Happy New Year ~ 2013!!

Well, another new year is among us ~ happy 2013 to you!!
Were you glad to see 2012 go? Anxious to see what lies ahead?
I gotta say I think I’m ready for a new start…

2012 started off on a high note & it did pretty good for about 1/2 it’s stay for me. How about you?

I got to thinking a new year deserves a new blog!
I’ve missed sharing my stories with you! So here we are ~ “Insights at 39”
Ok, ok, ok I’m sure some of you are saying, but you’re not 39, Carlie…ok, yes that’s true today, but since the bday isn’t far off, I figured I’d round up (majority of months rule).
Well, then why bother with the age in the title, you ask?
I like it. I like the journey of time & acknowledging where I am, where I’ve been & how far I’ve come.
I was out with a friend over the holidays & he suggested the title “Wisdom at 39”, based on all that I’ve learned up til know…hmmmm yeah, it sounds good, & I guess I have learned alot… if only I felt wise 😉
Until I own my wisdom, you’re stuck with my insights.
Here we go!

Maybe to start this off, I’ll give a lil re-cap of what’s been going on since we last chatted & then it can be all about going forward!
(If you need a bit of a 2012 refresher, check out http://firstloveat37.blogspot.com/ )

When I last left you, I was doing pretty good, back in my groove (aside from the attack of the ticking clock syndrome).
And its so true about what they say, when things are going well in your life, your energy begins radiating higher, & good things can’t help but come your way.
And they were!
Work was steady & flowing to me, my business was picking up speed, I met a handsome boy (more on him shortly), I was even feeling so good, I contacted my ex!
Groove was on!

Back to the boy ~ 
It was martini night ~ my girlfriend & I finally, after several attempts, both found ourselves free on a Friday night, so it was time to catch up over the classic cocktail (or two).
There he was across the bar. 
I caught him glancing my way out of the corner of my eye. 
I blushed.
I could hear my lil voice saying “smile, make eye contact, hold it for a few seconds, oh & breathe!!”
So much harder than it sounds when one is out of practice & the gentleman is wearing glasses (have I mentioned my affinity for men in glasses?)
I managed a coy smile eventually once the martini arrived, but when I looked down & then back, he was gone!
Thankfully my friend noticed his party had arrived for dinner… ah phew.
Well, I knew we were going no where fast, we’ll wait him out 😉
Turns out, he beat me to the punch & came up from behind to compliment me on my smile.
Awwwww, swooning…& smiling
And like that he was gone, back to his business dinner, no name…nothing! (well, except for having points for having a JOB!!!!)
My faithful wing-gal caught him & brought him back to the table for proper introductions, flirtations & number exchanges. 
A tentative date set.

It was fun to feel the rush of butterflies again,  flush with excitement of possibilities.
To hear the tweet of a text & get giddy it may be from him.

Now having been an online dater of late, I’m used to getting a whole resume of likes/dislikes, job status, etc…what did I know about this guy??? It was odd, yet refreshing  to go on a date with a complete stranger.
We met for drinks the next week on Halloween, post-work & costume-free 😉
Which led to a dinner date that Saturday.
Funny thing about a guy who talks alot is that he can talk you right out of dating him, if you’re actually listening.
Well, at least I was back in the saddle again!

I dabbled back into the online world, and started chatting with another spectacled gentleman, who loved to email about his naps, text about his naps, & even talk about his naps post-nap interruption due to my call…yeah, I’m not a napper…

During this time, I was back chatting with my ex, seeing if we could do the friendship thing. I had missed him in my daily life & it was great to be reconnecting.
He had been taking his stabs at the dating world & had been seeing a woman for a couple of months.
It was good, I was glad he was out getting the taste of what he said he needed & wanted.
I’d be lying if I didn’t say I smiled a lil inside when he exclaimed it wasn’t easy out there.
He did find an appreciation for the easiness that was “us”.

When he was having some relationship troubles, I stupidly let him confide in me. 
Boy did I learn my lesson!!
When he initially broke it off with me in July, I was heart broken, but I understood his need for this journey. I didn’t want a man who was wondering what he was missing. 
I wanted a man who knew he wanted to be with me.
So I could bounce back from that, I left that relationship feeling like I had been loved.

I should never have opened the door back up.

When I heard the stories of how ugly this woman was acting & how he kept wanting to be with her, all I could hear was how un-lovable I must have been.
He’s fighting to be with a wretched woman & yet he could so easily walk away from me?
Ahhhh aha, I get it now ~ it wasn’t that he didn’t want to be in a relationship, 
he just didn’t want to be in one with me.

The thoughts swirl through my head everyday ~ whats wrong with me? am I that unlovable? what makes her more special than me? how can I change? how can I become someone to love?
I fight them, but they’re there.

I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t a rough holiday season, but I’m sitting here writing this on New Year’s Day, so I have survived!!!

On my last night back in Colorado, all of us Gabbert ladies got together ~ 
we painted,
 we drank, 
 we laughed, 
& from a blank canvas we each created “Lover’s Lane”.
I painted my future & I’m looking forward to that rainy day!!

(maaaaybe there is still a lil hopeless romantic left in me)
While there is doubt in my heart at the moment, I am trusting that will fade.
I’m witnessing the love that surrounds me & I am looking forward to seeing what the new year holds…stay tuned

**while not a fervent believer in horoscopes, this 2013 one gave me a smile & if I follow its instructions, should give me much fodder for this blog 😉
Pisces: Dynamic
As the most romantic sign of all, you’re prone to having extreme expectations when it comes to love. The first half of this year is about you getting serious — what do you really want for yourself? Date as much as you can to find out, because this summer will bring on a one-year wave of ardent love interests. Be prepared to consider some serious relationship prospects — but your rose-colored glasses must stay in your pocket, not on your nose, if you want to be successful. For you, clarity is key in 2013. 

Happy New Year

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