texting began, which led to the phone call to plan our date, or so I thought…it actually turned into an hour & 1/2 whine-fest about his life, saved by my “dying” battery we left it in his court to pick our restaurant & was never heard from again – YES!! Cracked open a bottle of wine & had the best date in with myself!

#9. The Napper ~
You gotta wonder when at some point in every conversation we had he talks about his naps – how often is this guy awake? I woke him up one too many times…

#8. The Sext-er ~
the 1st Tinder casualty, he had the amazing talent of turning every conversation sexual, even when I’d call him out on it, he’d slide right into sext-er mode.
We never even made it to voice-on-voice contact…

#7. Slouching Buddha ~
the name says it all

#6. Mr. Accent ~
ok, we all know I’m a sucker for an accent, especially a British one, throw in tall, wears glasses & is an artist, I was a goner…
if only we had found common interests to share, oh & I wasn’t bored out of my mind…cheerio

#5. The Nice Guy ~
what can I say, he was a very nice guy…just not “my” nice guy. Thank you for some lovely evenings! There’s a nice gal out there for you 🙂

#4. The Vanisher ~
probably the most enjoyable date of the year conversationally…never to return again

#3. The Cheshire Cat ~
a mixture of characters this gentleman was as he regaled me with tales of his directing feats, for movies of the week are  

 such creative faire. As he puffed on his electric cigarette, the red glow was all I could see…was he? Could he be? The hookah-smoking Caterpillar? Or, no wait! I recognize that floating grin, for its the Cheshire Cat in the dark corner of the hipster bar Wonderland…

#2. Mr. Fun ~
I like to refer to him as my “palate cleanser”.
He arrived after a series of blah dates & invigorated my dating spirit! Lots of laughs, 
a great kisser & quite the tequila connoisseur – ole!

Drum rollllllllll please…
& the #1 spot for best date experience 2013 goes toooooooo

#1. Mr. A.D.D. ~
what can I say? You never know whats gonna happen next! 
From impromptu drinks to elegant dining, racing through the city streets on the back of his bike to warm & cozy by the fire…fun & exciting, yet lacking focused connection, but hey I can focus in other areas…let’s get on the bike & go! Such a rush!

So there you have it ~ the top 10 men of 2013!

On the line-up for 2014 ~ warming up in the on deck circle…
Our conversations (email/text/phone) have been had, 
now its down to in person…batter up!

Here’s their stats ~
The Librarian ~ new in town, this Canadian librarian has blue eyes & book smarts…I could get lost in this combo.
The Restauranteur ~ genuine smile, witty & quite charming…only thing is – he sounds exactly like my gay boyfriend Marc on the phone…let’s hope in person he’s straight!
The 2nd Time Around Guy ~ a few years out of his divorce, 2 teenage kids, seems stable, had a great 1st date, makes me laugh…we’ll see 🙂

While it looks like I’ll have to wait another year to experience my 1st New Year’s Eve kiss,
I have a really great feeling about the year ahead!!
And sure, there may still be some frogs along the way, but the romantic in me believes love might just be around the corner…

Until then I wish you all a happy, healthy & wonderful 2014!!!
I leave you with one of my all-time favorite “feel good” movie scenes ~ enjoy!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!


Ok, time to give you some updates!
And boy, its been a while ~ life just got going & I hopped on for the ride!
Figured I’d live in the moment, feel it, breathe it & digest it 
before I began rambling on about it…

So the latest batch of gentlemen callers come courtesy of eHarmony.
The jury is still out on their “scientific” matching system, 
but I’m a sucker for all their happy couple photos & believed that, I too, could become 
one half of those sticky sweet smiling couples.
(it’s funny too because I can realize how styled these ads are, hell I should work on these ads dressing the couples, 
but I STILL love to believe this is how bright & sunny they are in life)

Now there’s many, many rounds of “communication” on this site.
1st ~ 5 multiple choice questions to answer
Next up, is your list of like & dislikes in a mate
Thirdly, a round of answering 3 questions chosen by perspective date
Finally, if you pass all rounds, you can actually email each other!

I will admit to getting a lil lazy in rounds #1-3 (I know, that’s horrible!)
But I’ve found my solid stock questions I want answers to, so I ping-pong the steps right back to them…
I’ve found that the men tend to give the shortest answer possible when it comes to the type your own response portion (shocking, right?!)
So I find myself just wanting to get through all the hoopla & get out on the date in person to see if they can really communicate.

Which is exactly why I wonder about this “matching” system! 
How scientific can it really be?
And if I’m not paying attention to all the steps in detail, maybe I should hop on a less detail-orientated site???
A friend, who’s having success, has recommended I check out Tinder…
Trusted readers ~ have any of you tried it? I need references besides his.
He compares it to “seeing someone across the room at a party that you find attractive” & this gives you a way to let them know.
I call BS on that &  think it just feeds to men’s visual nature w/o wanting to delve deeper.
But in all honesty too, I’m HORRIBLE meeting strangers at a party I’m attracted too, I get all tongue tied & twisted. I lose my words & come off as shy or snobbish,
either way my 1st impressions may not get me far…

Woah, got way sidetracked there…but as you probably have gathered by now my eHarmony matches have not quite been made in heaven.
Let’s summarize…

First we met the British guy. 
He was tall. Wore glasses (such a sucker for a guy in glasses). Had an accent!
Designed cars for Hot Wheels, figured he’s got a creative side, which is very cool.
First date was lovely. Rooftop dinner downtown. City lights. Cocktails. Pretty good conversation once I could sense him relaxing.
Drinks lead to going for coffee, which was not the best plan.
I was exhausted & should’ve called the date done instead of going for coffee, but I didn’t.

*Self-discovery #1 – listen to your gut, its knows whats right for you, stop being so damn polite!

So, we coffee’d as I tried to keep my eyes open & stay interested in the conversation, but I was a lost cause.
An awkward hug at the parking garage & off we went our separate ways.

The drive home & into the next day I was very melancholy, couldn’t shake the blahs. 
I sensed it had to do with the date, but he was “good on paper” so maybe I was just tired from a hectic week?
He sent some nice texts, shared pics of his afternoon adventure – it made me warm to him a lil more. 

As schedules would have it, he was out of town & I had an event, so it took a couple of weeks to re-connect.
But during that time he kept sharing pics from his trip & staying in touch, which was nice to have someone to chat throughout the day with again here & there.
Turned out he was a phone guy & wanted to talk in evenings.

*Self re-discovery #2 – I am NOT a phone person! If we’re gonna chat, I want it to be on a couch, face to face, esp at the beginning!

You know what, I’m gonna cut this one short ~ dates 2 & 3 again were quite lovely.
He was good a planning cool dates, if only I enjoyed being on them with him.
The melancholy set in after each meet up & I had to admit there was nothing there, listen to your gut when it keeps saying the same thing.

The latest eHarmony connection was been quite fun.
Mid-week 1st date ~ tequila tasting.
Came to my side of town (points!)
Easy conversation. Fun & Funny.
Kissing like teenagers on the street for an hour.
I had a feeling he was going to be my “fun , in the meantime guy”

Spontaneous 2nd date ~ I broke the “Rules” & accepted a dinner date on Sat nite with only a couple of hours notice (*gasp*)
Since I already put him in the FUN category, I figured why stay home on a Sat nite trying to teach him how to respect my time?
I wanted to hang out & he was game – why not?
A fun night!

3rd date ~ relaxing night in with wine.
In conversation & joking he declares he’s not boyfriend material.
Oh, yeah I know. You’ve been in fling category since 2nd date. 
The fun continues.

The next day I can’t shake this blah feeling again.
What is it?
Was it the wine? Is it him? 
I have fun when I’m with him.
It was like I had a heart hangover!

*Self-discovery #3 – you can’t trick yourself in to being ok with a fling when you desire to be in a relationship

We never connected in between our dates ~ no texts, no calls, no “hey, just thinking of ya”
Funny thing was I had no desire to reach out to him either in between seeing him.
I craved the connection, but not with him.
Was the need he was filling enough? Or did I have to get real with myself?

We hung out again. And I got my answer.

In getting real with myself, I learned its easy to revert back to old habits & patterns. 
I could easily slip back into non-commital, non-defined dating ways, but when I used to do that my heart didn’t hurt because I kept it hidden behind many walls.
I’ve worked hard to break down those walls 
& when I allowed myself to feel 
& to fall 
& to be vulnerable, 
I felt the most alive & the most loved.
I felt like each day I was walking on sunshine.
I want to feel that again!
So I have to honor my heart & hold the faith…

Til then, its time to dance!

One week in…

Alright, so we’re through the first week of the new year…how’s it going for you?
Did you make any resolutions?
How’s that goin? 😉

This year I chose to go sans resolutions, in the effort to be honest with myself ~ 
why make promises I’m not gonna keep?
This year on New Year’s day I took an hour to sit down & really get a clear vision of what I’d like to see the year ahead bring.
I let my mind go BIG with what I desire. 
I felt a lightness come over me…a calmness. I felt my angst-ing spirit relax finally!
The potential I see in my year ahead is so exciting & now its up to the daily steps I take to make it a reality! 
One of the things I started doing this new year is to document one second of each day.
I discovered Cesar Kuriyama & his project “1 Second App” on Kickstarter last month & fell in love with this idea!
His project got funded & the app is going to be available soon!! But in the meantime I’m capturing a second each day.
Talk about keeping you present to the moments!
Here’s what the app will look like 🙂
I mean, how cool is it that at the end of the year you’ll have approx a 6 min year in review of your life, in 5 years – 30 mins…in 25 years you can be showing your grandkids a 2 1/2 hour movie of your life ~ so cool!!!!

Check our Cesar’s video story to be inspired too ~ 1Second App  

I enjoy the freshness a year brings, the feeling of new opportunities, new beginnings & this week did not disappoint!
Do you ever get that nausceous feeling when a big decision is needing to be made? Yep, right on schedule the quesy stomach snuck up on me & really got me thinking.
I was being faced with deciding this year’s growth for Ch*Armz & I could go safe and steady, which was working, showing increases in profit OR I could push myself out of my comfort zone, which involves some financial riskiness…oh my stomach.
If I was being truly honest with myself, I had lost the “fun” I had been having with Ch*Armz ~ the business side was pulling me down, scaring me & wanting me to keep it safe
~ the creative side was dying to play with new ideas, but is it too risky???!

I knew deep down I needed to make myself uncomfortable, get scared, get creative & get back to having fun!!! So here I go!!!
My mind hasn’t stopped racing with ideas since, it so exciting!! I’ll keep you in the loop of the journey 🙂

Another fun lil thing I’m up to that I want to share (for all my single gals especially) comes from a suggestion of a good friend ~ I don’t know where she hides those wings of her’s but she is an angel among us! 🙂
Over the years, she’s listened to my dating woes & has been especially supportive lately as I go through my first real heartbreak. As we sipped our tea last month, she suggested I start a gratitude journal.
Not just any gratitude journal, but one giving thanks daily for my future partner. Finding daily appreciation in him & in us as a couple, giving thanks for what is coming, in an essence calling it/him into being.
The shift I have felt has been so freeing from my gloom.
I can truly see he exists, that we exist!

Each day prepares me more for all that I dream
Happy new beginnings

My journal

Now, I’m off to swing dance lessons ~ do what you enjoy!!!
Have a great week!!

Happy New Year ~ 2013!!

Well, another new year is among us ~ happy 2013 to you!!
Were you glad to see 2012 go? Anxious to see what lies ahead?
I gotta say I think I’m ready for a new start…

2012 started off on a high note & it did pretty good for about 1/2 it’s stay for me. How about you?

I got to thinking a new year deserves a new blog!
I’ve missed sharing my stories with you! So here we are ~ “Insights at 39”
Ok, ok, ok I’m sure some of you are saying, but you’re not 39, Carlie…ok, yes that’s true today, but since the bday isn’t far off, I figured I’d round up (majority of months rule).
Well, then why bother with the age in the title, you ask?
I like it. I like the journey of time & acknowledging where I am, where I’ve been & how far I’ve come.
I was out with a friend over the holidays & he suggested the title “Wisdom at 39”, based on all that I’ve learned up til know…hmmmm yeah, it sounds good, & I guess I have learned alot… if only I felt wise 😉
Until I own my wisdom, you’re stuck with my insights.
Here we go!

Maybe to start this off, I’ll give a lil re-cap of what’s been going on since we last chatted & then it can be all about going forward!
(If you need a bit of a 2012 refresher, check out http://firstloveat37.blogspot.com/ )

When I last left you, I was doing pretty good, back in my groove (aside from the attack of the ticking clock syndrome).
And its so true about what they say, when things are going well in your life, your energy begins radiating higher, & good things can’t help but come your way.
And they were!
Work was steady & flowing to me, my business was picking up speed, I met a handsome boy (more on him shortly), I was even feeling so good, I contacted my ex!
Groove was on!

Back to the boy ~ 
It was martini night ~ my girlfriend & I finally, after several attempts, both found ourselves free on a Friday night, so it was time to catch up over the classic cocktail (or two).
There he was across the bar. 
I caught him glancing my way out of the corner of my eye. 
I blushed.
I could hear my lil voice saying “smile, make eye contact, hold it for a few seconds, oh & breathe!!”
So much harder than it sounds when one is out of practice & the gentleman is wearing glasses (have I mentioned my affinity for men in glasses?)
I managed a coy smile eventually once the martini arrived, but when I looked down & then back, he was gone!
Thankfully my friend noticed his party had arrived for dinner… ah phew.
Well, I knew we were going no where fast, we’ll wait him out 😉
Turns out, he beat me to the punch & came up from behind to compliment me on my smile.
Awwwww, swooning…& smiling
And like that he was gone, back to his business dinner, no name…nothing! (well, except for having points for having a JOB!!!!)
My faithful wing-gal caught him & brought him back to the table for proper introductions, flirtations & number exchanges. 
A tentative date set.

It was fun to feel the rush of butterflies again,  flush with excitement of possibilities.
To hear the tweet of a text & get giddy it may be from him.

Now having been an online dater of late, I’m used to getting a whole resume of likes/dislikes, job status, etc…what did I know about this guy??? It was odd, yet refreshing  to go on a date with a complete stranger.
We met for drinks the next week on Halloween, post-work & costume-free 😉
Which led to a dinner date that Saturday.
Funny thing about a guy who talks alot is that he can talk you right out of dating him, if you’re actually listening.
Well, at least I was back in the saddle again!

I dabbled back into the online world, and started chatting with another spectacled gentleman, who loved to email about his naps, text about his naps, & even talk about his naps post-nap interruption due to my call…yeah, I’m not a napper…

During this time, I was back chatting with my ex, seeing if we could do the friendship thing. I had missed him in my daily life & it was great to be reconnecting.
He had been taking his stabs at the dating world & had been seeing a woman for a couple of months.
It was good, I was glad he was out getting the taste of what he said he needed & wanted.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I smiled a lil inside when he exclaimed it wasn’t easy out there.
He did find an appreciation for the easiness that was “us”.

When he was having some relationship troubles, I stupidly let him confide in me. 
Boy did I learn my lesson!!
When he initially broke it off with me in July, I was heart broken, but I understood his need for this journey. I didn’t want a man who was wondering what he was missing. 
I wanted a man who knew he wanted to be with me.
So I could bounce back from that, I left that relationship feeling like I had been loved.

I should never have opened the door back up.

When I heard the stories of how ugly this woman was acting & how he kept wanting to be with her, all I could hear was how un-lovable I must have been.
He’s fighting to be with a wretched woman & yet he could so easily walk away from me?
Ahhhh aha, I get it now ~ it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be in a relationship, 
he just didn’t want to be in one with me.

The thoughts swirl through my head everyday ~ whats wrong with me? am I that unlovable? what makes her more special than me? how can I change? how can I become someone to love?
I fight them, but they’re there.

I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a rough holiday season, but I’m sitting here writing this on New Year’s Day, so I have survived!!!

On my last night back in Colorado, all of us Gabbert ladies got together ~ 
we painted,
 we drank, 
 we laughed, 
& from a blank canvas we each created “Lover’s Lane”.
I painted my future & I’m looking forward to that rainy day!!

(maaaaybe there is still a lil hopeless romantic left in me)
While there is doubt in my heart at the moment, I am trusting that will fade.
I’m witnessing the love that surrounds me & I am looking forward to seeing what the new year holds…stay tuned

**while not a fervent believer in horoscopes, this 2013 one gave me a smile & if I follow its instructions, should give me much fodder for this blog 😉
Pisces: Dynamic
As the most romantic sign of all, you’re prone to having extreme expectations when it comes to love. The first half of this year is about you getting serious — what do you really want for yourself? Date as much as you can to find out, because this summer will bring on a one-year wave of ardent love interests. Be prepared to consider some serious relationship prospects — but your rose-colored glasses must stay in your pocket, not on your nose, if you want to be successful. For you, clarity is key in 2013. 

Happy New Year