Category Archives: 1st dates

The Weekly Date Roundup!

Posted in 1st dates, eharmony, Find Love Now, First Love at 37, Love, Marni Battista, second dates, Tinder, vulnerable, year of dating fearlessly by
Ok, I’ve got a lil confession to make ~
I stayed in the shallow end for another week.

On the Tuesday morning of the scheduled 2nd date with the Librarian I woke with a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.
The first thoughts one has when they wake up should not be dread for the upcoming evening’s date.
Which in turn caused me to argue with myself about not “being open”, closing off, yada yada ~ you can imagine this delightful conversation while still laying in bed, geez I mean what a way to start the day off…
And of course I couldn’t just drop it, I kept chattering to myself about it all morning.
Do I trust my gut?
Is my gut just acting like a silly lil girl?
If I’m feeling this way, is it even possible go into the date “open” to anything positive?
If I cancel, am I letting myself down?
How will I ever learn if I avoid experiences?
Am I avoiding?

This could go on & on, but I’ll spare you & just say
I cancelled the date.

I felt better physically after that,
but mentally I just felt safe (& not in a good way).
I was thankful for a busy week/weekend of ahead of work & time with friends that I could just throw myself in to…

Then while at a conference my perspective shifted.
I was busy still being right about how I handled the situation as told my tale to the ladies on Friday evening, but by some point Saturday afternoon I knew I needed to return his call & accept the 2nd 2nd date offer.
We had a fun, flirty conversation over the phone & set up for drinks on Monday.
I was open & excited.

Its hard to pinpoint exactly what caused the shift, but I knew if he directly asked 
why I didn’t feel we were a match, my answer would only reflect my 
fears of being vulnerable, not valid reasons.
It is the Year of Dating Fearlessly, time to walk the talk!

I am currently living in a new space of freedom as I am not employed full time on a tv series. Sure this brings up a lil anxiety financially, but it has also opened up an amazing window to live my life balanced & do things I enjoy!
So while the prior week was a mix of work & play, this last week was a week of play, which all focused around multiple dates & living creatively.
Totally awesome!

Monday night was the Canadian Librarian’s turn again & I was ready.

 I felt open to the adventure of getting to know him this time. We met for drinks at the Roosevelt Hotel, which has such a great old-Hollywood ambience. 
Yes we still debated & argued pretty much over every topic, but it was kinda fun. He is quite smart.

Due to a car issue of his, our date was in his neighborhood, which I didn’t mind since he chose a cool locale. Oh & by the way I got him to man up & actually plan the date instead of him putting it on me 😉

Since I was enjoying his company this round, when he suggested a night cap at his place, I figured why not, it seemed a lil early to cut the date short.
You’d think I’d be dating savvy enough to expect what he had in mind & I did, but I was amazed at how quick the moves happened! Damn!
Well, I’ll just say I got more practice in setting my boundaries.
I never blame a guy for trying, it in their DNA.
But by gosh, if it’s one thing I’ll rock at by the end in the dating game, it will be stating my needs & setting my boundaries!
Practice on!

3rd date is pending, as he’s out of town for the next week…
So while the cat’s away, this mouse is playing.

Date #2 for the week was a 1st date with a Cop from eHarmony.
Wasn’t sure how I felt about dating a cop cop, but his profile seemed interesting, pics were handsome, tall(!) & get this, lived only a block from me – that NEVER happens in LA!
He seemed to be a very “to the point” type of guy, not much for chatter about frivolous things, so I wasn’t sure what to expect connection-wise…
Staying open.
The plan was to meet at the Americana, a local open air mall with a ton of options, which was good since I didn’t know if it was dinner? Drinks? Coffee? A stroll?
Our meeting spot was to be at the large fountain in the center.
He had let me know he was already there, and as I get to the fountain, I’m looking around, all I see are families & couples, 
not a single man in sight.
Then I get this feeling I’m being watched.
I spin around, am I blind? I know he’s here…then I see a lone figure in the shadows along the wall of the Apple store – is that him? I can tell that person sees me looking at him, but I get no acknowledgment. I keep scanning the crowd, but move his direction, really hoping this wasn’t my date.
It was. In full stakeout mode.

I had visions of the Det. Stabler-style detective from Law & Order: SVU & I ended up with Sipowicz from NYPD Blue, minus the mustache.

I will never understand using old, inaccurate photos, it helps neither party involved.
Ok, so off to an awkward start from the get-go. We make a lap around the mall, with no plan forming. I’ll admit to expecting a cop to be the take charge type of guy, but I was wrong.
After one loop, we found ourselves at the corner facing a new restaurant, who’s signage is quite illegible, so I was commenting on that & wondered if he had been there or knew of it, trying to guide us somewhere.
We cross over, the menu seemed good, cool vibe but he wasn’t showing an interest.
He did finally suggest dinner if I was hungry & offered up the Indian restaurant next store.
There’s an Indian restaurant next door?
Apparently…in the basement.
Down the stairs we went to the completely empty, sparsely decorated Indian restaurant.
As we were the only customers there, we did get impeccable service & lucky for us we were in time for the early bird specials, so he ordered us a beer – to share!
Dinner was uneventful. 
I noticed early on he wasn’t ever making direct eye contact, so I started making it a game – he actually looked me in the eyes only 4 times!
He asked a lot about my experience with eHarmony. Then the past relationship questions came up.
Here is where I have to work on owning my limited relationship experience past. 
I need to devise a good response that that doesn’t leave me defending 
the “what’s wrong with you?” question. 
So I haven’t had a ton of long-term relationships, maybe that’s a good thing! 
Stop asking me why. 

We walked back to the Americana post-dinner & found seats by the fountain, where he then states “how stupid are the people who watch this, its just water, so lame”.
I LOVE THE DANCING WATER FOUNTAIN!!!
Its mesmerizing, its magical, its dancing freakin-water  – its beauty found in the most ordinary thing combined with the emotion of music – how can you not love it?
Thankfully he was “fading”, looked at his watch & at 7:48pm on a Friday night, we called time of death.

Date #3 sprung up kinda quickly.

Thursday evening while letting a girlfriend play Cyrano with my Tinder app, she reached out to Beach Guy.
Friday he & I are chatting. 
Turns out he’s from Manhattan Beach, but is passing through my area Saturday afternoon, so a coffee meet & greet it is.
Perfect lil squeeze in before my date that evening.
High energy, very talkative.
We both admit to the distance as an issue but are willing to give it a shot one more time, see if there’s anything…
why not, right? Fearless!
Date night this Wednesday…

Ahhhhh Date #4, the one I’ve been looking forward to happening, finally materialized –  Mr Second Time Around made a second appearance!
Funny thing about women, or well at least me, I don’t quite pick up where we left off if it’s been over a month. We had a lot of chemistry on our 1st date,
 but as the weeks went by I kinda forgot what it felt like. Its gotta be built back up.
So, when his texts were all sexual & he wanted to start the date at my place where we left off last, I knew more boundary practice was coming, sigh…

Traffic was looking bad between our places, which according to him was due to the Ducks-Kings game at Dodger Stadium. 
I wondered how gullible he thought I was, hockey at a baseball field??? 
Um yeah, turns out he was right…but of course I didn’t believe him until I saw for myself. 
Once he arrived I was quickly reminded of our chemistry. A breather needed to be taken, so to cool off  we decided to go grab some beers at the local brewery & watch the game

It was a fun date. I really enjoy hanging out with him, but I think that was probably it.
Between his boys & work, I get the impression a relationship falls low on the priority list…too bad, but I can’t settle for crumbs…

I’m a lil exhausted from a power week of dating. 
All nice guys. Any matches? We’ll see…
xoxo

2013 ~ a Dating Year in Review

Posted in 1st dates, 2013, Best of, faith in dating, First Love at 37, happiness, Happy New Year, Love, online dating by
Ahhhhh, as promised the “Best of 2013”
Seems like everyone is compiling their lists of “Top 10 _________ of 2013”, so I figured why not give a shout out to all the fun this year of dating has brought!
I chose my order of ranking not by the men & our compatibility, but on the experience of our time together…some were a blip, some short & sweet, other’s I at least remember their name 😉
Here we go…

#10. Didn’t Have to Leave my Couch Guy ~
ok, I’ll admit I did get off the couch to do my happy dance when he stood me up! 
We met at speed dating, got the email “we’re a match”, the texting began, which led to the phone call to plan our date, or so I thought…it actually turned into an hour & 1/2 whine-fest about his life, saved by my “dying” battery we left it in his court to pick our restaurant & was never heard from again – YES!! Cracked open a bottle of wine & had the best date in with myself!

#9. The Napper ~
You gotta wonder when at some point in every conversation we had he talks about his naps – how often is this guy awake? I woke him up one too many times…

#8. The Sext-er ~
the 1st Tinder casualty, he had the amazing talent of turning every conversation sexual, even when I’d call him out on it, he’d slide right into sext-er mode.
We never even made it to voice-on-voice contact…

#7. Slouching Buddha ~
the name says it all

#6. Mr. Accent ~
ok, we all know I’m a sucker for an accent, especially a British one, throw in tall, wears glasses & is an artist, I was a goner…
if only we had found common interests to share, oh & I wasn’t bored out of my mind…cheerio

#5. The Nice Guy ~
what can I say, he was a very nice guy…just not “my” nice guy. Thank you for some lovely evenings! There’s a nice gal out there for you 🙂

#4. The Vanisher ~
probably the most enjoyable date of the year conversationally…never to return again

#3. The Cheshire Cat ~
a mixture of characters this gentleman was as he regaled me with tales of his directing feats, for movies of the week are  

 such creative faire. As he puffed on his electric cigarette, the red glow was all I could see…was he? Could he be? The hookah-smoking Caterpillar? Or, no wait! I recognize that floating grin, for its the Cheshire Cat in the dark corner of the hipster bar Wonderland…

#2. Mr. Fun ~
I like to refer to him as my “palate cleanser”.
He arrived after a series of blah dates & invigorated my dating spirit! Lots of laughs, 
a great kisser & quite the tequila connoisseur – ole!

Drum rollllllllll please…
& the #1 spot for best date experience 2013 goes toooooooo

#1. Mr. A.D.D. ~
what can I say? You never know whats gonna happen next! 
From impromptu drinks to elegant dining, racing through the city streets on the back of his bike to warm & cozy by the fire…fun & exciting, yet lacking focused connection, but hey I can focus in other areas…let’s get on the bike & go! Such a rush!

So there you have it ~ the top 10 men of 2013!

On the line-up for 2014 ~ warming up in the on deck circle…
Our conversations (email/text/phone) have been had, 
now its down to in person…batter up!

Here’s their stats ~
The Librarian ~ new in town, this Canadian librarian has blue eyes & book smarts…I could get lost in this combo.
The Restauranteur ~ genuine smile, witty & quite charming…only thing is – he sounds exactly like my gay boyfriend Marc on the phone…let’s hope in person he’s straight!
The 2nd Time Around Guy ~ a few years out of his divorce, 2 teenage kids, seems stable, had a great 1st date, makes me laugh…we’ll see 🙂

While it looks like I’ll have to wait another year to experience my 1st New Year’s Eve kiss,
I have a really great feeling about the year ahead!!
And sure, there may still be some frogs along the way, but the romantic in me believes love might just be around the corner…

Until then I wish you all a happy, healthy & wonderful 2014!!!
I leave you with one of my all-time favorite “feel good” movie scenes ~ enjoy!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!
xo,
Carlie

Self-discoveries…

Posted in 1st dates, 2013, eharmony, faith in dating, finding my happiness, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Katrina & the Waves, Love, Tinder by

Ok, time to give you some updates!
And boy, its been a while ~ life just got going & I hopped on for the ride!
Figured I’d live in the moment, feel it, breathe it & digest it 
before I began rambling on about it…

So the latest batch of gentlemen callers come courtesy of eHarmony.
The jury is still out on their “scientific” matching system, 
but I’m a sucker for all their happy couple photos & believed that, I too, could become 
one half of those sticky sweet smiling couples.
(it’s funny too because I can realize how styled these ads are, hell I should work on these ads dressing the couples, 
but I STILL love to believe this is how bright & sunny they are in life)

Now there’s many, many rounds of “communication” on this site.
1st ~ 5 multiple choice questions to answer
Next up, is your list of like & dislikes in a mate
Thirdly, a round of answering 3 questions chosen by perspective date
&
Finally, if you pass all rounds, you can actually email each other!

I will admit to getting a lil lazy in rounds #1-3 (I know, that’s horrible!)
But I’ve found my solid stock questions I want answers to, so I ping-pong the steps right back to them…
I’ve found that the men tend to give the shortest answer possible when it comes to the type your own response portion (shocking, right?!)
So I find myself just wanting to get through all the hoopla & get out on the date in person to see if they can really communicate.

Which is exactly why I wonder about this “matching” system! 
How scientific can it really be?
And if I’m not paying attention to all the steps in detail, maybe I should hop on a less detail-orientated site???
A friend, who’s having success, has recommended I check out Tinder…
Trusted readers ~ have any of you tried it? I need references besides his.
He compares it to “seeing someone across the room at a party that you find attractive” & this gives you a way to let them know.
I call BS on that &  think it just feeds to men’s visual nature w/o wanting to delve deeper.
But in all honesty too, I’m HORRIBLE meeting strangers at a party I’m attracted too, I get all tongue tied & twisted. I lose my words & come off as shy or snobbish,
either way my 1st impressions may not get me far…

Woah, got way sidetracked there…but as you probably have gathered by now my eHarmony matches have not quite been made in heaven.
Let’s summarize…

First we met the British guy. 
He was tall. Wore glasses (such a sucker for a guy in glasses). Had an accent!
Designed cars for Hot Wheels, figured he’s got a creative side, which is very cool.
First date was lovely. Rooftop dinner downtown. City lights. Cocktails. Pretty good conversation once I could sense him relaxing.
Drinks lead to going for coffee, which was not the best plan.
I was exhausted & should’ve called the date done instead of going for coffee, but I didn’t.

*Self-discovery #1 – listen to your gut, its knows whats right for you, stop being so damn polite!

So, we coffee’d as I tried to keep my eyes open & stay interested in the conversation, but I was a lost cause.
An awkward hug at the parking garage & off we went our separate ways.

The drive home & into the next day I was very melancholy, couldn’t shake the blahs. 
I sensed it had to do with the date, but he was “good on paper” so maybe I was just tired from a hectic week?
He sent some nice texts, shared pics of his afternoon adventure – it made me warm to him a lil more. 

As schedules would have it, he was out of town & I had an event, so it took a couple of weeks to re-connect.
But during that time he kept sharing pics from his trip & staying in touch, which was nice to have someone to chat throughout the day with again here & there.
Turned out he was a phone guy & wanted to talk in evenings.

*Self re-discovery #2 – I am NOT a phone person! If we’re gonna chat, I want it to be on a couch, face to face, esp at the beginning!

You know what, I’m gonna cut this one short ~ dates 2 & 3 again were quite lovely.
He was good a planning cool dates, if only I enjoyed being on them with him.
The melancholy set in after each meet up & I had to admit there was nothing there, listen to your gut when it keeps saying the same thing.

The latest eHarmony connection was been quite fun.
Mid-week 1st date ~ tequila tasting.
Came to my side of town (points!)
Easy conversation. Fun & Funny.
Kissing like teenagers on the street for an hour.
I had a feeling he was going to be my “fun , in the meantime guy”

Spontaneous 2nd date ~ I broke the “Rules” & accepted a dinner date on Sat nite with only a couple of hours notice (*gasp*)
Since I already put him in the FUN category, I figured why stay home on a Sat nite trying to teach him how to respect my time?
I wanted to hang out & he was game – why not?
A fun night!

3rd date ~ relaxing night in with wine.
In conversation & joking he declares he’s not boyfriend material.
Oh, yeah I know. You’ve been in fling category since 2nd date. 
The fun continues.

The next day I can’t shake this blah feeling again.
What is it?
Was it the wine? Is it him? 
I have fun when I’m with him.
It was like I had a heart hangover!

*Self-discovery #3 – you can’t trick yourself in to being ok with a fling when you desire to be in a relationship

We never connected in between our dates ~ no texts, no calls, no “hey, just thinking of ya”
Funny thing was I had no desire to reach out to him either in between seeing him.
I craved the connection, but not with him.
Was the need he was filling enough? Or did I have to get real with myself?

We hung out again. And I got my answer.

In getting real with myself, I learned its easy to revert back to old habits & patterns. 
I could easily slip back into non-commital, non-defined dating ways, but when I used to do that my heart didn’t hurt because I kept it hidden behind many walls.
I’ve worked hard to break down those walls 
& when I allowed myself to feel 
& to fall 
& to be vulnerable, 
I felt the most alive & the most loved.
I felt like each day I was walking on sunshine.
I want to feel that again!
So I have to honor my heart & hold the faith…

Til then, its time to dance!
xo

Day by day, date by date…

Posted in 1st dates, eharmony, finding my happiness, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, Love, new beginnings, okcupid, online dating, smile, trusting your gut by

Well, the last time we chatted I was on the debate of taking some time off from dating, 
yet somehow my actions weren’t quite matching my words…
With a lot of long hours on set & down time between set-ups, I found myself checking out profile after profile.
And even thought my heart wasn’t in it, I was going through the motions, 
pretty much on auto-pilot.
Tired of being alone, I guess I wanted to feel like I was “taking action”, 
not just sitting by waiting for life to happen, for love to cross my path by pure luck, but yet I was numb as I scrolled from one to the next.

Knowing I wasn’t quite enjoying the process, a fellow single girlfriend on set joined my search & thought she’d find him for me ~ why not? Outside opinions could be great, right?  Maybe she’ll see the diamond in the rough.
We got on a clicking flurry, which could easily go so many ways ~ from good, to bad, to ugly ~especially since they can see when you’ve visited their profile…

Well, I got a live one!
Sent me message like he was answering a question (which I hadn’t asked) & in my “eh” state, I answered…mistake #1.
Responding to his 3rd message, (after ignoring message #2), at midnight on a Friday night while sitting on set AND giving him my #…mistake #2.
Responding to his 7am text & 10 am follow-up voice mail…mistake #3
Who knows why I was shocked when he kept texting even after I said I was busy & would call later… silly me.
But the kicker was when he asked for me to send him a photo for his phone ~
& we hadn’t even spoke to each other yet!!!!
Oh, & he was sure to send me one. His aggressiveness & eagerness rendered him very unattractive in my book.
Now, I’ve been told by some that it is completely normal to ask for pics (really?, I mean really?)
Men are visual…they want to be sure you’re profile pics are true…whatever the excuse, I was CREEPED out!!
Went with my gut, cancelled our date for the next day & wished him well…

Things HAD to change! 
So, I deleted my okcupid account & headed towards the greener pastures of the “scientific matching system” of eharmony.
Kinda going with the rationale that if they’re willing to pay for a subscription, they must be ready for a real relationship, and if anything else it’s a new audience.
We’ll see…
The last time I tried eharmony, a lil over 2 years ago, they told me they had no matches for me & to try back later.
And while yes, I appreciated their honesty & not taking my money for nothing, 
it did sting a bit to hear there was nobody for me.
But its 2 years later…
I’m a new woman…I’m hopeful!

And quality matches have been coming in – phew!! 
I think my meat eating tendencies deterred the Vegan. 
The Science Professor & I had very little to talk about.
But thankfully the matching game continues…

And to keep things fresh, friends have been sending potential mates my way too.
Who knows you better & wants to see you happy more than your friends, right?

The 1st fix-up was fun. A great guy.
Made me laugh. Found him very attractive.
But,
he wasn’t looking for a relationship. 
Likes his life how it is.
I admire that awareness & candidness up front.

The 2nd friend intro/re-connection is quite a cool guy.
Had a blast chatting the night away with him 
& look forward to getting to know him more! 🙂
(*I’ll be honest I’m nervous writing about him, as he could read this & I haven’t mentioned my blog to him yet. I like being able to open up about my thoughts & feelings and will have to figure out how to do this if he’s going to read)

On another exciting fun note, I’ve been invited to be a “practice date” this weekend 
for a group of men who are working on their dating skills.
I love it!
I cannot wait to be practiced on, hear what they’ve been taught, & get their insights ~ I think it will be a pretty insightful night, to say the least!! 😉

I guess its been a busy coupla weeks now that I look back on it,
the good mojo is starting to flow again & I have some really good feelings about what’s coming!!
Til next time, xo

God Bless Pie

Posted in 1st dates, dating, faith in dating, Find Love Now, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, how bout we, Keats, Liz Lemon, Love, new beginnings, okcupid, online dating, summer love, summer of yes by
Ahhhhh, a new week has begun, what adventures lie ahead???

I will say, it is off to a great start!!
I know I’m always telling you stories as I look for love, but I’ve gotta share this high I’m on tonight ~
Earlier today I had some big decisions to make with my upcoming collection for Ch*Armz, of course the creative side of the decision process was fun (I love that part!) but when it came down to all the other stuff, I was spinning out in my head.
I did not want to freeze & over-think, but yet I’ve gotta think it through…how much is too much when it comes to thinking?
My gut knew I was on the right path, I just needed to keep reminding my feet to take one step, then another. It was time for action instead of analyzation.
And I did, I took action!
I sit here with a living room full of fabric I adore & now I’m looking at the next step.
Today showed me I do have faith in myself & in my abilities.

I am giddy at the thought of the next few months as I challenge myself to step outside of my fears & believe in me!
My “safe” life is great, but I have dreams for it to be bigger & I can make it bigger!

And of course this pertains to love too!!
I’m working on pushing through my fears of getting hurt & being vulnerable again, believing I’m enough & lovable, but it’s not always easy…

Take for instance, Guy #4.
I should’ve known when he booked the date & said “let’s do early on Friday (7p) before we get our night’s started”.
I hate to say it, but he was my Friday night. 
It may be the romantic in me, but even if we say we’re just meeting for drinks, I like to keep the evening open to the possibility of anything, we may hit it off, decide to have dinner, talk for hours, who knows…end up at the beach with our toes in the sand.
OR home 45 minutes later with a box salad & Liz Lemon.

We met at Golden Road Brewery, which is a great casual spot, if you’re a beer drinker, which he is not. Odd choice of venue. He ordered wine.
They have the communal dining experience, so our 1st date was joined 2 other couples & a family of 3, nice & intimate 😉
Once we got our drinks & squeezed ourselves into a table, the stand-up routine began.
I thought he was a producer/sax player/movie critic, now we’re adding comedian to the mix?
Oh boy!
Oh & he’s also a baker, which may have been what lured me on the date to be honest 😉

So, we get to talking about baked goods & here comes the schtick.
He’s talking about the “Republic of Pies” somewhere in the Valley, 
my interest is piqued, what’s on the menu, where is it, etc…& he gets rolling with its more of a “dictatorship of pies”, no wait its an “oligarchy of pies”…is it, is it an oligarchy? he asks….& PULLS OUT HIS PHONE, gotta Google this…yep, yep its an”Oligarchy of Pies”
He’s cracking himself up. I wince, fake chuckle & gulp my beer. 

And in a blink of an eye our mini date was done, he had dinner plans.
Points for at least paying for my drink, but they were quickly lost as he couldn’t even walk me 3 cars past his to mine.
I like when they make it clear as day that you’d never like to see them again.
Next…

I will say I’m glad Guys 1-4 have gotten me back out there; they’ve introduced me to some great restaurants, lounges & cuisine.
They have also shown me I need to tune back in to what type of partner I’m looking for & not be so eager to just get to the date.
I want the dates to be fun & be something I look forward to…
I look forward to the endless conversations, the holding hands, the laughing & the sharing as we get to know each other…

I’m diving back in the sea to find my fish.
Guaranteed more stories to follow 😉

In the meantime, I’m curling up with some love letters & great stories.
In a recent trip to Ojai with Mom, we came across this amazing outdoor book store, Bart’s Books.
We got lost in there for hours. Mom in reflexology. Me in great love stories of the past.   

 I found an interesting biography of JFK & Jackie’s love & life together that I couldn’t resist getting, I want behind the story of Camelot. Plus its an old hard cover book, just like good ole library days. It feels so weird to turn actual pages! I love it!

And as I dug through stacks of books, I was drawn to Keats & his love letters to Fanny Brawne…awww the beauty of words!

Look at that gaze!

13 October, 1819

“…My sweet Fanny, will your heart never change? My love, will it? I have no limit to my love now….Your note came in just here. I cannot be happier away from you. ‘Tis richer than an Argosy of Pearles. Do not threaten me in jest. I have been astonished that Men could die Martyrs for religion – I have shudder’d at it. I shudder no more – I could be martyr’d for my Religion – Love is my religion – I could die for that. I could die for you. My Creed is Love and you are its only tenet. You have ravish’d me away by a Power I cannot resist; and yet I could resist til I saw you; and even since I have seen you I have endeavoured often ‘to reason against the reason of my Love.’ I can do no more – the pain would be too great. I cannot breathe without you.
                                                                                                                  Yours for ever
                                                                                                                        John Keats

And on that note…
xo

Flipping the Switch

Posted in 1st dates, First Love at 37, hopeless romantic, how bout we, Love, okcupid, online dating, smile, summer dresses, summer love, summer of yes by
Have you ever gotten so into autopilot mode that you didn’t even realize you had your bra on as you got in the shower?
No? Really?
Well, I was deep into that mode & it seriously took that act of silly thoughtlessness to shake me awake!

Two weeks into a hiatus from a grueling work schedule, I’m beginning to gain momentum back in to MY LIFE.
And by “my life”, I mean having time to process a thought, to actually think about how I feel about something, taste the flavor of foods & savor them, 
listen to music & dance, read a book & not fall asleep after the 1st page.
Experiencing vs. just existing.
I’m reconnecting to what I like, finding again who I am.

And it feels good!
So good that I’m ready to kick autopilot’s a** & make some changes!

Two summers ago a friend took on a “summer of yes”.
Life had gotten to a spot where it needed a lil shaking up, some newness needed injecting.
So she decided to say YES to any & all opportunities that came her way.
She invited friends to connect her to others, widening her social & dating circles.
As she opened herself up, the Universe responded with amazing opportunities.
In these past 2 years, I’ve witnessed so many blessings come into her life, 
from love & family to consistent creative job opportunities.
Its been so cool to watch!
She didn’t sit back & wish for it, or use the “Secret” & wait for it to arrive,  she made a conscious decision that shifted her energy & within that shift the energy keeps gaining momentum.

So, of course when you witness transformations like this do you really want to sit by & watch your life stay the same????
Me neither!!!

I pumped her for info ~ how do you do it? what are the rules? do I always, always have to say yes? 
My “over-achiever good student” mode kicked in, I mean I wanted to do this right, get that A+, win the man of my dreams, travel, play, you name it, it could all become my reality…of course that’s not how it works exactly, there’s no “do this & voila happiness”
Its a journey of yeses.

So far I’ve learned old habits are hard to break.
And she’s called me on it!
I didn’t even realize I was saying no!!
Damn Autopilot…hit the switch, eject eject!
Of course, I argued & wanted to be right, blaming a sad mood.
Thank god she argues back 🙂

Now that’ve started feeling like me again, I have consciously made the decision to say

I flipped the switch to yes on Monday
& I am in awe of the changes that have already happened in 4 days!!

I decided I needed to shake up the online dating arena & joined
“How Bout We…” (thanks to her pointing it out as a yes action since she saw me wavering on it due to cost) 
It’s a cool site where you throw out a date suggestion & see who bites.
I like the concept – alot!
No hiding behind computer screens for endless rounds of emails.
Just getting out there & dating! Yeah!

 They always say dating is a numbers game, so its time to play!

So far 2 different dates this week have happened & several conversations planning dates are on-going.

I have got to learn how to juggle multiple guys!! Quick!
One guy called the other night, & thank god he said which site he was from, with a quick run to the laptop to reference profiles, I was up to speed to keep on chatting.

Things I have learned so far: 
by saying yes to a wider age range there is definitely different protocols,
30-something guys seem to text only 
& are more spontaneous in date planning – (ding) text: hey, in your area, what are you up to?
Late 40’s-50yr old guys, call for the most part & texts are reserved for sending addresses of meet-up locale,
They also prefer early evening dates…

I’m learning so much 😉

Met Date #1 this week at a cool lounge in the Valley, which I hadn’t been to before (definitely one fun part is finding new spots about town!).
So the entrance was in the back alley,
it was very dark inside,
& he came wearing a baseball hat…hmmmmm 
Totally fine date, nice conversation.
As we walked back out in to the bright daylight, out came the words (from both of us)
“that was fun. this is great. we should do it again some time”
Totally Chandler Bing-ed it!!
Pretty sure we both walked away thinking we’ll never see each other again 🙂

Date guy #2 was earlier tonight ~
he picked a really cool spot downtown (another new intro to me).
Drinks turned in to dinner, which turned into coffee after
(I forgot to get decaf, hence my chattiness)
Had a really good time.
And, he’s already followed up for a 2nd date ~ awww yeah!

The good energy is flowing!!
Let the dating games begin!!!

Of course, one of my favorite parts of dating is getting all dressed up for it, especially in summer with all the pretty dress options.
Thought I’d share the go-to 1st date look ~ if you see me out in this, you can probably bet I’m meeting a guy.  
My favorite feel good style is 
a cute colorful dress, cinched at the waist to show those curves 😉


 Worn with an array of shoe options depending on said date’s height (a tall girl has to be prepared in a town of short men). It’s either flat sandals, 2″ sandals or the 3″ heels

And the best accessory, my smile (cheesy, but true, hehe)

Here’s to seeing what fun YES brings!! Cheers
xo