A few days ago I went for a jog around the lake. Did my usual route, started at the same point, headed the direction I always do, doing my creature of habit routine. As I finished up my lap around I decided to go for a second, which I rarely do, but I think the guilt from all the Easter candy I had been binging on brought on a burst of energy to help burn it off before it settled in on my ass.
On the second lap around, I decided to switch directions, needing to change my view if I was not going to be painfully aware of every step ahead. Gotta say, it worked! As I hit the last stretch I saw this sign (pictured above) behind the fence, a fence I’ve jogged & walked along a lot lately. It has obviously been there for a while, I mean weeds have had time to grow through it, but somehow only now was the first time I noticed it. I love how a simple step of changing directions can change your experience & even your point of view.
Nothing is coincidence. I do believe opportunities & signs show up when we are meant to see them, when they will have meaning in our lives.
Lemme be honest, I’ve been struggling with putting up a post lately. I’ve been bouncing around an idea for the “Joys of being Single”, but nothing was coming…sure, I had a couple of ‘joys’ to add to the list like ~ not having to shave your legs everyday, or being able to curl up in bed with your iPad at midnight & watch the “How I Met Your Mother” finale ~ but the truth is I don’t enjoy being single. I’ve spent about 99% of my life single, I have it down pat…
A lil too much so…
Since changing directions helped my view at the lake, I figured why not take that as a sign to change my focus and stop trying to convince myself to find the joy, but rather ask questions & delve deeper into the direction I do want to go ~ in to a relationship!
It was recently brought to my attention that I find fault with every man I date…but, c’mon I am dating in LA…all kidding aside though, he was right. I’ve got the whole routine down pretty good by now ~ there’s usually 2-3 dates, things are ok, no real sparks, but it could be worse. I start to squirm, sure that the longer he hangs out with me the sooner he’s going to want to go find someone else more interesting, soooo I find excuses why he won’t work & I disappear…only to begin the cycle again.
I want to get off this merry-go-round & I need your help!
As you know I’ve only had one kinda serious relationship in my life, and while it happened in my late 30’s, I figure I’m the emotional age of a post-adolescent. I have fallen in love & experienced my first heartbreak, which seems to be high school age, on average for most. So seeing as my ‘relationship growth & experience’ may be stunted, I’d like to hear from you & your experiences to help me realize if how I see things is realistic or the view of a wide-eyed teenager.
Help me catch up to speed on dating like a normal 40 year old woman looking for a adult man to share a committed relationship with.
I know I will never experience another love like my first. I am not that naive. It will be very hard to be that free with emotion again. My heart comes guarded now & flinches easily.
My single mind has been whirling with questions, trying to figure out how most seem to fall into relationships so easily… here’s some of what I’m wondering about ~ (feedback greatly appreciated)
*Assuming you’re not with your 1st love (& if you are, cheers on you! I wanna hear all about it!), how was falling in love again? Easier, harder? Different? Better? Did it take you longer to find your next love? Or were you more open after experiencing it?
*Does being previously hurt help you to love with more awareness? Or with more trepidation?
*Do you like your partner? I know you love him/her, but do you guys genuinely like each other’s company? And if so, how long have you been together?
*Do you share similar interests & like to do them together? Or is that asking a lot from your partner? Do you save your interests to be shared with friends instead?
I’ve been told I have too many expectations of how a ‘real’ relationship is & to stop living in a fairy tale. I have been working on bringing no expectations. There has also been talk from friends of pushing me towards the idea of settling for ‘okay’ or ‘good enough’, that it’d be silly to expect more at this stage of the game. I still want to believe in the magic of love, but it could just be the stubborn 16 year old in me wanting to ‘be right’. I need to know from y’all, who are in the trenches of relationships ~ help me see the reality! I do know its not always easy or pretty & I look forward to the messy…but when you were first dating ~ was it a lot of work? Did you enjoy each other at the beginning?
Lately I’ve been enjoying my time away from the online dating world, the freedom from texts, im’s, and emails is so refreshing! And instead of being behind a screen, I’ve actually been going & doing all sorts of things that interest me, figuring I may just meet a real live man with shared likes. So far it has turned out to be a lot fun solo adventures, but I’m not giving up & sitting on my couch just yet.
The other night as I left a story reading event, I had a bit of existentialist angst. One of the writer’s had gotten up & read some of his poems. Now poetry & I have always had a hard time understanding each other, especially in the spoken form (I needs words on paper people!) & being there alone I did not feel comfortable asking anyone to explain it to to me. As I wandered to my car I began to wonder ~ if experiences had, while alone, actually happened if you can’t explain them? I felt very alone as I pondered.
Well, enough from me for now…I leave you with DREAM BIG & BE BRAVE!
I look forward to hearing from you! I know your insights & stories will help make sense of this relationship world. Welcome to my lil course at Love U! xo